Our parents had always said that John and I were so similar and so yet different at the same time. They always said we shared many physical attributes beyond what the blind eye could see. Our Mother, for example, always said that John and I had the same eyes, despite them being different colors. Mom always said that when she looked into my eyes, she saw John, and she told John the opposite. I never understood how she could see us in each other's eyes even though they were vastly different.
We also had the same smile; at least, that's what we were told. Mom and Dad used to tell us that as babies, we would barely ever smile, if at all, but when we did, they were the same. I wondered if that was still true today, even after we aged. Did we have the same smile still? I never thought so, but our parents thought something different.
John and I looked different in so many ways. That's what I saw, at least. The one thing in my opinion that is the most obvious is our nose. John had a slightly bigger and more crooked nose than me, and he got that from our Dad. I, however, had our Mom's nose with it being smaller.
We're not only similar and different with physical attributes but also our personalities. We were more alike than different. Our Father could see that best; he always told us we had that same aggressive attitude. He definitely wasn't lying about that. John and I could be a bit aggressive regarding certain things. And we both always had something to say; whether that be a joke or just our input, we couldn't sit quietly for too long. I think I've grown out of that since I've been on the ground, but for John, I think it's the complete opposite.
Personality-wise, we were different in the way where I was a bit more compassionate than John. He's going to tell you like it is, whether you like it or not. Except when he's with me, it's like he becomes this different person when he's around me. But usually, I'm a bit softer when it comes to words. It's just always been like that ever since we were little.
One attribute that overshadowed the rest of our similarities and differences was our protectiveness over each other. We've always made sure that the other is okay, no matter what. It was always, the other first, worry about yourself second. The first time I remember something like this happening was when John and I were eight. We were running around our quarters chasing after each other. Somehow we ended up running into each other, and we both busted our heads open. My first thought when that happened was to make sure John was okay, and it was no different with him. At the same time, we both asked if the other was okay. Since we said it simultaneously, it caused us to go into a giggle fit, and suddenly my head didn't hurt anymore.
Bottom line was, we're very different and similar people, but one thing that never changed was how protective we are. We always made sure the other was okay. We always told each other pretty much everything. We always stuck together.
That's why, when I woke up to an empty Dropship, there was a pit in the bottom of my stomach.
I woke up early in the morning, still lying on the Dropship floor. When I rolled over, I expected John to be there, but he wasn't. At first, I didn't think much of it; he could just be out to use the bathroom or something. But when I opened my eyes to see Jaha was gone too, I knew something was wrong. There was this gut feeling that took over me.
It's like the tiredness in my body left all of a sudden. I jumped from my spot and ran out of the Dropship, already assuming the worst. I stopped in the middle of our old camp and spun around, praying to see any sign of John.
I shouldn't be worried. They wouldn't leave me here — John wouldn't. But I just had this feeling, this missing feeling that told me to be worried that my brother was gone.
My breathing was panicked as I stopped spinning. The next thing I knew, I took off and sprinted around camp. I swear, I searched through every crevice in this camp, and John was nowhere to be found.
I was having flashbacks — it was like Mount Weather all over again. Everyone else was taken except for Raven and me. Now, I was the only one left. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack as I kept looking. Eventually, after what felt like hours of searching, I went back inside the Dropship to think this through.
John wouldn't leave me. There's no way he'd leave me. Even if he did, he'd tell me where he was going. He's coming back.
I paced back and forth in the Dropship; it was something I found myself don't pretty often. This place didn't bring anything but stress and worry to me.
Through one of my paces, I noticed something on the floor. It was a piece of paper off in the corner. I went over and picked it up. It was folded, and on the front, it read, Jo.
My breathing was shaking, and my knees felt weak. I could recognize that handwriting anywhere. The handwriting that helped me learn because I couldn't go to school.
I unfolded the paper to see a page filled top to bottom with words. There was barely a blank space on the paper, so I knew my brother had a lot to say. And whatever he says better give me a damn good reason for why he left.
My eyes closed as I took one more deep breath before I started to read.
Jo,
I am so sorry I left you at the Dropship. Knowing you, you were probably worried sick when you saw I wasn't there. And I'm sorry for not waking you to tell you this in person. I just don't think I could face you.
I'm going with Jaha to the City of Light. We don't even know if it's real, so this whole thing might be pointless. I think this trip will be good for me whether I come back from it or not. For your sake, I hope I do. I hate the idea of leaving you forever — this trip might kill me, but I realized being on the ground that... you don't need me anymore. You are the strongest person I know. You survived a freakin' Grounder war. You survived getting shot, you survived the surgery, and you did that all without me. On the Ark, we relied on each other all the time. Down here, we don't, not as much, and that's a good thing. Please don't feel bad about you not needing me because I know that's what you'll do. We both knew it was going to happen eventually. You're my badass little sister, and I know you'll get through whatever comes, with or without me.
But I'll always be here for you, no matter what. I might not come back from this, and if I don't, I'll still always be there for you, one way or another.
I love you so much. You're the best twin sister I could ever ask for. May we meet again.
-J.M
P.S. Bellamy loves you. He really does, so just let him, okay?
The tears that were coming down my face wouldn't stop — they just wouldn't — no matter how hard I tried. I didn't want to cry, but here I was. I — I — I don't even know what to think. John's gone, and he might not be coming back. My twin brother that has always been by my side might not be coming back.
This wasn't the first time I felt this way. When Clarke banished John, I thought I would never see him again, but sure enough, he came back. Somehow, someway, John survived and came back. Would he be able to do that again? Would he be able to survive the impossible and come back? I wanted to believe that he would, but in the back of my mind I knew, it could just be false hope.
Tears were still coming down my face as I took a deep and shaky breath. Carefully, I folded the note back up and set it down. I put my jacket on, the same one John got me. Thinking about it only made me cry even harder. I grabbed the note before putting it in my pocket, making sure it was securely as it could be.
I walked out of the Dropship and paused on the ramp looking around at all the burned skeletons that still lay about. All the Grounders had lost their lives the night we burned them alive.
These Grounders looked how I feel — burned, empty, lifeless. In the past — I don't know, five days, three of the people closest to me have left me. One wasn't coming back for sure, but two... there was the tiniest possibility that they would, but it was more than likely they would die.
And at that moment, I wanted to.
❣︎
A/N
damn, that hurt. i feel so bad for jo, she just can't catch a break.
but, in some good news, my cousin got me spider-man: nwh tickets, and i'm super excited!!!
well that's all for now
-annie