the world is cold (but you're warm)
pairing: kenny omega x reader
plot: when you try your best and you don't succeed, you can count on kenny to be there and be the man you need.
genre: comfort
warning: mentions of hyperventilation
word count: 2.3k
author's note: i actually started this a long time ago, back when i just started college (i'm now on the second semester of my first year). it was purely self-indulgent because i had a hard time adjusting, but then this was put on hold. if i didn't get this request, i probably would have been unable to finish this, so thanks nonnie!
votes, likes, and reblogs appreciated!
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the drive home was tense, knuckles gripping the steering wheel so much so that it hurt, back straightened, breathing heavy.
in, out, in, out. you had to repeat it to yourself in your head like a mantra because it was the only thing keeping you from falling apart. and in the state you were in right now, if you didn't do that, you were sure to feel the familiar feeling of your chest tightening up again, the hyperventilation, and the feeling of everything in your world crumbling, piece by piece. it was a mental battle between you and the urge to cry and you were sure that the moment you let your guard down, the latter would win. you couldn't have that, not now, anyways, while you were still driving.
you hated the way your fists gripped the wheel a little tighter when you got to the traffic light lit in red, hated the way every single little thing bothered you when you were in this mood. you couldn't be blamed, though. nothing or no one was cooperating with you. everything was going wrong.
when you woke up, things didn't feel right. you already knew the day wasn't going to go the way you wanted it to, already knew it was gonna be a bad day. there was a feeling in the pit of your stomach that ached, your heart felt heavy and sad though there really was no reason to. it was six in the morning and nothing happened yet. you had just opened your eyes and felt kenny's arm draped over you, as it always is. in most cases when you didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, it would make you feel safe, secure, but that day, you felt wrong, suffocated, trapped. you basically pushed his arm off of you and headed to the bathroom. poor man was so tired with work that it didn't phase him in the slightest. not a single one of his muscles twitch at the aggressive contact. he worked so hard, he always did. he didn't deserve you being a wreck for one of those days where he didn't have to do anything. you wished you could just be normal for once for your boyfriend's sake.
you stumbled into the bathroom, stabilizing yourself with the door and the doorknob, turning it, you pushed your way in and closed it loudly - you didn't mean to do that. you didn't have any control over your body at the moment - before sitting down and curling up into a ball, burying your face into your knees and breathing in a shaky breath.
fuck
things started to turn up - not really, but things could've gotten worse - when you splashed some water on your face and left the room. you must have been there for a longer time than you thought because then, kenny was already out of bed and guessing by the smell of bacon and pancakes, he was downstairs whipping something up.
it didn't seem like he knew what was going on with you. he didn't say anything implying he knew you were sobbing to yourself in the bathroom when you wrapped your hands around his waist, pressing a kiss to this toned back in order to show some semblance of normalcy.
"good morning, [y/n]. you sleep well?" he turned around to face you with a gentle smile.
yeah he definitely doesn't know. he would bring it up if he did.
faking a smile was easy enough. "yeah ken. you know i always sleep well when i'm with you." you stood on your tippy toes to kiss his lips.
for a while you felt okay. the former overwhelming thoughts of oh no, oh god, something's wrong. something's gonna go wrong. fuck. fuck. fuck. settled to just a small unpleasant buzz in the back of your head - easy enough to ignore - while you were still in the house with your boyfriend and to say that you were glad would be an understatement. you hoped it would stay like that for the rest of the day.
the car ride to your university was something. definitely not as bad as how you felt earlier in the morning but that unpleasant buzz started to get louder, started to echo in the anxious caverns of your mind like static. mildly irritating, unsettling, you'd rather it not be there at all, but okay. you've dealt with worse, it's fine. you told yourself. it's all gonna be fine.
you had no idea if you really believed that or if you were lying, somehow trying to convince yourself this day wasn't going to be as bad as you already knew it was going to be.
eventually, you got to your campus.
the line at the coffee shop was long, but you managed to distract yourself with your thoughts. forcing yourself to think back on the essay you wrote for your literature class, and everytime your mind lingered to something unpleasant, you mentally scolded yourself. it wasn't long until you reached the front of the line.
coffee order in hand - thank god they had your usual - walking into the lecture hall for your first class, your literature class, you realized you left your essay at your shared house with kenny. the one you worked so hard on and didn't get any sleep for.
you practically begged your professor to give you until the afternoon, telling him that you've actually completed the assignment, but just forgot to put it inside your bag, but he wouldn't budge. you told him that you didn't care if he deduced points, so long as he graded it because you spent so much time, effort, and research on it to no avail. muttering curses under your breath - you didn't know if they were directed at your professor, you, or just this stinking day in general, if you were being honest - you grabbed your phone, shooting kenny a quick text.
"[to: kenneth ♡: are you home right now?]"
you crossed your fingers, hell even crossed your toes, hoping he'd give you the answer you wanted. the one that'd make you breathe out a sigh of relief and reward him with a big, fat hug, the type of hugs that snatches the breath from your lungs in the best way possible, the typr of hugs you knew he was in love with and thank him for the hundredth time, telling him he was an angel for the millionth time.
"[from: kenny ♡: no baby, i'm at the health facility three towns over :( sorry. is there anything you need?]"
the disappointment flooded you, of course, but you couldn't tell kenny that. you didn't want him to leave his appointment with his athletic trainer just to go fetch the thing you forgot. he's waited for so long to finally catch that appointment because his athletic trainer, a young man named iwaizumi hajime was known to be the best around. every athlete wanted his as their trainer because of his superb skills, way beyond his years.
"[to: kenny ♡: no, was just wondering! have a nice day!]"
you ran your hand through your face in frustration and let out a groan, one that much to your luck, was heard by your professor. he sent you a glare before writing something down on the whiteboard again. you fought the urge to flip him off when he caught your eye, and then the urge to hurl something at his direction when his marker kept on making an annoying squeaky noise against the whiteboard. "so next, we are going to be tackling the life and works of william shakespeare."
but that wasn't really what broke you, no. it was a stupid short quiz on one of your major subjects -- nineteen and one stupid, stupid questions. one that you studied non stop for -- so much so kenny literally had to pry you off of your work desk and force you to watch my hero academia with him to destress. "baby, i know this is real important to you, but here's the thing, you've been nose deep in that book for the past week now because you wanna get a good grade. i get that. but if you overwork your brain, it's not gonna function when you actually have your test and then all the studying you did is gonna be for nothing. you need work-life balance, baby."
the worst part was that even if you took his advice, you still failed the quiz. it seemed that the red ink was mocking you, standing out from the crumpled paper with a ridiculously bright 6/20 written on it. you wish you could find out where it all went wrong - you studied, relaxed your brain, read every question carefully, make sure to do more good deeds than usual - and why your brain was giving you such a hard time today, yet no matter how much you thought about it, you were unable to come up with a logical answer. maybe you've been having too many good days, been too happy and needed to get knocked down a peg or two. no matter what the case was, you just hoped tomorrow would be better because really, that's all you can do.
finally, you were home. kenny's back from his physical therapy session now too, you've guessed since his car was in the garage as well.
you didn't know if you liked that or not because on one hand, kenny was there, the love of your life, the bright sun to your dark, lightless universe. but on the other hand, you had to pretend everything was fine when they were not.
you knew you didn't have to do that, really, you knew. he was understanding, and kind, and patient, and caring, but he also had so much on his plate, you didn't want to add to it. especially when this problem wasn't something he should worry himself about as you should probably be able to sleep it off. that's what you've done in the past and it had always worked.
you heaved out a heavy sigh when you stepped through the threshold of the door, ready to face your boyfriend who'd always greet you with a smile and open arms. this day was no exception. "baby! hey!" he said, burying his face into your hair as he hugged you. at the sound of his voice, a real smile tugged on the sides of your lips. you didn't expect that to happen, but you were glad it did nonetheless. "hey, ken. how was everything?"
he pulled back to cup your face into his hands and give you a quick peck on the lips. "good, everything was good." your hands moved from your side to his wrist, leaning more into his touch. "that's great to hear, baby."
he stepped back, grabbing the heavy backpack on your shoulders and taking it off of you. "what about you, babe? did you ace the quiz you studied so hard for?"
suddenly, your facial features all drooped down, your lips, the corner of your eyes, your eyebrows. you wanted to forget about it, to drown the memory in episodes of your favorite show and ice cream, topped with your boyfriend's cuddles. apparently that wasn't happening anytime soon.
kenny made a sad noise in the back of his throat at your lackluster reaction, "i'm guessing it didn't go the way you wanted it to. 'm sorry, baby. i know you tried your best."
your hands tightened to fists at your sides as you bit your lips and blinked rapidly, trying your hardest not the let the tears fall, but you were weak against kenny. always was, always will. all it took for the dam to break was a tussle of your hair and being engulfed in everything that was him. all of a sudden you were bawling, sobbing into his chest, hanging onto the clothes on his back for dear life as if your fear of failure somehow manifested to be a physical being and you were hanging off a building, so close to falling and getting eaten up by it. "tried so hard kenny. gave it my all. why isn't it enough? it's not fair."
he hushed you, carrying the both of you to the nearest couch and plopping his weight down on it. he stroked your hair, pressing gentle kisses on your forehead. "life doesn't work that way sometimes, baby. i'm sorry. but, whatever it may be, life will always give you another chance to get back up and do better, 'kay?" you sniffled and stuffed the tip of your nose into his neck, inhaling his familiar, comforting scent. the scent of home and everything good in this world, everything that kept you there and sane.
"i know this may feel like the end of the world. failing is hard in itself, and it's even worse when you really try to succeed, but it's a part of life, baby. you don't get to succeed without failing at first. it's one of the steps towards achieving your goal." he unwrapped his arms from your figure and tilted your chin up, making his blue eyes meet yours, glossy and rimmed with unshed tears. "your feelings are valid. i don't want you to think you're dumb for feeling like this. it's a normal human reaction, alright? it's healthy and once you feel like getting up and fighting again, i'll stay right by your side." he murmured, wiping the tears from your cheeks and kissing you. "now what'd you say we get into our pajamas, order takeout, and watch your favorite movie, huh?"
you can't help but smile at his proposal. as always, he remains a positive constant in your life and you're sure you can't love this man more than you already do, especially when he does nothing but laugh and nod his head at your next words. "can we prank call the teacher that failed me while we're at it?"