I opened my eyes and quickly shut them. The bright lights bothering my eyes. A small groan came from my lips as my head started to hurt.
"Go get the doctor, she awake."
"Sage? Sage. Can you hear me?"
I rubbed my eyes and opened them again. The worried faces of my family members stared back at me.
So this wasn't a dream. I'm finally out of Alexei's hold. A woman came in and quickly checked my vitals before leaving.
I looked down at my fingers as I fidget with them.
"How are you feeling bambina?" Dad asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and wiped a stray tear from my eye. The door opened again. Marco and Dante entered.
Marco instantly came to the bed. He sat down next to me. It was getting harder not to cry.
I watched as she tried her best not to cry. Her shoulder shook as she tried to keep it in. I wrapped my arms around her.
She finally broke, a sob released from her mouth as she hugged me back. I held the back of her head as I light rubbed her back up and down, careful not to hurt her healing whipping marks.
"I'm sorry." She sobbed.
"You have nothing to apologize for. None of this is your fault." I whisper and wipe a tear from my eye.
"I feel like it is." She whispered.
I pull away from her and take her face into my hands. I gently wipe her tears with my fingers.
"Don't because it's not." I say and kissed her forehead. She sighed and leaned against my chest. I held her for as long as she wanted me to.
It felt good to be back with my twin. But I couldn't take my mind off of Lee. Seeing him unconscious as he choked on his own blood made me sick to my stomach.
I pull away from Marco and look down at his chest. "Is Lee okay?" I ask.
Marco shook his head, "He's in a coma, but he's alive. We don't know when he'll wake up. But they said you saved his life by doing cpr."
I felt like I ruined his life. He got shot because of me. He almost lost his life because of me. He got hurt because of me.
"Stop thinking it's your fault Sage. I can see it on your face. It was not your fault he got shot, it was the person who shot him."
"Killian." I whispered.
"What?" Marco asked.
"Killian shot him." I say.
There was a knock on the door, then a woman came in. She came up to the bed with a gentle smile.
"Hello Sage. I'm Sarah, i'm an advanced psychiatrist nurse. I was wondering if I could talk to you."
Marco got up from the bed. "We'll be outside." Dad said and everyone left out the room.
I hugged my knees to my chest and nodded. She dragged over a chair and sat down.
"Let's start with something easy. How are you feeling?" She asked.
How am I feeling? It's such a simple question, yet to me it feels so complex. I'm feeling so many things that I don't even know how to describe it.
"I feel . . ." I sigh and shrug my shoulders.
She nodded her head. "That's okay. It's okay not to know."
"No. I know, but I just can't put all of the words into one." I say.
"Can you tell me one of the things you're feeling?" She asked.
"I feel . . . I feel dirty." I whisper.
I feel angry. I feel hopeless. I feel miserable. I feel unhappy. I feel stressed. I feel like i'm drowning. I feel claustrophobic. I feel like no matter how hard I scrub myself i'll never be able to get their hands off of me.
"Why do you feel like that Sage?" She asked.
"Because I can still feel their hands on me." I whisper.
"I can feel every touch, grope, and thrust. And I hate it. I hate that i'm suffering and they're living like they didn't fuck up my life. I hate that I feel powerless. I hate everything. I hate myself. I hate that I couldn't do anything about it. I just . . ." I sigh and wipe my face. A sudden wave of exhaustion taking over me.
"It's okay, Sage. Tell me whatever. I'm here to listen and this is confidential. You're family won't know anything you said to me." Sarah said.
"Can I tell you something?" I ask.
She nodded her head. "I know how this is probably going to go and you're probably going to be in horror when I tell you everything that happened to me. So can we just save this for another day? I don't have enough energy right now." I say.
"If that's what you want to do, then yes. Would you like something to eat? You haven't ate at all."
I shrug my shoulders and lay down and turn away. I face my body towards the window.
"How about a shower? I can get you a new gown and underwear to change into." She asked.
I nodded my head. "I'll have someone bring you your things."
I pulled the thin white blankets over top of me and sighed.
"She's still in a lot of shock. She's probably going to push you away and lock herself away. Just be patient with her. That's the only thing you can do right now. She's gone through a lot of trauma. Be supportive and take small steps with her. Like for example take her out for a small walk or play her favorite song for her. It'll go a long way, especially in this tough time. I would get her into therapy immediately to help with her mental help. If you need any help I can appoint you to one, here's my card. Give me a call anytime if you need help finding one." She said and handed me her card.
"Thank you Sarah." I say.
She nodded her head, "Anytime sir. My condolences goes out to you for this tough time."
"I would order her something to eat. The menu is on the table. She said she wasn't hungry, but maybe she might be hungry after her shower." She nodded at us before walking away.
I feel like I failed my child. It should be me hurting and laying in a hospital bed, not her.
I sigh and enter her room, our family behind me. Alina went up to her and folded the blanket back from her face.
"Hey sweetheart," Alina whispered.
"Hi," I whispered.
"Can I touch you?" She asked. I nodded my head. She gently pushed my curls out of my face and began to massage my scalp.
I sighed at the good feeling on my throbbing scalp. "How is your headache?" She asked.
"It's gotten worse and worse since i've woken up." I whisper.
"Maybe we can get you some pain medication for your headache. I'll call the nurse."
"No it's fine. I think it'll go away after I go to bed." I whisper.
Dad came beside her, a gentle smile on his face. "Do you want to order something to eat? Maybe for when you get hungry later?" He asked.
I shook my head no, "I'll just eat tomorrow morning." I say.
"You sure? It's only five o'clock." He asked.
I nodded my head, "I'm fine." I whisper.
"Can I see Lee?" I ask.
"Of course sweetheart. Do you want to go right now?" Alina asked.
I nodded my head. "He's right next door, come on." I sat up and swung my feet over the edge of the bed.
"Can I touch you?" Dad asked. I nodded my head, he gently grabbed my arm and Alina and him helped me stand up. Dante wheeled the machine I was hooked up to closer to me.
A wave of dizziness washed over me as bile rushed up my throat. "I have to throw up." I say.
"Ace hand me that garbage can." I threw up before Ace even picked it up. Dad caught my throw up in his spare hand.
Alina put the trash can underneath me and dad dropped my throw up in there. My stomach lurched forward as I continued to throw up.
After I was done I sat down on the bed. "I can't dad, i'm to dizzy." I say. Tears streaming down my face from throwing up.
"That's fine Sage. We can sit here until you're ready."
A loud cry left my lips as I wiped my eyes. "What's wrong with me dad? I can't even stand without doing something wrong." I cried.
"Nothing is wrong with you. We just got up to fast. We can try again when you're ready."
Alina handed him a tissue and he wiped his hand of my throw up and threw it in the trash.
I rested my head on Alina's shoulder as I caught my breath from crying. I hate feeling this weak. I feel like shit. I can't remember the last time I hadn't felt like this.
Alina wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. "Ready?" She asked.
I nodded my head and they both got up. They slowly pulled me up and I got up. They helped me slowly walk. I keep my head down and look at my family's shoes instead. I was too ashamed to look up.
Dad opened the door and we went out. Alina opened another door and we slowly walked inside. My ankle was killing me. My nurse had explained all of my injuries to me and told me not to walk on it too much.
I look up. Mara and Kai were in the room, they were sitting in chairs beside Lee. Kai smiled and got up from her chair.
"Hey how are you feeling?" She asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I can take her from here if you'd like." Kai offered.
"It's fine, we're almost to the chair anyway." Alina said.
We walked to the chair and gently lowered me down into the seat. I waved to Mara and she sent me a smile.
"We'll be outside. Call us if you need us." Alina whispered and kissed my forehead. She brushed my hair out of my face then Dad and her left out the door.
Mara stood up and started to move to the door. "We'll give you some privacy." She said. Kai and Mara go out the room and quietly shut the door behind them.
I breathe in and let out a deep breath. I closed my eyes for a moment to keep myself together. Then I looked at Lee.
He laid unmoving in the bed. His face was pale and he hand a breathing mask on his face.
With the support of the bed I stood up and shifted on my good leg. I loved his long hair out of his eyes and kissed his forehead.
I sat back down and grabbed his hand. His hand wasn't warm and sweaty like it was when I held it in the past. It was room temperature, almost cold even.
"Hey. I know you probably can't hear me, but . . ." I sigh and place my other hand on top of his.
I wipe away a tear. God I have never cried this much and it makes me feel so fucking weak.
"You need to wake up so I can tell you that I love you because I do love you. I don't know why it took me so long to tell you, but I regret not saying anything for so long. I want you to wake up so we can go to the museum or the beach. I want to lay in the bed with you as you told me about your visits to Korea. I want to dance with you to our favorite song as you cooked me my favorite dinner. I need you to wake up so we can create more memories. I need you to wake up because I need you. I'm falling apart you you're the only one that can hold me. Just please—" I sobbed and wiped my eyes.
"Just wake up please." I whisper and kiss his knuckles. I give his hand a squeeze.
My breathing picked up as I tried to breathe. I brought my knees up to my chest and bury my head into my legs. I cry into my gown.
"Come on bambina, let's get out out of here." Dad whispered.
Alina and him came to my side and stand me up. "I can't do this anymore dad." I cry.
"I know bambina. Come on, let's get you to the bed." He said and pushed open the door.
They sat me down on the bed. "He was so pale." I cried and wiped my tears. My head was throbbing from crying so much.
"I know sweetheart." Alina mumbled and stroked my hair back.
They watched as her shoulders racked with sobs. Alina stroked her hair as she pulled the blankets over top of her body.
Alessandro and Alina consoled her until she cried herself to sleep. When they saw she was asleep they kissed her forehead and tucked her in.
"I swear to god when I get my hands on Alexei I will beat the shit out of him." Dante gritted out.
"I hate seeing her like this." Lorenzo mumbled.
"The Russian's and Irish will burn to the ground for fucking with her." Ace said.
"There will be no Russian living by the time i'm done with them." Alessandro whispered and pushed Sage's hair out of her face.
I woke up when it was dark. A woman was checking my vitals, she apologized for waking me and quickly finished.
Dad and Alina were sleeping on the long couch by the window, everyone else not here.
I sat up in the bed. I stopped the nurse before she could go out. I clear my throat,"Can I take a shower?" I ask.
"Of course. Just let me get some things to cover your iv with and then you'll be good to go." I nodded my head and laid back down.
I jumped at Dad's voice, "You okay bambina?"
"Yeah, I just want to take a shower." I mumble.
"You're friends came by, but you were sleeping. They said they'll come back tomorrow with Dante and Marco when you're awake." He said.
I nodded my head and sighed. "Mj and Gabe misses you. They're coming by tomorrow to see you."
"That's nice." I whisper.
My nurse came back in and put a waterproof bandage on my iv. "Do you need any help? Would you like a walker maybe?" She asked.
I shook my head no. "There's a bench for you to sit down on if your ankle hurts too bad. I can get you some ice for you sprained ankle."
"Thank you, she'll need the ice." Dad said.
Dad helped me out of bed and into the bathroom as I dragged along the monitors.
Dad turned the shower on for me and gave me a bag. It had all of my things that I used back at home.
I balance on my good foot and took off my gown. I avoided the mirror and got into the shower.
I didn't waste any time and got to scrubbing my body.
"Sage you okay in there?" Dad asked from behind the door.
"Yeah i'm good! Just trying to avoid getting water on my iv!" I shout back.
I had been scrubbing my body for thirty minutes now. "Do you need any help?" He asked.
"No i'm okay." I say loud enough for him to hear me. I had scrubbed so hard I had broke the surface of my skin.
I watched as a red tinted water went down the drain. I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around by body.
I closed the lid to the toilet and sat down on it. I dried my body off and put on lotion. The lotion stinging my skin.
I put on my underwear and a new gown. I brushed my teeth and Alina came in, combed out my hair for me, put it in two braids, and but ointment on my back.
I laid back into the cool bed with a sigh. My back burning from the hot shower I had. Dad gently grabbed my injured foot and wrapped it up. He elevated it and put the ice on.
"How do you feel Sage?" Alina asked.
"A little better. My body still hurts." I say.
"Do you want any tylenol or anything to help with the pain?" Dad asked.
"No i'm okay." I mumble.
Dad placed a phone on my lap. "Marco got you a new phone and put all of your passwords in and stuff for you."
"When can I be released from here?" I ask.
"If all goes well you can be released later on in the afternoon today. But they want you to eat and talk to Sarah first." Alina said.
"And they also want you to hydrate and drink a lot of water." Dad said and put a cold water bottle in my hands.
"You'll finish your antibiotics today and you'll be able to move around without that cord and monitor attached to you." Alina said and gently stroked the side of my face.
I lean into her touch and sigh. I felt most comfortable around her. Probably because she was a woman and I grown a lot closer to her when I first met her.
"How are my companies doing?" I ask.
"They're doing great. Ace, your Nonno, and I are handling them. You have nothing to worry about." Dad reassured.
"I'm sleepy," I mumble.
"It's two in the morning you can go back to sleep if you want." Dad said.
"I'm sorry for waking you two up." I whisper.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Sage." Dad said.
"I feel like I do." I mumble with a sigh.
Dad kissed my forehead and stood up to his full height, "I'm going to call your brothers and see if they're doing okay."
I nodded and he walked out the door. I turned on my side and scooted closer to Alina. Her finger glided into my scalp, gently massaging me to sleep.
8 AM
"How is Sage?" Dante asked and sat down in a chair next to her hospital bed.
"She's not great," Alessandro said and sat down on the couch.
"She's doing a little better. She woke up and took a shower at one in the morning and she took some medication to help with the withdraw." Alina said.
"Withdraw from what?" Lorenzo asked.
"They found traces of cocaine in her system." Alessandro said.
They all went silent.
Sage sighed heavily and they all paused and looked at her. She moved to her other side and Alessandro moved her cord out the way so it didn't get snagged on anything.
"Did the doctors say when she could get released?" Giovanni asked.
"Hopefully today if all goes well." Alina answered.
"How's is she doing mentally?" Rhea asked.
Alessandro sighed. "Terrible. They really got to her while she was there."
Zara walked in with Salvatore, Mj, Gabe, Alessia, Alessio, Angelo, Christian, Domenico, and Fredrico.
"When is sissy going to be awake? We want to talk to her." Mj said. Gabe nodded enthusiastically, agreeing with Mj.
"We have to wait till she wakes up first. Then you can talk to her." Alessio said.
"Okay dad! I'm very patient." Gabe said and sat down.
IN HER DREAM
I woke up in the same room Alexei kept me in. I was chained to the bed post. I tried to move my arms and legs but I couldn't.
I was stuck.
The bathroom door opened. Alexei came out of it with a towel wrapped around his waist. He came over to me and got on top of me.
"Please no." I whispered.
He shushed me and kissed down my neck.
"I'll be kind today and let you choose which hole I fuck." He whispered.
"Please, no. I'm still sore from this morning." I whisper.
"I haven't took your ass since you were little. Would you like that?" He asked.
I quickly shook my head no. I winced when he bit down on my neck.
He took a deep breath in and sighed, his breath hitting my face. "You're no fun my queen." He whispered.
I tried to reason with him that I was still sore, but he didn't listen. I let out a painful scream and tightly shut my eyes when he thrusted hard inside of me.
I bawled my fist around the chains and bit down on my lip to stop myself from screaming.
He wiped a tear that streamed down my cheek and kissed below my eyes. "Look at us my queen. Look at us molding so perfect together."
"Please Alexei, get off of me. It hurts." I cry.
"You look so pretty when you beg." He moaned into my ear.
"She's having a nightmare. Wake her up." Marco said and tried to shake Sage awake.
"Please Alexei, get off. It hurts." Sage whimpered.
Everyone crowded around the bed trying to wake her up.
"Why isn't she waking up? Call her nurse!" Dante yelled. Marco repeatedly pressed on the red button on the tv remote.
Sage cried in hysterics in her sleep as she started to move around.
Zara leaded a sad Mj and Gabe out the room. "Why is sissy sad?" Mj asked.
"She's just having a nightmare sweetheart, that's all. Let's play a game. Would you guys like that?" Zara asked.
Zara distracted them as nurses ran into Sage's room.
Kai, Mara, and Ares came out of Lee's room. "We heard the commotion, is everything alright?" Mara asked.
"Sage is having a night terror. The nurses are helping us wake her up." Zara answered.
"I can take Mj and Gabe downstairs. They have this big train toy and coloring books." Kai offered.
"Can we go Nonna?!" They both shout.
"Of course babies. Just stay with Kai." They both grabbed Kai's hands. Zara thanked her and they left down the hallway.
I woke up with a gasp and cowered away from all the hands that were touching me.
"Don't touch me." I say and curl into a ball. I wipe my face and pull the blankets over my head.
"Sage, you knocked your iv out. Can we put another one in?"
I shook my head no. "We'll give her time to calm down and come back once she's okay."
I heard the door shut. "Sage?" Alina called out.
The blanket was slowly pulled back from my head. "Can I touch you?" She asked. I nodded my head. She wiped my tears.
"I can still feel their hands." I cried.
"I know sweetheart, but you're not there anymore. You're with us and you're safe." She whispered.
Dad handed her a wet wash cloth and she dabbed my face gently with it. My whole entire body was hurting and I was sweating profusely.
I wanted cocaine. One line and everything would just hurt a lot less. I could go to my happy place where Lee, Luna, and I would run along the beach and play in the water and build sandcastles while we ate and talked.
I need it so I can picture us dancing around in the kitchen as we listened to music.
I need it so I can feel better.
I had chills all over my body. Alina calmed me down by gently massaging my scalp. I like Alina, she makes me feel the calmest in here. It may be her motherly touch or warmth, but whatever it is, I like it.
I laid my head in Alina's lap and hugged her waist. I closed my eyes as she did exercises with me to help calm my breathing.
I hear the door open, "Can they put a new iv in now?" Alina whispered.
I nodded my head and sat up. I wiped my face and looked down at my arm.
I had blood dripping down my arm from the iv I ripped out earlier.
"I'm Jenny. I'm going to be your nurse for the next twelve hours. I'm going to just clean the blood off okay?"
I nodded my head.
She gently took my arm and cleaned off my the blood. Another nurse came to my other side with a orange band.
"I'm Isla. Can I put this around your arm and check your veins?" She asked. I nodded my head. She put the band around my arm and gently checked my arm for veins.
Jenny took out a tray and opened up a needle.
God I hate this part.
"You can hold my hand if you want." Marco offered. Marco knew I was scared of needles, he shared that fear with me. We both hated needles.
"I'm just going to clean the area with a alcohol wipe." Jenny said.
Isla got the needle and I held Marco's hand in a tight grip. "It's just a little pinch. Do you want me to count down?" She asked.
"Just do it." I say and look away. I winced as the needle pierced my skin.
"That's it, you did it Sage." Isla said.
I looked down. They put a clear covering over it and put another sticker around it.
Isla placed a menu in my lap. "You must be hungry. Here's the menu for the hospital. You can order anything and they have dessert. But the dessert doesn't start till the afternoon."
"Thank you." I mumble.
They clean up the tray and leave out the room.
Nonna, Mj, and Gabe come in.
"Sage!" They both yelled and jump up on the bed.
I flinch when they come to hug me. "Ask permission to hug her first." Marco said.
"Can we hug you?" They asked.
I nodded my head and they both gave me a quick hug.
I elevate the bed so I wasn't in much of a laying position. I crossed my legs and wiped my face. I was still sweating and had chills.
"Do you want to order you something?" Alina asked.
I nodded my head and took the menu into my hands. Mj and Gabe started to talk about their first week of school, but I shut them out and focused on the menu.
"Can I jus have apple juice and a fruit bowl?" I ask.
"Do you want something more filling? They have your favorite," Marco asked.
"Yeah I guess I can get french toast too." I mumble.
I set the menu down and sighed. "I'll call down and tell them what you want." Dad said.
"Sage! I can count to ten in Arabic." Gabe said.
I forced a smile, "That's good." I say.
"We got a new student in our class today. She's from India. She can't really understand english that well, but we made an agreement that I teach her english and she teaches me Hindi." Mj said.
"Make sure she feels welcomed. It's a new environment for her she might be scared." I say.
"I do! I share my snacks and stuff with her. She's really nice." He said with a smile.
"He thinks she's really pretty also." Gabe said with a giggle.
"Dude!" Mj yelled.
"You weren't supposed to tell anyone." He loudly whispered.
"Sorry." Gabe whispered.
"That's nice." I say with sigh and shut my eyes.
"Are you sleepy sissy?" Mj said.
I shook my head no and sat up straighter. "My back is just hurting." I say.
"Do you want your numbing cream?" Zio Adrian asked. I nodded my head.
"And I have to pee." I mumble.
"Let's get you to the bathroom." Alina said. I grabbed my phone and put it in one of the pockets of the gown.
Marco helped me stand up and Dad and Alina helped me balance myself. Marco rolled my machine behind me and we walked to the bathroom.
"We'll leave you to do you business and i'll come in and put the numbing cream on. Is that okay?"
I nodded my head. Alina and Dad walked out the door and shut it behind them. I heard them talking about me, but I ignored it and peed.
I washed my hands and got my phone out. I dialed Luca's number.
He picked up on the first ring. "Hey bestie! How are you doing?" He asked.
I clear my throat. "Hey Luca. What time are you coming here?" I ask.
"I just got out the shower, so after I get dressed and eat i'll be over. So about an hour. Why what's wrong?" He asked.
"Can I ask you a favor?" I ask.
"Yeah of course, anything."
"Like a really big favor." I whisper.
"Yeah, I told you already." He said.
"Can you promise me not to tell anyone? Not even your boyfriend, Kayden." I whisper.
"Yes. You know me I wouldn't tell a soul."
I pause and try to think of the best way to ask him this.
"Why what is it? You're scaring me Sage." His voice full of worry.
"Can you get me drugs? I just need it to hold me over then i'm going to rehab and i'll be clean. But I just need it this one time." I ask.
"Are you serious Sage?" I could picture him frowning. His voice full of disappointment.
"Please." I whisper.
"Which drug?" He asked.
"Cocaine." I whisper.
"Come on Sage." Luca mumbled.
"I know. I- just please Luca. Please. Just this one favor." I whisper.
"I'll see what I can do." He said.
"Thank you so much." I whisper.
"Okay, bye. Love you." He said.
"Yeah, bye. Love you too." I whisper and hung up.
I turn on the cold water and splash my face with it. I wipe my face and crack the door open.
"Why was she sweating so much?" Domenico asked.
"She's going through withdraw right now. Alexei had her hooked onto cocaine." Enzo said.
Well damn. He just told all of my business.
"Oh wow." Nonno whispered.
I opened the door, making it creek. Alina stood up and smiled at me.
She came into the bathroom with me and put the cool numbing cream on my back and help me walk back out.
I laid down on my stomach with the back of my gown open. I ignored the gasps and mumbles and closed my eyes.
Mj and Gabe giggled at something. Their feet moving around each side of the bed.
"Boy stop it and—"
A hard heavy object hit my back where it hurt the worse. I let out a short painful scream and bawled the blankets in my fist.
"Sorry Sage! We didn't mean to hit you!" Mj yelled.
I tightly closed my eyes. I didn't want to get angry at them, it was an accident.
Tears formed in my eyes. The thing was quickly taken off my back. "Sorry Sage. I didn't mean to drop it on you it slipped out of my hand." Gabe said.
"It's fine. Just leave me alone." I gritted out.
"Let's go on a walk you two come on." Zia Alessia said.
"Are you okay Sage?" Dante asked.
"I'm fine." I mumble and go onto my side. I hold my gown up with one hand and sigh.
The door opened yet again. "Sage your food is here." Nonna said.
I open my eyes. The tray was placed on the table and I forced myself to sit up. Alina lightly tight the gown up so it wouldn't fall down and wouldn't be on my cuts.
I opened the food cover. The smell of food was nauseating, but I forced myself to eat a couple pieces of fruit.
"How is it?" Marco asked.
I shrugged. "Fruit is fruit," I answered.
I cut up my french toast and poured syrup on it. I slowly ate the plate of food.
I put my fork down on the last few bites of my french toast.
"I don't feel too good." I mumble.
"What's wrong? Do you feel sick? Does your stomach hurt? Do you have a headache?" Ace asked.
"I feel like i'm going to throw up." I said and gagged.
Marco quickly pushed away my plate and put the garbage can in front of me. I threw up everything I ate.
Then when I thought I was finished I started to throw up a clear liquid.
When I was finally done I wiped my mouth with a napkin and threw it in the bin.
"I don't want to eat anymore. Looking at food makes me sick." I say and wipe a tear.
"That's okay. You don't have to eat it." Marco said and put the cover back on the food.
"Do you want some apple juice to wash the nasty taste out?" Gio asked.
"Just water." I mumble.
I visited Lee and stayed with him for a little after I thrown up. I had just finished with Sarah. Marco was showing me pictures of how big Luna had gotten.
"Hey! How are you?" Aurora asked as she, Andrea, Luca, Kayden, Jayden, and Javier entered.
I forced a smile and waved.
Luca put a bag down on my bed. "I brought you that conditioner you needed."
I forced another smile and thanked him. I say hi to everyone.
"I have to go to the bathroom again." I mumble.
Marco and Dante help me up and we walk to the bathroom.
I shut the door behind me and open up the black bag. I twist the cap off of the conditioner. I take the bag out and cleaned off the counter.
I get out my phone and use the sides to crush the pills inside of the bag. When they're crushed I empty out the bag on the counter and use my rat tail comb to make a line.
I lean down and inhale the line. I close my eyes and held onto the counter.
I sniffle and flush the toilet.
I clean up my mess and make sure I don't have any white powder on me. I open up the door and Dante helps me back to my bed.
I lay back and close my eyes. I listen to everyone talk around me.
WHILE SHE'S HIGH (OLD MEMORIES)
I walked with Lee hand in hand as we walked the beach. Luna ran around us as she tried to catch seagulls.
"I feel like you would be a great mom." Lee said.
I shook my head, "Nah. I don't think so."
"Why not?" He asked.
"I didn't really have the best role model." I say with a laugh.
"You're great with kids. Especially Mj and Gabe." He said and nudged my shoulder.
"Well Mj is my baby brother and Gabe is my little cousin. It's different." I say.
"If you had kids, how many would you want?" I ask.
"Eight."
I scoffed in surprise. "Don't you think eight is a bit excessive?" I ask.
"Well how many would you want?" He asked.
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know, maybe three or four. If I have them. If I don't have one by thirty i'm not having any."
"So if we have kids we'll at least have four?" He asked.
I shrugged, "We're still so young. Let's not get to caught up in the future that we miss the present. I just want to be with you for as long as life will let me, even if we don't have kids." I say.
He stopped walking. Before I could ask what's wrong he grabbed both side of my face and passionately kissed me. I instantly kissed back and rested my hands on his hips.
"What was that for?" I ask.
He pecked my lips and smiled.
"Just for you being you." He whispered.
I smiled and looked away from his eyes. "Are you blushing?" He teasingly asked.
I scoffed, "No what are you talking about? Black people cant blush." I mumble and push him away.
"You know that's a lie!" He said with a laugh.
Yeah I know. But I didn't have an excuse.
I laughed and started to run away from him. He followed after me, his long legs catching up to me.
I laughed as he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
PRESENT TIME
"Earth to Sage?" I flinched when Jayden snapped his fingers in my face.
Dante slapped him upside the head. "Don't fucking do that you asshole."
"We're going over to see Lee. Are you coming?" Andrea asked.
I was too high to move. "You can go without me. I already saw him today." I say.
I waved by to them and closed my eyes.
"Are you okay hunny? You look a little spaced out?" Alina asked.
"I am perfect." I say and put up and okay symbol.
"I'm just really sleepy." I say.
"You're going home once we get the paper work. I got you some crutches for you to move around without the help of one of us. Jenny is coming to take out your iv." Dad said.
I opened my eyes. Dad's face looked kind of funny. His face was colorful with bananas and rainbows.
"That's nice." I mumble.
Jenny came in and took out my iv. Dad signed my papers and Alina helped me chance into a pair of clothes.
I sat down in the wheelchair. My brothers carried the flowers and teddy bears I got from my family and friends.
I said bye to Kai, Mara, and Ares. We left out the hospital. I shielded my eyes from the bright light and Marco and Dad helped me get into the car.
It's been a week since I got out the hospital. I've gotten a little better. My injuries don't hurt as much and I can walk with slight pain in my ankle, but nothing severe.
Mentally . . . that's a different story.
I was still using. I couldn't help it. It was in my routine everyday for almost five weeks. I don't think I can quit it.
I haven't really been out of my room. My family has been in here to check on me and give me food, but that's it.
I go to the hospital to see Lee everyday for an hour or two. That's the most time i've spent outside my room.
I crushed the pills with the bottom of the pill bottle and closed the lid.
I form the dust into a line with my card. Before I could sniff it my pill bottle and snatched and the powder was blown away.
I jump of from my seat and turn around.
Marco held my pill bottle in his hand.
I smoothed out my pants and wiped my nose. "Marco, it's not what it looks like." I say.
Fuck me for not locking the door.
He looked at me with so much hurt like I killed his dog.
"You- you lied to me." He said.
"Marco I swear—"
"You told me you weren't using. You- You lied to me!"
"Please Marco. It was just this once. I just needed to use it one last time. Please just give me the bottle back." I say and try to reach for it.
"You already have white powder in your nose. You're high. I'm not stupid Sage." He said and raised it out of my reach.
"Please Marco. Just give me the pills back. I'll give you anything. Just don't take those away from me."
I shook my head. I didn't even know who I was looking at. This was nothing like my sister, my twin. She looked like a stranger and I hated it.
She was getting angry the more time went by that I didn't give it to her.
"Marco just give me the fucking bottle!" She yelled at me.
"I'm sorry Sage. But I won't let you kill yourself with this." I whisper.
"Dad! Ace! Enzo! Gi—" She tackled me to the floor.
I fell back and winced when I hit my head on the side of the bed frame. I pushed her away and protected the bottle away from her.
"Just give me the bottle you fucking asshole!" She yelled.
"I can't do that Sage." I say.
She got angrier each time I said no. She threw a punch at me, hitting me square in the jaw.
"What the fuck is happening?!" Dante yelled.
I turn my head from Sage's punches. Dad, Ace, Enzo, Gio, and Dante advanced towards us.
I threw the pill bottle and Dante caught it. "Hide it! Don't give it to Sage! It's cocaine!" I yelled.
Sage instantly got off me. "Hide! She's going to attack you!" I yell.
I get up and run over and push all of us out the door and I hold the doorknob.
I banged on the door. "Marco please! You don't understand! None of you understand! Just please give me it back!" I yell and try to open the door.
They held the door tightly shut, so I did the only thing I could possibly do. I get my gun out my nightstand and start shooting into the door.
I opened up the door and Ace had his gun pointing at me. "Sage I don't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice."
"It's not drugs! I swear! It's just tylenol to help with the pain. Please, I swear." I say.
Dante came in sight. I charged at him and tackled him to the floor. "Where the fuck are they Dante?" I yelled and searched his body.
He flipped us over and held me down. "Get the fuck off of me!" I yell and try to fight off his hold. My back hurting from being slammed onto the floor.
I began to feel suffocated. "Please Dante." I cried.
"You have to believe me. I just needed it for one time. Everything that I do isn't working." I cried.
"We can help you Sage. We can get you into rehab, you'll come out in six weeks and you'll be fine." Dad said.
I shook my head no. "Please, just give me my pills back."
"I'm sorry Sage. We can't let you have those." Dante said.
I started to fight against his hold, "Get off of me!" I yell. His grip on my wrist tightened.
Marco came out of his room and closed the door.
I kicked Dante in his stomach and pushed him up and off of me. I get up and go into Marco's room.
I start to look through his drawers. "Where the fuck did you put my shit Marco!" I yell.
I flip over his bed and look under it.
I kicked his nightstand on the floor. The lamp on top of it shattered on the floor.
"Where the fuck did you put the pills Marco!" I cried.
I went to his closet and started to throw things out of it. When I didn't find them I punched a whole in the wall and left out the closet.
I took out his drawers on his dresser and took out all the clothes at was in them. I thrashed the dresser on the floor and moved onto the bathroom.
I looked threw his cabinets and everything in the bathroom.
I sank down to the floor and started to cry when I couldn't find him. They surrounded me and looked at me.
"You guys have to understand! I just need it, please." I cried.
I seen an outline of a pill bottle in Enzo's pocket. I slowly risen from the floor and started to cry more dramatically. I slowly walked toward him.
"Please Enzo, you have to understand. You're a doctor! You know how strong addictions can be. Just please. I'll just do one more line and i'm done. I promise." I cried.
"I'm sorry Sage. But I don't have them." He said.
When I close I lowered my head and cried into one hand. I swiped them as quick as I could and ran out the door.
"Fuck! Enzo! I said hide them!" Dad yelled.
I ran into my room and went into the bathroom and locked the door.
I got out the pills and crushed them. I ignored the banging on the door and put it into a straight line as best as I could with my shaky hands.
I leaned down and sniffed the line. I sighed and sank down to the floor. I closed my eyes and laid down onto the floor.
The door was kicked down, but I was already drifting to my happy place.
Alessandro sighed when he saw his daughter laying on the floor with white powder in her nose.
"Call the best rehab center. We'll take her there tomorrow. She'll get the help she needs." He said and picked her up from the floor.
Sage was so high all she did was mumble things while she stared blankly.
Alessandro put her in her bed and tucked her in.
Ace flushed her pills down the toilet and threw away the bottle. "Check her room for anymore drugs and take off of her weapons." Alessandro said.
Dante walked out of the room with Marco and consoled him as he started to cry over his twin.
Alina came upstairs with Mj. She set down her purse on the floor and looked at the mess.
"What happened in here? We only went to the store for thirty minutes." She asked.
I woke up in a dark room. I instantly got out of bed and got on black pants, a black hoodie, and my black air forces.
I knew they were going to send me to rehab so I needed to get out of here fast.
The door that was filled with bullet holes was replaced with a new door.
I checked the time. It was nine pm. I opened my balcony door and climbed down the balcony. The guards always changed shift every three hours so I had to be quick.
I ran and hid behind the bushes. When the coast was clear I bolted to the down the driveway and jumped over the fence.
I ran until I was out of breath.
I put my hands on my knees and took deep breaths in to try and calm my racing heart.
A black van turned down the street slowly. I looked back and saw a Russian symbol. They started to go faster.
"Aw shit." I mumble and start to run again.
Another black van came the opposite way the other one had came. They drove onto the yard I was running past and almost hit me.
The door opened and I was grabbed.
I instantly started to fight and kick. I was not going back to that horrid place.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Such a stupid girl." Killian mumbled with a smirk.
Alexei held my throat in a hard grip. "You thought you could get away from me my queen?" He asked.
He brought his face closer to mine. I leaned my head back and head budded him as hard as I could.
I swiped his phone and weapon from his pockets.
The van door opened, more people came in and tried to restrain me. Killian smacked the gun out of my hand.
I fought with all of my might to try an get away.
I kicked the men that was guarding the door and they fell back. I punched and kicked my way out until I was tired.
I stepped on the two men below me and I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could take me. I ran even though I felt like I had to pass out.
I ran to the train station and jumped over where you had to pay at and took the train to my Penthouse.
I opened my door with my fingerprint and packed my most prized possessions.
I hacked into Alexei's phone using the spare computer I had over here.
I went through every message that he ever sent and made a list of people of who he sent to rape me.
There was exactly 239 people, not including Killian, Alexei, and Victor.
I booked the first flight out of New York to back home in LA. I went into my closet and backed up my safe that had over twenty thousand dollars in it.
I packed some clothes and put them into a suitcase. I grabbed my bookbag and put it on my back. I left out and caught a taxi to the airport.
I left everything behind without looking back.
I needed to do this for me.
First I would work on myself. Then work on getting the people who hurt me.
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8144 words
this was a rough one...