Chapter twenty eight
The next morning I avoid him like the plague. I stay in my room as I get ready, taking a shower slowly and brushing my teeth. I blow dry my hair and let it hang down. Since I have moved here it has grown and now hangs down to my butt.
I throw on some dark eye makeup to make my green eyes pop and then get dressed in a blouse, ripped short jeans short, and flip flops. I take my time gathering my things and putting them into my school bag. I feed ‘Sandy’ and then remain sitting on my bed. All out of things to do.
I eyes graze the room and then stop on the side table beside my bed and I open the drawers and pull out my journal. My eyes rest on it, deciding whether or not I want to spill myself out and make myself a wreck before I even walk out of my room.
Then I remember.
He has read this. Rodger has read my secrets, my feelings, my thoughts. How much had he read?
Anger burns inside of me at the thought of my most secretive things being released to someone without my permission.
I grab a pen that sits beside my bed and flip to a open page, the ball of the writing utensil hovering over the yellow paper, ready for the words to flow onto the pages.
I run my mind over everything that has happened over the time since I haven’t written inside my little book.
My new friends.
Tanner.
Rodger.
Daniel.
Fear makes my body shake slightly, sending goose bumps over my skin. His actions, his words, everything about him makes the shakes become harder.
“And if you tell anyone I will fucking make your life the worst.”
Fearful tears sting my eyes but my body is to frozen to be able to wipe them away when they stream onto my cheeks.
“And if you tell anyone I will fucking make your life the worst.”
“Brook?” someone calls and out of the corner of my eye I see the door open.
The journal falls from my hands and the control for my body returns, allowing me to wipe the tears away and to pick it up, not looking at them.
“Are you alright?” he asks me.
“I’m fine.” I say, a little more hastily then I should.
I feel his eyes burning holes into the back of my head as I replace my journal to the nightstand and grab my bag. I turn towards him but keep my eyes of the floor, beginning to walk past him and almost reaching the door when he grabs my hand and pulls me to him. His blue eyes shining with concern.
“What going on?” he asks me softly.
“Nothing.” I say firmly.
“Don’t lie to me.” he whispers.
“Don’t act like you care.”
Surprise covers his face and I am a little taken back for my words also.
“What?” he shakes his head slightly, as if he wasn’t sure he heard me correctly.
“Your heard me.” I say, my voice shaking slightly.
“What are you talking about?”
“Stop acting like you care! Your mood swings are really giving me a headache! You either care or you don’t, you either like me or you don’t! Just choose which one you are instead of making me chase after you and your actions! I’m not going to wait for you forever!” I snap, the words flowing out of my mouth before I can even stop them, before I even know what I am saying.
My stomach is churning and my heart beats loudly and almost painfully in my chest. His fingers burn with warmth up my arm and through my body. I can feel the warmth of his body beside mine and I want nothing more but to press my own to him.
But I know it wouldn’t be right. I knew my words were though, even if I hadn’t known I was thinking them, I know they needed to be said. He needed to know how I felt, needed to understand that I wasn’t going to wait and baby him forever.
“You need to find out what you want and fast, I am tired of waiting for something that most likely won’t even happen, something that you may not even want.” I whisper, my tone remaining strong though.
“You think I don’t want this? You think I don’t want you?” he asks, his voice a mix of anger and surprise from the topic.
“I don’t know what you want! That is why I am telling you to find out! If you even know what you want!” I snap.
“I know exactly what I want!” He says loudly.
“Then why haven’t you said anything! Why have you kept me waiting!? Wondering!?”
“Because I wanted to see if you were going to run to him!”
Now it is my turn to be surprised.
“Who?” I ask dumbly, my voice barley a whisper.
“You know exactly who I am talking about.” He hisses, his face inches away from mine now.
“How many times do I have to tell you that me and Tanner are just friends?! That nothing is going to happen!?”
“As many as it takes! You obviously have had something with him in the past and I know you have to feel something for him! I didn’t know if what had happened would start up again!”
“You should have talked to me then! Toughed out your little shyness and hesitation and talked it out! Then you would have known nothing was going to happen!”
“I don’t think you even know if nothing will happen with you two in the future.” He growls.
“And I would be wondering the same thing if Hillary was here.” I whisper, my voice firm.
His face crumples slightly at the sound of her name and a hint of guilt flashes through me for a second.
“Like I said, I know what I want.” He says, his voice anything but broken.
“What?” I ask, confusion stirring slightly at his words.
“For everything to go back to normal. For my life to go back to how it was.” He says, pausing as he pulls back. “For everything to be like it was before you came.” He says coldly, making my stomach drop and tears sting my eyes slightly but I blink them away.
I can’t let him see me cry. I have to remain strong.
“Trust me, so do I. Then I wouldn’t have had to put up with your shit. All of it was a waste of my time.”
And with that, I turn away from him and out into the hall, before turning back to him.
“O, and be sure to be careful and not ‘accidently’ open my drawers and read my journal, we all know how nosey people can be.” I say, plastering on a tight smile and hurrying down the hall and down the stairs, the tears coming unstoppable now.
How did everything turn to that? How did my dreadful morning turn in the worst I have ever had?
“Hey! Brook! Where ya goin?!” someone calls from the kitchen, I open my mouth to reply but a sob escapes my throat. The tears blur my vision and my foot catches on the rug beside the front door and I topple to the floor, hitting my head on the door knob of the front door.
I lay on the floor for a moment, sobs coming out of my mouth as I struggle to my feet, my vision blurry and turning as dizziness takes over.
“Brooklyn!” Thomas says loudly, grabbing my hand. “Shit. Get me a towel!” he calls.
“Let go.” I sob, pulling away from him as I hear running footsteps approach us. I quickly turn to the front door but also see the others gathering and someone coming down the stairs. My gaze catches his and my heart stops and I feel as if I am going to vomit so I run out of the door after I open it.
“Brook! Wait!” he calls. “What the hell happened?! What did you do Rodger?!” I hear him yell, his voice fading slightly as I run across the yard, throwing my bag down so I don’t have to carry it.
Something warm is trickling down my skin from my hairline, where the painful pounding is occurring.
“B!” Dalton calls but I continue to run, pumping my arms and gaining speed, kicking off my sandals.
“Just let me go!” I scream after him, not even turning my head to see him.
Instead I continue to run down the sidewalk and into his yard before running up the steps and banging my fist on the door.
My breathing is loud and makes my chest heave. Tears stream down my cheeks, making them salty and sticky. My whole body racks with sobs and the shakes and I scream in my head for him to answer the door.
I bang my fist up against the door again and then it is pulled open quickly and a half asleep Tanner shows himself. Before his eyes can even widen from surprise I run to him, wrapping my shaking arms around him.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he murmurs, running his hand over my hair. “It’s alright, what’s going on?”
“I-I just need y-ou to be h-er-e for me ag-ain.” I sob into his chest.
“I never left.”
Rodger’s POV
“Where’s Brooklyn?” Dalton asks, shoving a waffle into his huge mouth.
“I guess still getting ready.” I shrug, looking towards the stairs.
“Go up and tell her if she doesn’t eat now she will be late.” Wendy tells me as she sits down.
I push myself away from the table and begin up the stairs. My heart beats slightly fast at the thought of seeing her. I think back to last night, remembering how badly my lips wanted to be pressed against hers.
But she had left.
When I have reached her door I listen, trying to hear movement and when I don’t panic stirs inside of me slightly at the thoughts course through my mind.
She probably over slept or you can’t hear what she is doing. Stop freaking out about everything.
“Brook?” I call before I open the door slowly and peek inside, my eyes instantly finding her sitting on her bed. Her little black journal that was once in her lap falls to the floor. Her head doesn’t even turn in my direction, it is as if she is frozen. Tears streak her cheeks and concern for her floods me.
“Are you alright?” I ask her.
“I’m fine.” She says, her voice snipping slightly.
Finally she begins to move, first picking up the journal and returning it to the drawer, then she grabs her messenger bag and walks towards the door way where I was standing, without even looking at me.
Before she can escape out into the hallway I grab her wrist, turning her to me and looking into her eyes.
“What going on?” I ask her softly, searching her eyes for any emotion she may be hiding.
“Nothing.” she tells me.
“Don’t lie to me.” I whisper.
“Don’t act like you care.”
I am taken back by her words and I try to wrap my head around them, her eyes looking calmly into my now confused ones.
“What?” I ask her, shaking my head so I can maybe hear what she really said.
“Your heard me.” she says, trying to hide the fact that her voice was shaking but I still heard it.
“What are you talking about?”
“Stop acting like you care! Your mood swings are really giving me a headache! You either care or you don’t, you either like me or you don’t! Just choose which one you are instead of making me chase after you and your actions! I’m not going to wait for you forever!” she snaps, her volume raising with emotion.
I am silent, I am still trying to get what she is saying, trying to understand her sudden outburst. My fingers are still wrapped loosely around her wrist and I want to tighten my hold but I am frozen.
“You need to find out what you want and fast, I am tired of waiting for something that most likely won’t even happen, something that you may not even want.” She whispers.
“You think I don’t want this? You think I don’t want you?” I ask her, anger burning slightly at her. Why does she think this? Why does she just assume this shit?
“I don’t know what you want! That is why I am telling you to find out! If you even know what you want!” she snaps.
“I know exactly what I want!” I say, my voice rising slightly.
“Then why haven’t you said anything! Why have you kept me waiting!? Wondering!?”
“Because I wanted to see if you were going to run to him!” I say, not even bothering to keep Tanner out of the conversation.
Her face freezes slightly with surprise that I brung him up. Well, since we are both being truthful then I guess I should come out with my shit too.
“Who?” she asks, her voice hardly audible with her low volume.
“You know exactly who I am talking about.” I hiss, bringing my face down to hers closely.
“How many times do I have to tell you that me and Tanner are just friends?! That nothing is going to happen!?” she shrieks.
“As many as it takes! You obviously have had something with him in the past and I know you have to feel something for him! I didn’t know if what had happened would start up again!”
“You should have talked to me then! Toughed out your little shyness and hesitation and talked it out! Then you would have known nothing was going to happen!”
“I don’t think you even know if nothing will happen with you two in the future.” I growl, anger burning strongly inside of me at the thought of her with him.
“And I would be wondering the same thing if Hillary was here.” she whispers, her tone firm.
Something inside me breaks as she says her name but I try not to let her see that. My anger grows bigger at her comment, how dare she throw Hillary in my face. There is no chance for me and Hillary again. Ever. And she knows that but she still continues to throw it in my face. Tanner is alive, anything could happen.
“Like I said, I know what I want.” I say, my voice anything but kind. Anything but hurt, anything but my own almost.
“What?” she asks, confusion clear on her face and in her voice.
“For everything to go back to normal. For my life to go back to how it was.” I say, pulling my face away from hers slightly, our gazes locked. “For everything to be like it was before you came.” I growl, my voice as cold as winter snow.
I freeze at my own words, they scare me slightly.
Did I really just say that? please tell me I didn’t.
But the expression on her beautiful face tells me otherwise. The hurt, the sorrow, the crumbling is all clear and a pain erupts in my chest, making my face soften.
“Trust me, so do I. Then I wouldn’t have had to put up with your shit. All of it was a waste of my time.” She says, trying to make her voice as cold as mine once was.
I am still frozen as she tears her wrist from my clutches and turns away, about to leave the room before she turns back to me.
“O, and be sure to be careful and not ‘accidently’ open my drawers and read my journal, we all know how nosey people can be.” She says tightly, her voice breaking slightly at the end as she begins walking down the hallway, her slow steps becoming running thumps as she runs down the hallway.
When I have come to my senses I run out of the room and after her, hearing a bang and a thump as I reach the end of the stairs, finding her laying on the floor. I step forward, about to run to her when she struggles to her feet and Thomas appears. Blood seeps from her hairline and my stomach clenches.
This is my fault. I shouldn’t have said it. I shouldn’t have said it because it broke her. I shouldn’t have said it because it was a lie.
A lie.
“Brooklyn!” Thomas yells, grabbing her wrist like I did moments ago when she sways slightly. “Shit. Get me a towel!” he calls to someone, making Lucus turn and run from the room, retrieving a towel.
“Let go.” She sobs, pulling her hand away and looking around her slowly, her eyes meeting mine and my heart stops. Her face crumples and another sob escapes her throat before she throws open the door and runs out.
“Brook! Wait!” Thomas calls after her. “What the hell happened?! What did you do Rodger?!” he yells, turning to face me.
“Just stay out of it.” I say, walking towards the door but he grabs my upper arm and I slowly turn to him. “Let the fuck go.” I growl, my voice holding a warning tone.
“Tell me what the hell happened then.”
“It’s none of your business, now just let me go fix it.” I say, pulling roughly away from him.
“You really think I am going to let you near her after what just happened? She was a mess and I know you were the cause of it!” he yells.
“You don’t know anything!” I roar.
Without thinking I turn away from him and slam my clenched hand into the wall, my fist flying through the drywall, leaving a hole. Wendy lets out a shriek and her hand goes to her mouth, telling me she was here.
My breathing is making my chest and shoulders heave, anger burning almost uncontrollably inside me.
I let out a frustrated yell and hastily grab my keys from the table beside the door and stomp down the steps and to my car.
“Hey! You shouldn’t drive right now-…” one of them calls but I ignore them and get into my car and slamming the door. I turn on the ignition and speed out of the driveway and down the street.
I floor the gas pedal until I am out of town limits and there are mostly trees whizzing by my windows instead of buildings.
My fingers clench the steering wheel tightly, so tightly in fact my knuckles are white. My breathing is still rough and my heart hammers painfully in my chest.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I yell hitting the horn.
The sound of the horn must make a scared rabbit jump from the brush beside the road for it jumps in front of the car, making me swerve to attempt to miss it. Instead of the metal of my car connecting with the fur of the rabbit, it connects with the trunk of a tree.
Shattering glass fills my ears and a painfully slam to my head erupts through me, making my eyes clench shut.
Only, they don’t open again.
The whole world remains dark.
YAY! (WELL, NOT FOR THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER) ;) SORRY FOR THAT BTW! ANYWAY! LOL! I THOUGHT I WOULD UPDATE BECAUSE MY AWESOME READERS GOT ME UP TO 2000 READS! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! UGH! MADE MY MONTH! :D
AS FOR THE ENDING OF THIS CHAPTER, THIS WASN'T EVEN PLANNED BUT AS I WAS WRITING MY MIND TOOK A DIFFERENT TURN SO I JUST POSTED IT LIKE THIS.... HOPE THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE TEAM RODGER ARE TOOOOOO MAD AT ME... ;) LOL
BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS CHAPTER AND THE ENTIRE BOOK FOR THAT MATTER, WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU! :)
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