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Wounds Too Deep For Healing
By: adrianna234t
Reviewer: MiniMoxx
Cover/Title: 1/10
- So on wattpad the title reads: "Wounds To Deep To For Healing" < I think you want "Wounds Too Deep For Healing" or even "Wounds Too Deep To Heal" so immediately readers won't know what the title actually is.
- The cover photo is good, but the title is hidden with black text. I THINK I can see "wounds too deep for healing" which answers my question of what is the title.
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Blurb: 0/10
- The excerpt is very long. It puts me off if I'm being honest. If you're going to have one, I'd keep it to one or two lines. A blurb's purpose is to give us a snapshot of the characters and the plot. An excerpt doesnt do that, and most people would be put off.
- The blurb itself is just one long sentence and needs severe editing. Names need to be capitalised properly, 'making babies' is very strange as a phrase. You're also giving away the plot too much. Consider alluding to it instead.
"We don't know" is breaking the fourth wall, which is quite distracting as a reader.
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First Chapter: 1/10
- The character's surname needs to have a capital letter at the beginning, as do first names.
*freshmAn year, not freshmen
Why barely one hand? That doesnt quite make sense.
- A lot happens and to be honest, I'm not sure what happens when. The grammar, I'm really sorry to say, puts me off as a reader. There are far too many mistakes to understand much of it.
I'm not sure what kind of person would hear moaning and imagine a massage is happening?
"Planting seeds in Ruby" no one speaks like this in real life. I'd say "How long have you and Ruby been having an affair?"
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Grammar/Punctuation: 0/10
- All dialogue needs to have some sort of punctuation: "This is how you do it when you use a dialogue tag," says the reviewer. "Or this is the other way to do it." If the reviewer does not have a dialogue tag.
- Honestly there are so many spelling mistakes, I can't list them all, but I would run your writing through a programme like Grammarly or even Microsoft Word's own checker, or Google Docs version. Also some words you use have two separate spellings for different contexts, so Google the word before you use it.(example of this is soar instead of sore. Your hands get SORE if you hurt them, you SOAR high in the sky)
(one other example is that you use through instead of throw to show he threw the card on the floor)
- There's not a lot of any punctuation past full stops or speech marks in places which leaves sentences to either be choppy or too long. My advice is to look up how to use things like commas, semi colons, colons and dashes and try to vary your sentences for effect.
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Vocab: 1/10
- The vocab is very very basic, and unfortunately a lot of times the words used are wrong in terms of spelling or word type. My advice here is to use a dictionary and thesaurus. For example: if I want to use the word 'cold', there are so many different synonyms to use instead of cold: freezing, chilly, breezy, icy. Using these variations will elevate the writing and engagement of the reader.
- The 'making babies' and 'planting seeds' here are euphemisms for sex. If you're going to write about sex, you cannot be afraid to talk about sex. It's a normal biological function. Saying the word sex does not make your story mature, or anything like that. It would allude to me that the author is not mature enough or confident enough in their writing and they need to be. The plot is alluding to a realistic, coming of age character driven story where the character finds love after being cheated on. No person old enough to be having sex would assume a moan is an innocent massage for example.
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Plot/Pacing: 1/10
- The plot itself has potential. But the plot right now is very confusing. The title and blurb suggest it's a boyxboy story. However I actually don't know who is who and what gender. The character's name is June, which doesnt suggest any gender. There's a guy and a girl in bed together I think. The second chapter says there are rumours going around that our main character is pregnant, which would assume June is a girl. So where's the boyxboy? I'm genuinely confused about what is going on.
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Characters/Character Development: 0/10
- I don't know anything about any of the characters. There's no descriptions, no originality to them, no unique quirks or ages. I dont even know their genders properly to discern anything between them.
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Originality: 0/10
- Right now, it doesn't feel original. That's because there are no characters to relate to: in terms of no characterisation, no description, the story CAN be original, the author just needs to work on the writing and literary devices and thus, they will find their own way.
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World Building: 0/10
- Unfortunately, there is none. I don't know anything about the world that we're being put into for this story.
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Imagery: 0/10
- There's no imagery here. When writing, you want to use literary devices like similies, analogies, metaphors, descriptions. This in turn will build up the world building and characterisation to get the reader into this story. My advice here is to look up what these are and look at other books and authors and see how they put this into practice.
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OVERALL: The plot has potential. However, there are lots of errors here that really put me off as a reader. I'm really sorry, please don't take offence to this. I only want to help you. But hopefully this will help you in finding what you need to work on to really get your writing elevated and better. ❤️
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Questions for the author:
- What do you think of the review? Did it help you improve?
- What kind of story are you going for? Tell us so we can understand you.
- What do you enjoy about writing? Tell us how it makes you feel.
- What is your writing process like?