"Wait, you did you what?!" Botan shouted, nearly falling off the bed.
Asuka groaned and hugged herself.
"I can't believe this!"
It was Tuesday. Unable to contain her angst over spending the weekend with Kurama but nothing happening as a result, Asuka called Shizuru and asked if they could have a girl's hangout after school. Keiko showed up, and Botan, who was never one to miss a party, also came down.
They'd eaten their way through a box of pizza when Shizuru asked Asuka to spill. What she said completely shocked her friends.
"I know, okay," Asuka said. "And you were right Botan, if that makes you happy."
"Well duh it makes me happy."
"Happy about what?" Keiko asked.
Botan flipped upside down on the bed and grinned like a cat. "I told Asuka a couple weeks ago that she couldn't run away from her feelings for Kurama, and they should both stop being dummies and confess their undying love for each other and I just think—"
"I do love him."
There was silence from the rest of the girls. Even Botan, who'd been teasing Asuka was shocked to hear her say it so seriously.
Shizuru smiled. "Of course you do, Asuka."
Asuka ran her fingers through her tied back hair. "I just...I don't know what to do. He...he asked me to stay with him all weekend, but he never made a move. In fact, he seemed completely normal. When Kurama asked me to spend all that time with him, I thought it meant he felt something for me. But now I wonder if he just thinks of me as a friend, and nothing more."
"There's no way!" Botan cried. "He has to feel the same Asuka!"
"What do you think Keiko?" Shizuru asked.
Keiko tilted her head in thought. "I don't know. That's not anything like Yusuke and I. But it's not really the same thing, is it? Yusuke is actually fifteen. I'm fifteen. But Kurama is over a thousand years old and Asuka, you're..."
"Also old?"
"You make yourself sound like a granny when you say it like that," Keiko laughed. "But yes, Asuka. You're probably pretty old too. And how does that old of a yokai act when he's in love? I have no idea."
"Very wise," Shizuru said. She popped open a can of beer.
Botan reached over and motioned with her hand for Shizuru to give her a can.
Asuka wrinkled her nose. Cheap beer wasn't really to her pallet, but a drink sounded good. "Do you have any sake?"
"Asuka...."
"I need a drink and I'm a granny, so don't deny this poor old woman her only solace."
Shizuru laughed. "Fine, you win. Sorry Keiko. None for you."
"I don't want any. I think alcohol is gross."
Shizuru returned a moment later with a bottle of sake and a cup. She set the bottle down next to Asuka, who poured herself a drink, and knocked it back.
"Yeah, you've definitely had a drink or two before," Shizuru said.
"Cheers," Asuka said dryly.
Shizuru took another swig of beer then looked at Asuka thoughtfully. "Why haven't you used your Insight? I'm guessing you could rather easily learn what his true feelings are."
"I could, but I don't want to do that. It's extremely rude, and it's a violation of trust. I won't look unless asked."
"You're a better person than me," Botan said.
Asuka sighed, then poured herself another cup full of sake.
"Asuka," Shizuru said, "Have you ever considered that maybe Kurama feels rather strongly for you, but he's afraid of his feelings?"
Botan was practically vibrating.
"I...no? I haven't? It's Kurama. He's not afraid of anything, you know?"
Shizuru smiled and sat down next to Asuka. "Think of it this way. Like Keiko said, Kurama is very old. When he was a full Yokai, he was feared. He was a thief. He was selfish, powerful, brutally cold, and quite vain. Then he came here where he first experienced love. But it was familial love—love for his mother. Now enters you. You turned his world upside down. You know him. He finds you beautiful. Desirable. It's not anywhere near the same."
Asuka hugged her knees.
"There are very few new experiences left to someone like Kurama," Shizuru continued, "but this, falling in love, is very new. And it's frightening for everyone. Imagine how it would feel for him. Imagine how confusing it would be for him."
Could it really be that Kurama was afraid? It sounded so bizarre. And even more outlandish was the idea he thought her desirable. Was it even possible he wanted to explore her the way she wanted to explore him? Asuka thought back to him standing by the couch. She imagined it going very differently. A slow, open mouthed kiss. Her fingers running through the ridges and valleys of his bare chest, tracing the crevasses of his hardened abs before revealing the rest that was hidden to her.
I want all of him, and I want to give him all of me. I want him to get lost in me. I want us to experience a bliss we've never fathomed. And I want...
"Why did you try to run away from your feelings?" Shizuru asked.
Asuka blinked, momentarily lost because of the fantasy she just indulged in. It wasn't the first time her mind had wandered down that road but...
Damn.
She took a long swig straight from the sake bottle, abandoning the cup altogether.
"Well," Asuka said attempting to refocus, "first I assumed he could never feel that way about me, and then I assumed if he wanted more from our relationship, he'd say so. I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure I didn't ruin our friendship because of how I felt. He's my best friend."
Keiko reached over and threaded her hand through Asuka's. She gave it a squeeze.
"Welp, guess you've got to make the first move!" Botan said, grinning.
"Botan!" Kieko rebuked. "It's not that easy. I know you love being a matchmaker but take this seriously."
Botan sat up and crossed her arms. "I'm sorry. You're right, Kieko. If I were in your shoes Asuka, I wouldn't want to waltz up to Kurama and confess my love either."
"Yeah." Asuka drank more sake. "I just...I just feel stuck. We lived in the same house for a weekend. What else can I do?"
The other girls remained silent.
"I'm going to get up and use the bathroom. Be right back." Asuka stood up and felt lightheaded. I drank too much too fast. Oh well.
She took her time walking through the apartment to the bathroom. When she rounded a corner, she found Kuwabara.
"Asuka!" he said, folding her into his arms for a giant hug. "Didn't know you were here."
"Yeah, Shizuru, Botan, Keiko and I—"
Kuwabara eyed her and frowned. "Have you been drinking?"
"Maybe?"
His mouth hung open. "That bastard!"
"Huh?"
"Kurama's made you so miserable that you've resorted to drinking. I'll kill him."
Asuka blinked. Sometimes she forgot how perceptive Kuwabara really was. "Hey Kuwabara?"
"What?" he was still frowning.
"How do I tell Kurama I love him, without, you know, telling him I love him."
"Eh?"
Asuka explained.
"Hmm...." His entire face crinkled in concentration. "Tell him with your piano playing."
Of course.
Asuka smiled, and hugged Kuwabara again. "Thanks friend. I owe you."
"Consider it payback, for the train ticket."
"Did you go?"
Kuwabara smiled. "Yeah. It was good to talk."
Asuka left Kuwabara and used the bathroom. After, she grabbed her cell phone and dialed Ena's phone number.
"This is Ena," her cheery voice said on the other end.
"Ena, it's Asuka."
"Asuka! Hi. What can I do for you?"
"Well," Asuka laughed nervously. "I know this is last minute, but I need to change what I'm playing for this Saturday. I'm sorry. I know the programs are printed for the set."
"I see," Ena's voice had a hint of amusement to it. "What do you have in mind?"
Asuka told her.
"Okay Asuka. Consider it done. Good luck."
Asuka wasn't sure why Ena would say such a thing, but she went back to the bedroom where the girls were hanging out and announced, "I know what I'm going to do."