it hits me sometimes
these rush of emotions
as i am lying there
trying my best to be in the moment
it hits me sometimes
this new reality
without Jared
and I think how easy
it would be
to text him
My pussy is in bloom for you
but I can never do that again
it's like a novel you finished reading
you don't go back to read
the sun was burning me up
but my mind was on fire
i kept thinking of his hands
inside me
and I felt my body
react
i got up
Going in the water
who wants to come?
Sofia and Eleni both nodded no
I walked on the hot sand
my feet becoming full of energy
my body relaxing
The water cooled me down
but inside this fire burned me
how would I do it?
I felt so weak
I put my head under the sea
and swam
felt the coldness relax my shoulders
i became accustomed to it
stared at the sky
lifted my head up
and just like that realized
i had not thought about Jared
it was me and the universe
i breathed in and out
i can do this
i needed the sea
i realized there and then
i could never go back and live everyday without the sea
it was in these moments I was truly free
I did not want to be locked up in an apartment
ever again
I knew what I had to do.