the sun was bright as the star it is
the air was hot as Greece could be
the iced coffee I was drinking was waking me up
everyone I have ever loved has left me
except Jared. he would have been loving me
his way for as long as he wanted
i suppose he loved me in his limited way
i felt as if he really did have more walls than i did
i was more transparent
he kept evading every question
with silence or hoping i would forget
and i did. i kept forgetting but honestly
i never did. it was always lurking
in the dark.
i can't justify his reasons
in the end
i am the one i have to take care of
not him or anyone else.
It's my heart
that needs to flourish
to love
to be loved in all the ways it needs
and wants
not for fifteen minutes or an hour
but for my entire lifetime
i kept walking without even looking at my phone
i kept thinking that even though
it was over between Jared and me
in a technical term
it would take months or years
for me to truly get over
this bond we had
this unhealthy connection
i knew that more than ever
sex was not the answer either
an orgasm was not the answer
words were not the answer
this walk is the answer
time and distance
being by myself
and in this moment
is the only answer I need
I reached the beach
I was about to text the girls
but I decided to not look at my phone
I would walk around and find them
nothing else to do
but be in the moment.
Jared could not reach me now
never
he was out of my life
and I truly felt at peace
with that
not tortured or in love
or thinking of the past.
I found them and jumped in front of them
they sat up from the lawn chairs
Hey, Dalia! Finally
we lost you last night!
Where did you go?
I was with Thanos!
Why didn't you tell me he was so spiritual?
Oh, yeah, he is such a sweetheart. Sophia said.
You will eat him alive. Be careful. He is super
sensitive, although he looks as if he's not.
I am not interested in him like that. We were talking as friends. He was giving me spiritual advice. We spoke all night long. I even had breakfast at his place.
They both looked at each other and grinned.
Thanos is too good for anyone. Just don't break his heart.
That is not happening. I am going to visit his wellness centre.
Sophia's phone pinged.
She looked down and smiled.
It's Thanos. He wants to know where we are
and if you are with us. She looked right at me.
Cool, I said. We have so much to talk about.
Eleni laughed, That's how it starts.