As Helena and Mark got to the hospital, they stopped to talk to Callie, by a nurses station.
"Morning, Callie." The girl greeted, stealing her boyfriends coffee to take a sip.
"Oh, morning. Are you... healed yet, Mark?" The resident asked, attempting to hide her giggle.
At that, the man narrowed his eyes at the woman, almost pouting. "I am, thank you very much."
"I am still to understand how you did that, Lena." Callie chuckled, Helena going red. "I mean, you're just so... tiny."
"Hey, I don't talk about my sex life, remember?" The girl cleared her throat, still blushed, as Mark smiled at her amusedly.
"Well, except for when you're telling me in Spanish you broke the bone." The resident giggled, Helena glaring at her.
Suddenly, Callie grabbed Mark's arms, hiding behind him.
"What are you doing?" The man asked, clearly confused.
Looking behind her shoulder, Helena saw the blond attending she'd recently been working with. "You're hiding from Arizona?"
"I went all say anything to the peds surgeon in front of the peds surgeon date." Callie explained, reappearing from behind Mark. "Now I am hiding from the peds surgeon."
"I should get going, I'm on the pit today. But, for the record, she's great, you two would be great together." Helena smiled, her dimples popping out, as she walked down the hallway.
——
As she was working with Hunt, they entered the trauma room to check on their new patient, as the paramedic informed.
"Beth Dearborn, 17 year old with a history or seizures, had a grand mall during the marching band performance. Started seizing again upon arrival."
"Push two of lorazepam." The attending instructed.
"She's in V fib. Ventilate and charge the paddles to 200, please." Helena ordered, glancing at the heart monitor.
"Wait, the v fib could just be an effect from the seizures. We shock her and she's not actually in v fib, she could flatline." The redhead explained. "Have you got a pulse?"
"I don't think so, Dr. Hunt. It's hard to tell." The girl answered, soon pointing out. "The lorazepam is not working... what do we do?"
"We shock her and save her or shock her and kill her." The man took a deep breath before deciding. "What the hell." He grabbed the paddles, shocking the girl and, thankfully, getting her heart beat back.
"Sinus tach..." Helena breathed out in relief as Arizona came into the room.
"Good call, Dr. Hunt." She smiled, grabbing the young girl's chart.
As she woke up, the teen complained. "Oh no...! It happened again?"
"Beth, I'm Dr. Robbins, I'm the pediatric surgeon on call. This is Dr. Hunt and Dr. Campos."
"You got beat up pretty bad while you were marching. We're gonna get some tests, check for internal bleeding." The ex military man added.
"I seized during the performance? But I took my meds!" Beth complained.
"Hey, don't worry about it. You don't need to be embarrassed, it's not a big deal." Helena smiled at her reassuringly.
"But it is embarrassing! I had a seizure in front of the entire marching band, it is embarrassing!" The girls huffed. "They're gonna kill me..."
"Who?" Helena asked, curious.
"Seizure patrol!" The girl explained.
As if on cue, two other band teens entered the room, Helena approaching them. "I'm guessing you two are the... seizure patrol?
"I'm first flute, he's drum major. Whenever Beth has a seizure, we have to drop her instruments and go roll her on her side so she doesn't choke on her tongue." One of the teens said, a clear look of annoyance in her face.
"We were in the middle of the north west regionals parade, and we were favorite to win. Until Beth took out the drums, half of the woodwinds... she was right in the middle of formation." The boy added, rolling his eyes.
"Right...why don't you go call her parents?" The doctor suggested, attempting to hide how uncomfortable she was at their lack of empathy.
As the kids left, Hunt approached her. "I'm gonna run some tests, but she's already coded once so I want you to watch her and stand by with a crash cart."
"Sure, Dr. Hunt." Helena sighed, pulling out a bench and sitting next to the teen girl. "Guess you're stuck with me." She smiled.
——
After getting the girl admitted, Helena charted in her room, the girl's bandmates still present.
"I don't know why Mr. Bimm even let her join band." The teen on the seizure patrol whispered.
"Hey..." Helena warned, a harsh look on her eyes.
"What? Not like she's a master flautist." The girl rolled her eyes.
"Ok, that's enough. Both of you, out." The doctor instructed, seeing the pain on Beth's face.
"Mr. Bimm says where supposed to stay with her." The boy explained.
"I've got her, I'm seizure patrol now. Besides, anyone that upsets my patients' well being is not welcome in their room." Helena warned, the teens leaving. Sighing, the resident resumed her charting, looking up to the teen girl with a smile. "I'm sorry, but you're friends are kind of awful."
"They're not my friends." The girl explained, looking down at her fidgeting fingers. "When you have seizures in front of the whole school, friends are kinda hard to come by. Besides, being in the band doesn't exactly help."
"Look, if people don't wanna be yours friends because of the seizures, you don't want them in your life either, to be honest." Helena gave her a comforting smile. "And, about the band, if you love it don't give up on it because of what others think."
"What did you do in high school?" The teen asked.
"I wasn't here in America yet, just from my senior year." The short girl shrugged. "We don't really have high school clubs back home. I enjoyed learning languages, reading and science... things like that. I was a bit of a nerd, to me honest." Helena giggled. "It was a long time ago, though."
"Fine. How'd you feel if you sized every time you went into the operating room?" Beth asked, making her doctor sigh.
"Ok, I get your point." Helena agreed, focusing back on her work.
——
"And he just walked out, without saying a word, he just walked out." Meredith complained about Derek, at lunch.
"Hunt won't even look at me since he went all apocalypse on me this morning." Cristina did the same.
"My patient's friends are asses. No other way to put it, just asses." Helena sighed, taking a bite of her salad.
"He had to get all scalpel happy up on that patient's brain, and now he can't face it." Meredith took her turn.
"Those kids blame and dislike Beth for having a seizure. Who does that?" The short girl asked, not expecting an answer.
"What, he thinks I'm like this wilting flower? Well, guess what, I'm the strong one." Cristina said.
"Oh my god, I'm the strong one."
"Apparently I am, too. I mean, I did break Mark's... thing." Helena rose her brows, taking a sip of her water.
"You see, if I had that stomach cancer gene, I would get that gastrectomy, no problem. I'd face things, I don't walk away." The Asian added.
"My kid's friends want her to walk away from the band. It's not fair that she might have to give up the thing she loves." The brunette told her people.
"Derek walks away. Maybe walking away is the answer."
"See, it's not emotional, it's science. If you have a problem, don't ignore it."
"Well, unless it just doesn't have a solution. But, yeah, if you ignore it, it doesn't just go away." Helena shrugged.
"Yeah, sometimes if you have to pee and you ignore it, it does go away." Meredith nodded.
At that, Izzie, who had intently been watching the conversation, butted in. "You guys are hilarious. I mean, do you even know what she just said. Or what she just said?"
"Well, yeah, Meredith ignores peeing and Cristina doesn't ignore her problems." Helena confirmed, her friends looking at her with their heads tilted and brows furrowed. "What, did you not listen to anything I said?" At the girls' blank expression, she giggled. "Good to know."
"We can't all have the brain power to talk about something and listen to something completely different at the same time, Lena." Meredith pointed out, the short girl shrugging.
"I can totally see you guys in fifty years at a nursing home just talking at each other with your hearing aids off." Izzie giggled, making the girls look at her, suspicious of her weirdly chirpy disposition. "Hilarious. Oh, I love lunch."
Narrowing her eyes at the girl, Helena asked. "Izzie? You ok?"
"Yeah, fine." Izzie nodded, making Helena nod back, almost trying to convince herself.
She's fine, she says she's fine. Don't overthink it.
——
As Helena sat by the girl's bed side, she heard her heart monitor going off, looking up to see she had gone into v fib.
Furrowing her brows, Helena let out, at the unexpected reading. "What...?"
A couple seconds later, the girl started seizing, Helena rushing to help her as she yelled out. "Code blue!"
After the sizing was controlled, Arizona and Owen having entered the room soon after the code was called, the three doctors talked outside.
"Why is she coding when she seizes? It doesn't make any sense..." The trauma surgeon let out.
"Not in a girl this young, her heart should be fine." Arizona agreed.
"Dr. Robbins, Dr. Hunt, Beth coded before her seizure, not during it." Helena affirmed, sure of what she was saying. "I saw her heart go into v fib."
"She's seventeen with no heart history, Campos." Owen corrected.
"I know, Dr. Hunt, but I saw it on the monitor." The short girl explained, looking up at the redhead.
"You think you saw it on the monitor. Seizures are chaotic, doctors panic in the moment..." Arizona explained.
Frustrated, Helena repeated herself. "Respectfully, I know what I saw, Dr. Robbins. I'm sure of it."
"Are you suggesting I tell that girl and her parents she had been wrongly treated for epilepsy for six years?" The pediatric attending asked.
"I think so, yes. And I think we should do a cardiac work up with an ep study." Helena nodded, confidently.
"You want me to deliberately shock a perfectly healthy child's heart? Absolutely not." At the other attending's silence, the woman turned to him. "Dr. Hunt?"
"If she's right it'll explain the coding..." The man sighed, considering the possibility.
"If she's wrong, it will kill her."
"Dr. Robbins, I'm sorry but am not wrong. I know you haven't known me for that long, but I take my responsibility to my patients very seriously. I would not be suggesting this if I weren't sure of what I saw!" The girl looked at her superior, almost silently asking her to concede. "I'm asking you to trust me on this one." Helena looked at the two attendings in front of her.
"Fine. Then it's your call, Campos." Owen agreed, Helena sighing in relief as Arizona looked shocked.
"Thank you."
——
Helena flopped down next to George, who charted on a hospital bed in the hallway.
"I saw my patient go into v fib before seizing, I am sure of it, so I suggested he did an ep study. I know it seems unlikely, the girl has been treated for epilepsy for six years, but I'm sure of it. But Robbins didn't agree, she didn't want to do it, she said it could kill the girl. Now, we're doing it. And even if I'm sure of what I saw, you know how I get when I feel like I've disappointed figures of authority! I get all anxiously and sad and... and I cry!" The girl vented, taking in a deep breath at the end. "So I need a pep talk."
"Lena, you're a great doctor, the best resident I know. So, if you say you saw it, I believe you did. I know you wouldn't endanger a patient if you weren't, anyone that knows you realizes that. And Robbins will too, after you diagnose her." George smiled up at her, Helena grabbing his hand. "You've got this."
"Thank you, Georgie. See, I haven't had the usual conflict-with-authority panic attack, maybe I'm improving!" Helena joked, making the boy let out a giggle before she sighed. "You know, about what the others are saying, that Izzie is falling behind and she'll be the new you? That's... well, that's crap." She giggled as she shook her head. "You almost read more journals and do more research than me, and you log more hours in the skills lab that any of us. More than that, you never give up, you're always improving, and you never step on others to do so. As I see it, anyone would be lucky to be the new you."
At that, George smiled softly at her, Helena letting her head fall on the boy's shoulder. "Thank you, Lena." He took a deep breath before continuing. "You know, when we first said we loved each other, when we were interns, and you said that thing about the pigeon? When that man almost fell on us and the pigeon saved us?" The girl nodded, looking up at him. "Well, you're still my pigeon. It took us a while to figure out that what we have is platonic, not romantic, but you're still my pigeon. You're... you're the sister I've never had."
"You're my pigeon, too. I don't know what I'd do without you." Helena whispered back, letting herself enjoy the moment they were sharing.
The moment that, unbeknownst to her, would be one of the last ones.
——
Beth already laying on the table, ready for her procedure, Helena spoke to her.
"You're gonna be ok, Beth. We've got you, alright?" She smiled down, the girl smiling back through the tube in her mouth.
"I'm gonna ask you one more time, Campos." Arizona spoke up, her voice steady and somewhat harsh. "Are you sure about this?"
Helena swallowed hard, before looking the woman in the eyes, aware of the weight of her decision. "I am."
"Then you're on crash cart." The peds surgeon told her, handing her the paddles, as she was clearly against the procedure. "If you're wrong, be ready to use it."
Helena gripped the paddles hard in her hands, until her knuckles turned white. She knew that her attending was only expressing what she thought was best for the child, and she did not judge her for that. But so was she. Helena Campos was sure of what she'd seen, and, even through the anxiety and fear she was feeling, she would not stop standing up for what she believed was the patient's best interest. And, as such, she took a deep, calming breath before they started. She would not let her anxiety make her doubt herself again. Not when a kid's life was at risk.
As they preformed the procedure, Helena kept holding on to the paddles as if they were her lifeline.
"Let's take the pace up to three hundred." Arizona instructed.
"Vitals are still stable." Hunt pointed out.
"This is pointless, studies are showing no sign of arrhythmia." The blond attending sighed.
Suddenly, the monitor began to beep, Hunt announcing. "Wait, v tach, she's in v tach!"
"Alright, let's pace her out of hit, take her to 330." Arizona instructed.
"Bp's down, 60 over ten. She's not breaking, Campos, get in there, now." Owen ordered, is voice commanding.
At that, Helena felt her resolve break slightly, as she placed the paddles over the girl's chest. She knew what she's seen, didn't she? Or had she just panicked like Robbins suggested? What if she had just endangered a teen's life for nothing?
"Wait, hold the shock!" Owen warned, noticing something on the monitor. As Helena waited, hands hovering over the girl, she could feel her heart beating in the ears. She'd been so sure of what she'd seen, how could this be happening? How could she be responsible for a child's death?
"She's coming up." Arizona whispered, raising her voice as she continued. "This could be a RVC. Her right ventricle is causing the arritmia!"
"Her brain isn't getting enough oxygen and she sizes." Owen completed, a smile on his lips. "Campos, you've just saved this girl's life!"
At that, Helena felt her vision clouding with tears, as her hands began to shake uncomfortably. It'd always been that way: once Helena was working a a doctor, saving someone, the panic was pushed back but, as soon as she finished, the feeling washed back over her. Now, the brunette stared straight ahead to the shaking paddles, the stress from earlier catching on as she felt a panic rise. The room started to spin slightly as she struggled to get her breathing back to a normal rhythm, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, Owen whispering to her, calmingly. "It's ok. It's ok, just breathe. Put the paddles down and breathe."
He instructed as he took the paddles from the girl's hands, on of which she took to her chest in an attempt to calm her breathing. As the man still stood next to her, Helena placed a hand on his arm as to steady herself, her chest becoming increasingly tight.
"I-I'm... I'm sorry, I need a second." The girl muttered, walking out of the room, a hand to the nearest wall, leaving a clearly worried Arizona behind.
Once she was I the hallway, she walked into the nearest bathroom, allowing herself to cry as she tried to catch her breath, telling herself that she was fine, that she was safe and this was just her anxiety. But, in the back of her head, was her constant worry: the OR staff had just seen the beginning of her panic attack. And that vulnerability only made it worse.
——
As Helena held up a mirror, allowing Beth to look at her chest, she explained. "It's a pacemaker. It's going to regulate your abnormal arrhythmia. Which basically means, you won't have any more seizures."
"So... I'm not sick anymore? You fixed me." The girl giggled in relief.
As she smiled, Helene explained. "Well, not exactly. You still have a serious heart condition, so we're gonna set you up with a cardiologists."
"But no one has to know. I won't be foaming out my mouth, I don't have to wear a bracelet to school... I can cover this with a shift." She cried in relief.
"Yes, no more seizures. That's something, right?" Helena smiled, taking notes on her chart.
"That's everything." Beth took her fingertips to her pacemaker. "Once people see you as sick, they don't see you as anything else."
"I know." Helena sighed. "For what it's worth, it gets better after high school. Sure, there are always a few jerks who still equate different to bad, but it gets better." The doctor smile at her patient as her bandmates walked into the room.
"Mr. Bimm just called. We didn't get a trophy." The teen girl told her.
"There's always next season, right?" The patient asked, hope in her eyes.
"Yeah, we were thinking maybe you should try out for choir or... debate. Something requiring les movement? We're just... worried for your safety." The boy told her.
"Well, you don't have to be. We fixed her." Helena told them, the patient giving her a mischievous smile before she spoke up.
"Yeah, they took out my epileptic bone."
"There's no such thing as an epileptic bone." The band girl scoffed.
"Are you a doctor?" The short resident asked, sharing a look with her patient. "Because I am, and that's what we took out. Saw it with my own two eyes in the OR."
"So she's, like, totally normal now?" The girl asked, a bitchy look on her face.
"Yeah, and, you know, if she was good before, think of how great she'll be now that's she's totally normal. I'd be scared if I were you, she might even take your position as the first flute." Helena told them, as they scoffed and left, Beth giggling as soon as they did.
"Thank you." She said through her giggles. "That was amazing."
"Oh, don't thank me." Helena waved her off, smiling. "That was also totally healing for fourteen year old me."
——
The girl's parents already with her, Helena watched as her attendings for the day approached her.
"How's she doing?" Owen asked, Arizona by his side.
"She's stable. The parents just got here." Helena smiled at him.
"You did a hell of a job today, Campos. The chief's gonna hear about this." The trauma attending reassured her, patting his shoulder as he left, a smile on the girl's face.
"That was a pretty impressive for a resident, Campos. You could very well become the future of this hospital. And, from what I've seen and heard, the future of pediatric surgery." Arizona smiled at her.
"Thank you, Dr. Robbins." Helena smiled back, this time a little weaker. Owen had showed to be understanding of her anxiety, but she had no idea of knowing what Arizona thought.
"About earlier, Helena, I'm sorry if when you... if what happened after the procedure was my fault." The attending told her, her smile softening. "I didn't ever... I never meant to make you feel as though we didn't trust you."
"You were only trying to do what you though was best for the patient, as was I. It wasn't your fault, Dr. Robbins, that..." She cleared her throat before continuing. "That wasn't a one time thing. Granted, it was the first time in the OR, but, still... I get where you were coming from. It's not your fault." Helena smiled up at her, the attending giving her a grateful nod. "Oh, and Dr. Robbins? I don't mean to intrude or... or to be inappropriate, but... well, you've seen me have a panic attack and a nightmare, I don't think this would be crossing any boundaries..."
"Yes, Helena?" Arizona smiled at the girl's rambling.
"You know Calliope Torres? Should you... should you be considering anything with her... she's pretty great." She suggested, the woman narrowing her eyes in thought as she left.
——
Word count: 3727
AN:
Hey there! I thought that this chapter was a great opportunity to explore a bit more of Helena's anxiety. Let me know what you think?
And, slo, if you're ever struggling with any mental health issues of your own or simply need to vent, my messages are always open!