For the past hour, Charlotte sat in her room staring at her ceiling, while she examined her behavior with Radley as well as her feelings for him. Her mother had taught her that the rules were to protect her innocence. That a man should never have the freedom to become intimate until after marriage. Otherwise, he would not want her for a wife.
Radley had pursued her as if he intended to ruin her. Yet, Ben trusted him. Truly trusted him not to dishonor her by such disrespectful means. Even though his kisses made her forget that. The other night if they had been alone, and she could have done as she wished, she would not have stopped him. He made her needy in places she hadn't been aware of before. She ached between her legs and squeezed them together to ease the sensation.
Now she knew why. The drawing in that book had her fantasizing about Radley and the same need came upon her. She wanted to explain to him why she shoved him away when she wanted to tell him to do something to help her.
There were times she saw her parents kissing when they didn't know they weren't alone, but Radley didn't seem to care who was around.
She paused with that thought because he had been reserved in front of Ruth.
From the moment she took his horse, he had played a game with her. He'd laughed at her antics, laughed at her rules, but frowned whenever she had pushed him away. How was she supposed to act? For that matter, how did she want to react?
Each time he'd offered his arm, she had taken it. He had acted possessive when Dalton Hudson had been introduced and she was pleased even though Dalton had shown interest in her.
Did she want to meet other men, or did she want to spend the rest of her life with Radley? That answer came quickly. Her heart ached as if her life would never be the same without him. But how would she convince him of that?
Perhaps when she saw him again at Kensingdale. By then perhaps he would talk more reasonably with her. He would have to go, wouldn't he? Father would want to have a party to celebrate Ben's marriage.
But what if he wouldn't speak to her? Would he disappoint Vivian by not coming? She didn't think so. Her mother could give her some advice... except it was her advice that set them apart.
She thought about everything he said about wanting a woman who loved him for who he was, and the tears began falling again. If he had treated her in such a way she would have pounded on his chest and screamed at him for confusing her.
That's what he'd done without raising his voice. He told her exactly what he wanted and why he didn't think she cared for him. It had been her fault. If she wanted him, she had to fight for him. Prove she loved him and accepted him as he was.
She couldn't go to Whites and demand he come out and speak with her... but he would go home, wouldn't he? No, Michael said he had women who would welcome him. She had to talk to him before he had a chance to do that.
A knock on her bedroom door disrupted her thoughts and she looked to see Owen enter. His expression was serious.
"I've waited for you to calm down. Michael laid out what you must do if you realize the mistakes you've made with Radley..." For the next ten minutes, he repeated what he'd been told.
She cried tears of shame that they had felt the same as Radley. If she needed to humble herself to get him back, she would. Owen didn't give advice; he just gave her the message for her to choose what future she wanted and then left. Determined to follow Michael's advice, she changed into a riding skirt, washed her swollen face from the tears, and then went to speak with Owen and tell him her plan.
At the bottom of the stairs, she heard the door knocker and saw Earnest answer the door. He received a note and set it down on a silver tray sitting atop a table near the door. Before he had a chance to pick up the tray, she snatched up the note and saw Michael's seal.
Without hesitating, she snapped it open and spread out the stationary. It simply read: 'Found Radley at home. We shall stay here for the night.' His signature was at the bottom. She set the note back onto the tray and grabbed her cape from the closet.
"Earnest, please inform my brother that I've gone to speak with Radley. But please offer him the note first."
"Shall I arrange a footman to ride with you?" he asked with an expression of concern.
"It is but a few blocks away. Owen will know what to do. He may decide to accompany me." But not if she could prevent it. She wasted no time as she rushed through the house and out to the stable. The stable boy rose from the stool he was sitting on while shining the metal rings for the carriage.
She spared him no time as she grabbed the harness hanging by the gate to the stall and stepped inside. Less than a minute later, she led her mare out and used a step to gain his back.
"Miss, shouldn't I put a saddle on your horse?"
"Open the gate. I'm in a hurry." She nudged her horse and as soon as she was clear, she kicked her horse into running.
At this moment, she knew she was breaking all the rules and didn't give a damn.
It wasn't long before she reached her destination. She rode towards the back to the stables and yelled for the stable master. He hurried out and lifted her down taking her horse into the stable, while she raced to the double doors in back that led to the library Radley used as an office. It was also where the bottles of liquor were stored for the men to have a drink.
She stood looking through the glass doors and saw Radley slumped in a chair drinking, and Michael sitting in the opposite chair. They were talking, and Michael laughed at something Radley said. She quietly tested the doorknob to make sure it was unlocked and smiled when it opened.
Without bothering to be quiet, she threw the doors open with grandeur, pointed to the door leading into the hall, and told Michael, "Get out. Your brother and I have some things to discuss and we're going to be alone. I'm not sure if Owen will follow me or not, but that door will be locked, and we will not be disturbed. Am I clear?"
Michael grinned, glanced at the pleasure on his brother's face, and hurried out shutting the door behind him. She walked to it and didn't see a key. She whirled around to face Radley. "I love you. I'm here to explain. Where's the damn key? I want this door locked from any intruders."
He rose from his chair with only the barest wobble and took the key from off the mantle of the fireplace. "Allow me," he said with a slur of words as he unsteadily made his way across the room and stabbed the key at the opening of the lock.
She grinned at the way he continually missed, bent to see it better, then hit his head against the door. He rubbed his head and almost stabbed his face with the key. She stepped forward to do it for him, but he grasped the key to his chest.
"I am perfectly ca-ap-able of locking this damn door. Stand aside, Madam." He knelt in front and then finally slipped the key inside and turned the lock. He was not steady as he tried to rise, so she helped him.
"By being here, you are breaking those rules you love. You should go home."
"I should have never listened to those confounded rules. Look what they've done to us. I hurt you with them and never recognized that I had."
He swayed on his feet, so she put an arm around him to guide him to the sofa.
"How do I know if you love me?" he asked as he tried walking while looking at her. "This isn't another trick, is it? Sometimes, I think you care for me, and then you shove me away."
"Have you ever thought I may be protecting my virginity?" she asked while trying to position him to sit. "I did listen to what you said earlier and now I see how horrible my behavior has been towards you.
"Those damn rules my mother taught me have been contradictory to my feelings for you. I learned the same thing as other girls. It was the man's place to make the girl feel special. Thus, you witnessed the lengths Ben went to for Vivian. But now I know that not all men would behave that way. Owen wouldn't. He barely tolerates me."
She lined the back of his legs up to the cushions and gently pushed him until he plopped down... and almost took her with him. She caught herself on the back of the sofa and straightened up.
"Are you going to remember anything I say tomorrow? You've had quite a lot to drink, haven't you?"
Instead of answering her, he asked, "We're alone. You always kiss me when we're alone. How can I be sure you're telling me the truth?" His body slowly began tipping over until he was laying on his side.
She shook her head and actually felt like laughing. "Well, if you weren't so drunk, I'd show you. Instead, I think it's best if I help you to bed. I'll come back in the morning and we can talk then."
"I don't want to go to bed. I want another drink. You broke my heart and I'm gonna fix it with a drink."
Instead, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back up before he passed out. "You can have the drink later. Right now, before you pass out where you sit, you need to help me get you to your room. If you don't, I'll call Michael to help me."
"Don't need help. Can do this by myself." He pushed forward to stand but fell forward onto the floor.
"Yes, I can see how capable you are." When she saw him start to lay down to sleep, she hurried and grabbed his arm. "Oh, no you don't. You have to stand up, Radley. You're too heavy for me to lift."
He frowned and slowly managed to get to his knees, use the couch to shove himself up, and then teetered like a tree in high winds. She grabbed his arm and wrapped it around her shoulder and then took his waist. With his first step, he almost took her with him back onto the floor.
"We should sit in front of the fire and I'll seduce you. Then I'll know if you love me."
"There is no fire, Radley. It's summertime. Besides, how can you seduce me when you'll be lucky to make it up to bed before you pass out?"
"I can do it. Just the thought of taking your clothes off is sobering. You've not done this before, but you'll like it. You looked at those pictures, didn't you? I bet you want to feel what that's like."
She was sort of glad he wouldn't remember this tomorrow, and since he couldn't, she admitted, "Yes. I've imagined what it would feel like having you touch me like that. But we should get married first."
"Nope. After." His lips came down on hers, but his teeth almost cut her lip when he began falling. "Sorry. We'll do that once I'm in bed."
"That's a good idea." She helped him balance as she got him back to the door, then released his arm to turn the key and swing the door open. To make sure the coast was clear, she looked around and then took him towards the stairs. "I hope we don't break our necks," she mumbled.
She didn't see the wicked grin on his face.
I sure hope you laughed, the next one is wicked funny too. But I have fun with this kind of action.
Please remember to vote and comment. Thanks for reading. I want to get the next one up too.