I bordered the plane
sat next to an old married couple
immediately started speaking Greek to me
I ended up filling up all their papers
explaining, translating a few words
they were really sweet too
kept arguing but in a familiar way
the way old couples do.
I imagined my parents
and how they would have been
if only I had actually seen them together
I wonder then if I would have been normal
and not constantly searching for men I could never have.
I closed my eyes.
I did not want Jared near me
I wanted to be alone
me and the immediate sea
the translucent water
baptizing me
it was time for my colourful rebirth.
The words inside me needed a break
the sentences needed to take naps
the paintings needed a rest
my mind desired tranquility
no chaos
no unanswered texts
no questions or answers
merely the time to heal
to be closer to my own skin
to my own decisions
no pressure to be anyone else
to be anyone's anything
I would meditate on the waves
my olive skin becoming darker
my chakras opening up to the universe
my closeness to my own being
giving me clues
to my energy
with no parents
the universe was my bloodline—
some people have a house full of cheeks to kiss
others have bottles of alcohol to swallow
I was born with gifts I finally opened
I was married to my gifts
they completed me
my art was my one true love
the rest was noise
trying to get through to my soul—
I had to protect it.
I felt a tug at my shoulder
I opened my eyes
the couple told me
we were landing.
I had slept a few hours
which is rare for me on a plane.
I said my goodbyes to George and Tasia
and they actually hugged me
wished me well.
After more travelling on a ship to get to the Island of Corfu
that blue healing sky
was giving me strength
my phone pinged
did you land?
Yes
I have not stopped thinking about coming to see you.
Not happening.
I want to be alone
It's over between us.
He didn't respond
when would he leave me be
I realized now
as I looked out into the blue water
and sky
I deserved more
I may be fucked up
I may have a high libido
I may like to drink too much
smoke too much
escape
I may live in fantasies
but reality grounded me
I needed someone to accept me
all day
all night
all seasons
all tempers
all angles
all of me
so I closed my heart
I imagined a white light around it
and a lock and key
this key
would be hidden in my psyche.