𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐫𝐲 [𝐡.𝐬]

36. goodbye evans

Fiona monez-

Louis and I were on our way home after we dropped them off and I was silently sobbing while looking out the window and I just know my mascaras all over the place.

"she'll be back f...one day," he says. i gave him a smile and a slight nod as i looked out the window trying not to cry or think about her. its a good thing she left, its the best thing for her. 

i looked around and recognized the familiar place, as soon as we got off the car we were walking side by side and i couldn't risk him actually remembering what i told him earlier. "um, Louis? did you happen to remember anything that I told you in the club earlier" I ask him and he just shakes his head. he dropped me off at the house, I walked in and it was immediately quiet. harry must've not been back from the club.

I know it's best that he didn't remember but i was really hoping he did. maybe he could help me get out of this place or something. 

I threw my jacket on the couch as I walked over to the kitchen with the bag Alex gave me. I was making coffee when I started to hear moans and shrieks getting louder and louder along with rhythmic banging. oh, yeah I know that sound. I immediately connected two and two together and realized harry was fucking some other girl.

I didn't want too but I felt tears start coming down my cheek. one because ew I slept there yesterday and  I don't know I thought we were going somewhere. I know it's really stupid of me to think about that but he kissed me, not the other way around. if you kiss someone you tell them how you feel, not just kiss them then not say anything. I hate that I'm starting to develop feelings for him, its annoying cause I've only ever felt this for one other person and they ended up being cruel and just abusive. 

I know harry has hurt me and I should have created that but I didn't because it's a normal thing to me. it's not my job to help him but, I want to. I like helping people for some reason only God knows why. but this is the one time I feel safe living with a man, I sort of trust him but maybe I'm going crazy but I do care for him. not to the point where I would cry over his body if he ever died. I think id cry if he ever died but not that dramatic. I think the only time I would ever do that is when I really love someone. like Alex, she's my best friend I would do that for her. 

I wish maybe I could have something with him for a week or less but that can't happen. it was probably ally he was fucking honestly. I wouldn't be surprised if she's already getting into it. I wipe my tears quickly as soon as I realize I'm crying over some dude that can never happen. I sit in the corner of the counter in the kitchen as I open the bag Alex gave me.

 took it out and immediately noticed all the small paperback books with flat flowers coming out of them as bookmarks.

I took one out and it was ariel by Sylvia Plath. it was iris's, daisies, and small little flowers you can pick outside.

the other books were similar to that, with the same pair of flowers. she knew I loved it when she did that for me back home. I would always bother her to do it.

I took out all the books and stacked them nicely next to me. I then took out my favorite shirt of hers that I adored. it was so pretty and I always bothered her to give it to me. I noticed there were a couple more clothes of her in there and they all smelled like her. as I suspected her perfume was all over these clothes and I knew it would be hard to take off.

I take out the folded single piece of paper that was sticking out of one of the books.

this is not the end.

that was it, the only thing in the middle of the paper. this isn't the end and I can't wait until I met her again. I started crying into her shirt that she left me and each time it was close to my face it reminded me of her.