Whistle over the waves. {BXB} [COMPLETED]

47. Aarav

'I love you too.'
He has scribbled over the note I left him in the morning. It has been a long day at work, the final preparations are coming along. He has gone out to collect the remaining bits of his life from his house.
We are leaving this country soon.
The bastard will go free and there is nothing I can do without losing Madhav's trust...
There is one thing...
But...
Revenge isn't worth losing Madhav, nothing is. All of the world's glory, all my enemies torn and bleeding, every victory pales before him.
There really are no words to describe exactly how he makes me feel.

I feel so reptilian, I have felt so for long, cold, I don't understand much the nuances that make people human. But when he is around, he lifts the curtain from my eyes, the numbers fade and the colours arrive. People start making sense. Their infatuations, their drawbacks, their desires, their sudden impulsive passions all gain meaning. It is with him that I realise my humanity, that I feel my blood flowing. It feels beautiful to be a person, it feels beautiful to not mind the equation for once...

I need him.
I need him to keep this warm ember alive inside me and I need him to need me and I know he does. He is barely here in this world, no one would be after going through what he has... he fades sometimes, wilts away and I anchor him back, pull him back. I bridge the gap between him and life. He is alive because I need him to live, if I let him, he will fade away. Like the magic he is made of, he will melt into thin air; Poof!
But I won't let him. I'll stand behind him every minute, watch him every second but I won't let him. He doesn't get to wave me goodbye and never return.

I need him because I like myself when I'm with him.
But when he isn't with me for long, something changes, the dull buzz returns more often, I find myself in my head and in my hands is death. I catch Abhinav as he flees, yanked by his hair he flies backwards. Terror fills his sharp brown eyes as I sit on his chest, an audible crunch announces the cracking of his ribs. I draw my hand back, my blood mottled in the hungry fist and I let myself snap.
The punches rain, they pour. A stray bone impales his eye and his nose caves into a bloody puddle. His handsome features warp and blur into a fleshy pulp. I can hear them cheering, my schoolmates shout in celebration, a teacher pats my shoulder but I keep punching and punching and punching and hear my name,
"Aarav..." Reva shouts. I don't hear her over the dull buzz, it fills my ears in a liquid siege. She screams again, "Aarav!"

"Aarav. Honey, are you ok?"
It is Madhav, he looks worried. The dull buzz cracks and vanishes, it cannot last around him. He sits next to me, rubbing my back gently, "You ok?"
"Yeah just a headache..."
"Long day?"
I nod. He shifts into my lap, planting a tentative kiss on my lips. I return it back, I'm hungry in a moment, I always am when I touch him. I pull his t-shirt off, his ribs feel like carved archs as my finger travels south. His throat stretches back in a swan like grace, his eyes sparkle. I pull his hair open. He falls into the bed, legs spreading already, I cannot resist him. He pulls me in, I yield. I make love to him like I want. Rough and tender and he surrenders every inch.

"Is this how you are going to comfort me after long days?" I ask him as I catch my breath. He giggles, his spent body is wrapped up in my arms. He feels so surreally fragile, I'm afraid to move...
"I intend to do it every chance I get..." he says.
"That's a fantastic idea, you have my solid support." I press myself into him, nipping on his neck.
"I can feel your solid support but calm down Mr. Sen. I'm too tired for round 2..."
I let go, he lays his head on my chest.
"Madhav... you have been losing weight consistently.... should I call Dr. Nithya?"
"No... it is just all of this is happening together, the stress of it and all... trust me once we go to New York, we are taking over Daisy's Diner. Then you'll tell me to hit the gym..."
"You better..." I stop mid sentence: his eyes seems like impossible pools of honey, my heart fills with love, I feel like I'm spilling over the brim, "I love you. Please, never die ok?"
A tear falls before I can help it.
"No no no no... never... you are stuck with me..." he wraps his frail hands around me and I know, he means it.

Sleep is dreamless that night. When I wake up, he isn't in the bed. I find him in a different room, amidst a maze of sketches and diaries. He looks tensed.
"Madhav?"
"Yes! Aarav yeah... I..." he is startled.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing... I need to find the Ruelle sketches for Sakshi... she is going to visit us before we leave..."
It doesn't sit well somehow, Sakshi visited us 2 weeks ago with her "engagement news" and she didn't seem so keen on visiting again. Right then something shifts in Madhav's eyes, his hand shivers and tightens over a particular sketch.
"What is that?" I ask, trying my best to stay calm.
"Nothing it is... noth.."
"Show it to me. Now!"
He starts sobbing, his shivering hand brings the sketch to me. It is of a tall figure wrapped in darkness, black tendrils grow from it and around. It radiates malice. At it's feet is a frail, light figure crouching away from the tendrils. The sketch in titled in a shaky hand, The Shadow.
I know instinctively what it is about but I ask him anyway.
"Is it...."
"It is him..." he sobs bitterly. I kneel beside him taking him into my arms. The dull buzz is already trickling into my ears.
"I... I am... I... I'm sorry Aar... rav.... I.... I'm so... sorry..." he stutters as his cries get the best of him. The dull buzz breaks another inch in, my hands twitch. I pull him closer to my chest as I breathe deeper and deeper till he imitates me. Soon his cries fall away into a teary silence.
"I'm... I'm sorry. I was trying to get rid of it... it is just that... he, the things related to him... they... they have this effect on me.... and I don't think as long as... we both exist... that it will stop affecting me..."
"Don't you know that you are safe with me?" I ask as the buzz tears through my head. I can feel the wheels jamming tight in my chest, axels are ripping off and into my bones, I am falling apart.
"I do... but I also know he exists with us too." He says and looks away, hot tears tumble soon.
My mind is hurling itself into something grotesquely familiar and the buzz has blasted itself to a full-blown storm and my senses are already sinking, my eyes close and my hands shiver. I... I am not me....
And then,
Right then,
Just as abruptly,
The buzz dies,
And everything falls into place.

I cannot kill him. I don't need to kill him.
I need only to take my Madhav away.
And I will.

I pull him closer to me, I lift him in my arms. I carry him to Our bed. I lay next to him as he shivers slightly.
"Don't worry love. We will be far away. Soon... we will be far away... it will all be ok... soon...." I chant into his ears.

His shivers stop. His breathing evens.
"It will all be ok."