Whistle over the waves. {BXB} [COMPLETED]

11. Madhav

This is the end.
I fooled myself like the shadow once had. I fooled myself that if I love a good man with an open heart and if I heal a beautiful woman of her ugly demons, that if I read a little more, if I work a little more, write a little more....
Run harder than the shadow then maybe.... Just maybe I can fool myself enough to think that I'll have a normal life.

There are so many men out there who have a loving partner, engage in sex without repercussions, men who love other men without shame and have deep beautiful friendships with women.

That maybe I'll be just another one of those men.
But no, I'll never be.
After all...I'm his special boy. His lovely boy.
The shadow is the only one who can possess me. If I'm to be had then it's him who will.

Aarav and Sakshi are fools.
They see something that simply isn't there.
A person.
Why can't they just leave?
I'm not broken. How can someone be broken when they were not whole to begin with?

I'm sick. I'm not a victim, I'm an accomplice.
I'm a sick man and sick men can only have other sick men.

I can't help Sakshi heal.
I can't give Aarav love.

To give, you must own.
I own nothing. I'm myself owned.

He'll come and take me.
Again.
Again.
Again
And again.
And I won't stop him.
Because I can't. Because in the end, I'm just as bad as him.

The stage is being dismantled, the actors are tired,
The script is in the dust, the curtain is on fire.

The play is over. The act is over.

Nothing is ok. Nothing will be.
I can't act like it is.

I rise from the bed, slowly, there's no moon out in the world. I walk to the bathroom, open the closet there.
Like every hope in my life,
the blade shines but only for a moment.

Before I start,
I remember my man in some other corner of the world,
Sleepless and sad,
I'm sorry Aarav.
I remember my friend, my soul sister in the room across mine,
Sleeping assured that she has brought me to safety.
I'm sorry Sakshi.

I cut then.
A long, unflinching line.
The blood seeps out.
I draw another line.
The colors fade again.

This is the end.