Whistle over the waves. {BXB} [COMPLETED]

46. Sakshi

It is time, I need to tell him.
I need to tell him that we are marrying soon.
I need his blessing.
I'm yet to tell mom, he has to be told first.

These past days have been a spectrum, of pain, of guilt and of hope too.
The wolves have howled and howled and howled but their cries don't torment me as much... it doesn't sting as much. I'm too tired to be bothered. As if the sheer volume of the fact that I'm back with Abhinav, that he intends to make me his bride, has drowned out every other voice in my head.
I'm so close to living my dream. So close to finally beating the odds.

And I do realise how I got here,
I understand my mistake but is it that bad? Is it my guilt to bear that he and Abhinav are not close? Not all brothers love, not all sisters nurture.... does it have to make us forbidden?
Why should our marriage revolve around Madhav's reaction?
Looking clearly, why does it all have to revolve around Madhav?
I'm an adult, Abhinav is too.
Madhav is too.
I know I should have told him.
But I didn't want to.
Is it that bad?

Maybe this is for the best, maybe when all of us are together, it becomes too much. I guess his departure with Aarav will do us good, I can settle without this overwhelming guilt they think I should have. We want to keep it simple, we want to honeymoon somewhere in Greece, we want to be happy, be a success story.

I'm tired of all the tears and the pain and the angst and the frustration and the struggle.
I can see that ever elusive line, begging to be crossed.
And I know I will cross it soon,
I can almost smell the relief, the wolves will all fall asleep soon and they will never wake up. I will marry the man I love and my friend will go away to a better life. It is all coming together, yet there is this small almost nonexistent fear in the pit of my stomach that something will topple everything over and I'll be back in the dirt, begging these damn wolves to shut up...

I try to listen to them closely as I climb the stairs to Madhav's room, their voices have lost their edge, they hum weakly,
You are back here? What will Aarav say? Let him go happily.... He won't miss you.

Ok then. I will be happier, I will be married. It is ok.
It is ok. It is ok.

"Come in..."
He is sitting on the bed, bent over a sketchbook.
"Hey Madhav...."
"Hi Sakshi... come sit...."
"I... I wanted to..."
"You don't have to apologise..."
"Actually I wanted to tell you... we are getting married in 3 months... you are the first person I'm telling...."
He pauses. He looks wounded. I guess he needs to get used to...
"Madhav... I want you to be happy and I want to be happy too... me and Abhinav have reconciled a lot of our differences.... we love..."
"I see it Sakshi. I just... I was overwhelmed."
I nod.
"I never understood what went so horribly wrong between the two of you...."
"Something in the past... he hasn't told you, has he?" he says.
"Do you think he is the kind who dwells on the past? Mr. Ambitious!" I laugh, he doesn't.
"Do you want me to tell you what happened?"
I don't like this, this turn we are taking... Abhinav awaits me at home, we are supposed to go shopping soon, Madhav will now go into some childhood memory, One that holds no value now.... Do I want to hold on to the past?
"No. I would rather wait for him to tell me... one day he will tell me...."
He smiles weakly. He looks drained.
"Are you ill?"
"No just overwhelmed. I didn't even imagine so much would happen in such a short span of time.... our journey got delayed a bit, some work issue at Sentech... we will leave when the month ends... so fast...it all happened so fast... we didn't even get the time to heal.... I mean you..."
"Madhav..."
"When are you taking therapy? Does he know? Did you remember the complete dream?"
"I don't think I need therapy, I need to be with him and I.... I will tell him someday...."
"Sakshi you are being dishonest..." he frowned.
"Madhav please... you are getting your happy ending let me get mine.... you don't even love him..."
"But I love you and that is why I'm trying to stop you..."
"Please Madhav.... I'm forgiving his infidelity.... he can..."
"Ok..."
"Will you come for the wedding?"
"I don't know, I'll have to discuss it with Aarav."
"He controls everything, doesn't he?"
"At least he never cheats on me..."
"Some of us aren't as lucky as you Madhav... I did not come here to fight..."
"Then..."
"I came here because you are starting a new life, you are going away and I don't want us to part on sour terms, after all I'm going to be your sister in law.... Madhav... why did you call me?"
"Because, some of the greatest nights of my life were spent with you, driving around the city, laughing, crying and talking.... I wanted one last night with my best friend before I went..."
"Madhav.... I don't think it would be appropriate at this moment.... Abhinav and I are in the middle of preparations and I don't really think Aarav likes my presence here...."
"Yeah right..." he turns away, his eyes filling. I inch closer to him, his hands feel cold in mine.
"One day, when all of this settles, when we are used to this new life.... I'll come to you... we will go out... we will ride and we will do it all twice as better.... just wait... that one day..."
"One day..." he stares into the distance before looking me straight in the eye, "Promise?"
"Promise." One-day, the words settle in the pit of my stomach.
Yes.
"I should get going, there are some errands.... I'll see you before you go, okay?"
He nods with a slight smile and returns to his sketchbook...

As I exit the room, I'm met by Aarav, his face is blank.
"You resigned?"
"Yes... I did... it didn't make sense to holiday on your expense.... they say journalism is dead anyways..."
"Is that all?"
"Abhinav doesn't want me slogging away in the cubicle..."
"Things are getting serious, I assume?"
"Yeah.... just like you and Madhav..."
He smirks, I know what he will say next, I start moving faster.
"You will regret it Sakshi."
"I'm not Madhav, you don't need to baby me."
He says nothing.
"I wish you nothing but happiness with him." I say, he doesn't say it back. As I leave, he speaks, a malevolent whisper, "He has done it once, he can do it again. Cheaters don't change."
I decide to ignore him.

He can go to hell.
I was all for helping him with Madhav but if he is going to be so petty and intrusive then damn him! If Madhav doesn't mind then why does he?
Even if Madhav does, I don't think I can stop now. I'm too happy, too comfortable in this hope that I'm lending myself.
Abhinav isn't perfect, none of us are.
I'm closer now, more than ever to that dream I had hoped for myself in Shornur all those dusty years ago.

When Abhinav arrives, he looks tired.
"Long day?"
He nodded.
"Can't you take a holiday? I have never seen you off work..."
"I can't... there is too much work..."
"Isn't it your dad's firm?"
"Exactly why..."
"Will it be the same after we..."
"No honey no... after" he says, a smile lights up his dark face. He is towers over me as I look into his eyes they brim with desire, "After we get married we will go on the best honeymoon anyone's ever had..."
"That so?"
He smiled as he pulled me to him, I responded with a kiss, his hands reach my navel and travel down, I moan. My hands undo the zipper as he pins me to the bed.

When we are done, I listen to his heartbeat, my hair flutters and waves across his taut chest. We are bare and warm. I have fallen again, he is after all, the one who will take me across to other side, the life I have dreamt of...
But something pierces through the calm, a niggling little question... I try to silence it but it wins...
"Abhinav...."
"Yes love..."
"I... I..."
"Say it... I sort of know... but say it..." his eyes look tired, dim.
"Will you ever..."
"It was a mistake... it won't happen again... I make mistakes.... but I learn... I won't risk us again... you're my last chance at being a good person I..."
I want to nod, to completely agree but I can't seem to do it.
"And I know we have talked about this... and I am ready... to convince you again and again till you believe... it is only a matter of time... I have already had Naaz draft a full rest period stuff to show dad... I want to give Us the best shot.... I owe it to you."
My eyes fill, this is my rescue.
I'm finally escaping.
He really loves me.

I nod as I snuggle into him. His warmth fills me as his hands envelope my body. I feel like I belong and I know how much I have yearned to feel so.
I have arrived.
I have finally arrived.
"I love you."
"I love you too."