Whistle over the waves. {BXB} [COMPLETED]

15. Aarav

I'm so tired. I haven't slept one bit and outside, dawn has already arrived.
The morning is so beautiful here. I've always loved sunrises, Madhav loves sunsets.

When we came back from New York, he thought it was a bittersweet end, a sunset, I thought it was only a glorious beginning, a sunrise. We are so different. Extremes of a spectrum.

We promised we would soon make time together and went back to our work.
I would call him everyday, text him but he would always be in a hurry. I understood. His, was an enterprise in growth, not established at a peak like ours, so of course he worked harder.
I waited patiently.
Then, after twenty days of not being near him, my patience broke.
I reached his house and found him. He was a mess. Delirious with exhaustion and feverish. I had him hospitalized. Sleep deprivation, dehydration and exhaustion.
His father was nowhere to be seen, only their manager, a middle aged, no-nonsense man called Mr. Dasani. I found that odd but then he wouldn't be the first man to not get along with his father.

I didn't question why he hadn't come to meet me. When he was released, I stayed with him for a week.
It was another glorious time of sex, love and an intimacy beyond anything I had seen before. From waking up to nodding off, we were never apart. It was absolutely amazing.
I would ask him why he had worked himself to illness, he would avoid it by pouring out to me, anecdotes of his childhood, his adventures with his friends. I learned that he did that a lot. Censored anything less than happy in his life. As much as it troubled me, I should be honest in admitting that I was so greedy to be near him that I let the questions slide.

Then, when we went back to our lives, the same thing happened. No call from him, no attempt at having me by his side.

This time, I thought of waiting. A month went by, no sign of him. It killed me inside but I didn't reach out. Something in me was complicating my natural response to missing someone. Something that whispered, He doesn't really want you.

So, for the first time in my life, I resorted to distraction instead of a reunion. I left for a conference in Paris. Imagine my anger when at the table, across me, I found him. Professional and cold, he impressed everyone there. I barely looked at him. Putting my heart on rocks, I left early.

That night, I opened my hotel door to his defeated self in front of me. He was drunk, crying and looked utterly awful. He mumbled the same thing pathetically, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. My heart broke. I love him so much that then right then in that instant all was forgiven. I bathed and dressed him and put him to sleep beside me.

In the morning, I woke up to him sucking me off. I pushed him away and he eyed me with desperation. "Is that the first thing you want to do?" He hung his head in shame, tears pouring out, "I don't know...I don't know how else to make it up to you....I don't want you to leave me.... I want to make you stay." He wiped his tears and started pulling his shirt off.

I stopped him.

"No. Stop. Madhav, if you don't want me to leave you then stop disappearing. I'm sick of having the greatest time of my life for a few days and then you vanish. Then I've to come and find you in pieces. It's too much for me. What is your problem? Is it me? You've me wondering whether you really want this with me. Are you sure you do?" I said with my voice faltering. I will not cry, I told myself.

"No, no, no, it's not you.... It's never been. You're awesome. You're fucking amazing. You're....I want you...... I uh....I want you so much that it hurts..." he sobbed.

"It doesn't have to hurt. If you want me, stay with me. It's that simple."

"It's not simple!" He raised his voice, his eyes were reddening by the second, "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to... I.....its not that simple Aarav....it's not that simple.... I've issues. I've problems....I can't, I mean I'm not all that fun if you stay too long with me, so I'm scared that if you see me as I'm then you won't want to be with me."