Whistle over the waves. {BXB} [COMPLETED]

4. Madhav

Madhav

A shadow.
That's what I call him. Saying his name makes the truth too real.

The shadow,
The man of my stories,
The wind that set my storms into being.
That made Madhav.

The shadow found me first when I was 7,
We were out at play,
We wrestled,
In the mud, he got hard in his shorts,
I asked him why, he said only the 13 year olds know,
But he'll let me see.
We went to the woods, I was curious,
He showed me, and asked me if I wanted to touch it,
I was silent,
He pulled my hand and made me, it was warm,
He asked me if I could suck it,
I said no, it must be Dirty.
But he said it's what big boys and girls do,
And plus,
I would make him happy if I did,
Why wouldn't I make him happy! I loved him.
He was my sole company.
So I did.
It tasted like urine.
But he told me I was a good boy.
I liked that.

It was only the beginning,
The shadow would ask for it again and again and everyday, sometimes I would almost say no but then what if he stopped playing with me,
Talking to me?

No, can't let that happen, no, no way, na,
So on my knees I stayed,
For years,
Then he was 16,
And he said 16 year olds want different stuff,
That my mouth wasn't enough anymore,
So I asked him what would be?
I was so eager to keep him.
He said something only adults do.
But it would hurt.

Not more than him going away.
Whatever it was right!

I loved him. His broad shoulders. His strong chest. His voice. His height. His dark hair and skin and the way he scared all my enemies.

He was my hero.
A little hurt? Why even ask, of course I'll do it.

I couldn't sit for two days.
I didn't walk much.

He stayed with me.
Comforted me.
Told me I was great.
He had the best fun.
I can beat any girl.
I'm the best ever.
He really loves me.
I smiled at him, and thought about how I knew he would soon ask me again. But I had made him happy. That was all there was to see.

Mom didn't notice me. She hardly noticed anything.
Dad was away. He hardly ever was not.
But he did, he brought me hot milk, bitter pills, stinging lotion,
I was his sweet boy.
He kept me cherished.

Then we did it again.
Again
Again
Again
And it became just another part of my day.

By now,
I was his to have.
And he had me.
He sure did.

The shadow would ask me anything and I would give,
Even if it hurt,
Because,
Surely,
It would hurt more to see him go.

Then
He
Left.

And I felt like a fool holding on to a mist rope from a cliff
Falling,
Falling,
Falling,
And I couldn't see the bottom.

He loved me, I loved him, we were always going to be
Together,
And he left.
How? Why?
Then all those times....

I fell,
Fell,
Fell.
And I didn't see the bottom..