Whistle over the waves. {BXB} [COMPLETED]

40. Aarav

Mary of the Mount institute burns down mysteriously after being exposed.
Never has a reporter made me smile before this. A new report will soon be out... senior doctor, Lance Fernandez, found dead inside the burnt institute. The man had to go. He should have done his job, healing, he shouldn't have given in to the temptation... why can't people just fulfill their duties?
Why can't everyone just be like my mother? Efficent. Reliable.
When people don't do their jobs well someone has to clean up after them...
Mom's contact turned out to be better than I expected. It was exactly how I wanted it. Absolute and explicit. Totally worth the high fees despite the fact that the orderly in Madhav's story has been dead for some 2 years now. I would have loved for him to be found on some highway.... spread across as red paste of course.... but there are always imperfections in the grand scheme of things, so I guess I must satisfy myself with the crisp remains of the doctor being pulled out...

The day he told me everything, I couldn't sleep. The pain, the futile, useless suffering my Madhav had endured was beyond anything I had imagined. His life, his path was sullied, stained by the errors of so many...

But not anymore....
The cleansing has begun. I'm fucking tired of watching these termites crawl over the vision I have built with Madhav. There is a life with him, I can see it, somewhere in New York, living a simple life of happiness. None of this mess. None of these bothersome complexities. I am deleting them one at a time. This really is my life, my boy and my love and nothing comes in between. Own it! Own that hunger for equilibrium! Own that agonizing ache for sweet simplicity! Let it burst and bury all that stands between you and what you want.
Even if it costs a life?
Even if it costs many. Is there guilt? None. There is rarely ever any.... it isn't my mistake that some people decided to complicate my way.... after all this was bound to happen.

There exist just 2 thorns now.
His father's absence from his life.
His brother's presence in his life.

And I know just how to solve it. The wheels are already turning in my head. Have I always been like this? Have these patterns always been written inside the grey of my brain? Was I removed from my mother with this itch inside? This terrible, this all consuming hunger to just have it done my way. My way. My way. My way.
2 most beautiful words.
The cleansing has begun, even inside Madhav. The memories will all be replaced soon enough. He will only think of me. Of our simple, happy times together. The pain is on it's way to erasure. He always looks most ethereal when he sleeps like now, all his restless, sparkling aura comes to a rest and reveals the beautiful glimpse of a calm him. His face is so fragile, dew thin glass held with spider silk, eyelashes so long, almost painted on... skin so pale. It is an honour to possess him. To brand my name into his body everyday. Sometimes with my body, sometimes with my mind. With every bit of his submission, I love him some more because that's all I have ever wanted... a love that simply surrenders and doesn't question much, doesn't complicate my plans... just sees my path and follows.
Like Dad follows Mom.
He never says no. He never asks why. He doesn't argue. He truly does love me.... giving him a new life is the least I can do and I will do it. I will craft a new existence for us with my bare hands even if it comes at the cost of life.
Not mine, of course.

He hasn't heard the news. He isn't allowed to use his phone much, he is supposed to immerse himself in his art, in his diary, in the serene winter around us and in me. External disturbances aren't welcome here.
We are leaving our home to go meet my parents... Mom has been insisting on meeting her new son. He will be out in the city, I need to tell him about the institute soon. He cannot find on his own. It will set me back many places in solving this which I definitely cannot afford. His faith needs to be complete for this to work.

As I drive, Madhav stretches in the backseat, he looks tired so I don't make any conversation. We drift into a comfortable silence, thoughts swirl in my head... so much has happened....