just me ranting

my health

     I need to write this for me. I've been struggling with my health for ten years. It started with back problems but I didn't really put much effort into figuring out the cause. From the time I was 12 I had a job for me it was the best job. My neighbor owned a farm and decided to set it up so that children from schools and daycares could come visit and meet the animals. I got to help take care of the animals and that was what I loved I didn't make much money and what I did was spent on candy from the farms gift shop. From that time my work ethic was instilled. I got my first real job as a waitress when I was 16. My people skills aren't that great so that job didn't last long. Apparently when an asshole grabs your ass its rude to miss the cup while pouring his coffee and spilling it in his lap. But since no one could prove whether or not it was an accident that was overlooked until the time I brought a customer a cleaning towel and informed him I wasn't his maid and was not going to clean his seat after he spit on it because he didn't like the food. I ended up not getting scheduled to work again. But had no problem getting a new job as a telemarketer I sucked at it because I hate talking on the phone so I wasn't pushy and never made a commission. My boss felt so bad for me that she paid me to go on a job interview with a fast food place where I got hired and worked for ten years until I got fired but the way it was done I think they weren't sure about it. It didn't take long at all to get the new job. I contributed my back problems to this job because I was working at least 60 hours a week and most of those hours were spent bent over a grill. The first time I was really bothered by the pain I was waiting to hand the shift over to the next mgr who had taken my deposit to the bank because it didn't look like I was going to be able to walk it across the street myself. When she came back and we was swapping info I sneezed and it felt like I had broken every bone in my back at the same time. I had to have help getting to my car and in it. I struggled with the back pain for a while but the Drs couldn't find a reason behind it. I was even sent to the emergency room in an ambulance because during a stressful night being short staffed and overworked when things had calmed down I was trying to make it outside to smoke I could barely hold myself up and my crew was so worried about me because I'm not sure why but they were walking around me with their arms out to catch me if I fell or passed out and one of the regular old men walked out with me after making one of the crew call for an ambulance. I was furious with them all and once I had sat on the curb to smoke I just got the cigarette lit because it took forever to get outside and the ambulance was pulling up. After checking everything the paramedics decided I needed to go to the hospital. Apparently my blood pressure was doing things it shouldn't. I continued working at that job for 3 maybe four years.
       Due to some bad decisions I was jobless for two years and at one point something was wrong with my foot and I couldn't walk on it that lasted about 6 months. When my foot had healed itself I came back to my parents house and I found a job. This would be an easy job cause it was something I was good at I thought. I was wrong after my first day my feet but so bad I could barely function. I figured it was because I hadn't worked in so long I just had to get used to it again. The longer I worked the harder it got it wasn't getting better but I had finally gotten insurance and found a Dr who could see me. Even though my feet and legs hurting was my main problem I still had other issues I was struggling with. My arms would go completely numb for no reason or they would start hurting to the point I couldn't hold everyday items such as the coffee pot which I use everyday my parents being the wonderful people they are claimed it was because I was lazy and didn't use them. Obviously not the reason because it wasn't like I ever stopped lifting the coffee pot. My mind wasn't doing so great either I stopped driving because I would either forget where I was going or get lost trying to leave the  subdivision. And there was that time I was putting the dishes up and I was holding this huge knife carrying it to its place when I forgot I was holding it and let go of it. It barely missed my foot. That has happened a few times where I've just let go of things.I would lose my balance standing still I would just fall over and  honestly I would just feel stupid when people saw.
    When I got to the Dr and the nurse was doing the whole information collection thing and when I told her what all was going on she told me that it was to much and I could only pick the one that bothered me the most. My feet that's what bothered me the most they hurt so badly that I could barely walk they swole up so much that shoes aren't an option for long. How can I work if I can't where shoes or stand up? For 2 yrs until I lost my insurance I visited my Dr weekly because I had to call out of work and needed an excuse. One cold day I had were socks and my slippers the Dr I was seeing was training a student Dr who at first glance decided that my feet hurt because my socks were to small the Dr told her that was wrong and asked me about the size of the socks and how long I was wearing them the size was bigger than my reg size they shouldn't have stayed on without falling down and flopping around but in the half hour I was wearing them my feet had swollen so much you could see the imprint of the design on my skin. I was sent to different specialist who could not find the reason behind my pain. I lost my insurance because I made a whole $10 more than I was allowed so that cost me my insurance which was providing the prescriptions that made it possible to work the few days I could so I was in to much pain to work at all. I ended up leaving that job because even though they tried to give me hours I felt really bad when I would be scheduled to work 30hours a week but would actually only work about 6. I don't know why they didn't fire me because I called out more than I worked I would have fired me.
      After my daughter brought me Cosmo I was forced to move around whether I felt like it or not because I had to take care of the baby puppy who in return turned into something that I needed in my life and became my lap baby as well as being able to predict when I will have bad days. He also became a great excuse the first year I had him I had taken him outside and it was December so my oldest daughter had all her outside decorations up which meant cords all over the porch, which on this day was wet and slightly slippery. I always look down when I walk because I can trip over a painted line so I'm very careful about where and how I step, it also takes very little to disrupt my balance. I was carefully walking back into the house and next thing I know I'm laying on the ground my glasses are broke blood is pouring down my face and I was so shaken up that I couldn't get up. When I made it inside my dad just asked what happened I blamed the dog and my daughters extension cords because that had to be what happened. I still nag my daughter about trying to kill me each Christmas when she pulls out her decorations.
    After five years I might have found the cause of all of these things by seeing a commercial that spoke about my symptoms. I looked it up and then I kinda got really pissed off, because had that nurse let me explain everything going on with me to the Dr I might have gotten an actual diagnosis or ruled out this thing that seems to perfectly portray all the things going on with me. Even though its a list of symptoms that in a way are different and don't seem to go together its also a list of symptoms that are part of a bigger problem and had I known this at the time or even when I switched to a different Dr that had time for their patients I could have told them what I was experiencing and maybe they would have done the extra test or looked into the symptoms and ruled out the scary diagnosis.
     I know that looking up health issues on the internet will basically have you dying and I know that what I read is just an article and in no way an actual diagnosis. I do think though that it is possible that I have this. Some of the risk factors were there as well as being in the right age group and also not every symptom but almost all and it makes sense now on why some days are so much worse than others and some days are even pain free.