just me ranting

abuse

    I know that in the past I've commented when people have brought up the topic of abuse. I've seen where people have attacked an author for writing about an abusive relationship. I think that writing about abuse is a good thing because most people say it wouldn't or couldn't happen to them and if it did they would just leave because to them its that easy. What people don't see is what is happening inside a persons mind so they can't understand why they stay. In the past about ten years ago I was in a mentally abusive relationship aided by the use of drugs and his family. My sister has been in a physically abusive relationship. That is what is on my mind and what I want to talk about. Her story not mine yet I will tell it when I think someone needs to hear it.
    My sisters story started at least 21years ago but I started to think last night and what I concluded I can't say out loud to any of my family but I feel like I have the cover of anonymity here so I can throw this thought out and let it go. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and my mom did the usual dinner for her kids and grandkids. At 7 in the morning I was woken up by my sister non stop talking and talking. Apparently she had gotten here at 4 in the morning planning to clean my parents house jokes on her though cause while I've been visiting I've been cleaning when I could to show my appreciation for them letting me chill here for a few months. Anyways when I woke up enough to look at my sister I could clearly see someone beat the hell out of her. I asked who hit her and she just said "you should see the other guy". Honestly  we kinda knew what happened but we also weren't sure because this new boyfriend seemed like a pretty decent type of guy.
    I found myself thinking about my sister's relationships last night because I was praying for her to get help and out of that relationship and then I prayed for her to seek some kind of help for herself to change the type of men she likes. And once that prayer ended I had a huge epiphany (?) What if she was the problem and not the guys she is with what does she do that drives them all to want to kill her. That sounds really harsh but I will give the back story.
    At the age of 18 she got pregnant and married. After having the baby her husband started to hit her. He was a drunk and one day he was trying to beat her with a baseball bat but a neighbor heard the commotion and the screaming baby he broke the door down saved her and called the cops. She decided not to go back yay for her. My nephew was to young to remember any of this and has met his dad. He's terrified of him but didn't know why until recently.
    Next relationship the guy was an abusive drunk they had a kid together. I would get calls to come get her because he was going to kill her. She didn't want me around because I would start shit cause he thought he could bad mouth her in front of me and then try flirting with me she really thought that I would try to take him from her when the only place I wanted to take him was to jail. Anyways when they finally split up he ended up getting custody of their son because he was one of those people that can make anything they say sound good. My nephew moved in with my mom when he turned 18. Until then he ended up living with his dads brother after he repeatedly ran away from his dad.
   The next boyfriend was the neighborhood meth dealer. Same story I can't remember everything that happened but she got pregnant again and gave the baby up to his parents while agreeing that the kid wouldn't find out who his parents are. My mom meets him in church he doesn't know who she is but that she makes him good breakfast biscuits at her restaurant and that she hugs him and smiles at him all the time.
    After the meth dealer she seemed to be with a good guy I remember he had a dog that went everywhere with him and I could never understand anything he said. I kept wondering how it was possible to carry on a conversation with him. Again at some point he ended up getting violent as well. After some time they split up.
    The next boyfriend was crazy it was in his name he was referred to as Crazy Larry. No one liked him at all no one liked her with him at all. They would show up at my parents house and when my kids saw the truck coming up the driveway they would run off to their room and lock themselves in. Just to avoid speaking to them. My sister would ask where they were and me and mama would laugh and say they're hiding leave them alone. They would come by just to get food most times he would come in to see what was in the fridge and while she would fix their plates he would be back to the truck yelling at me to tell her to hurry up and threatening to leave her. I would ignore him as best I could while smoking my cigarette until I couldn't ignore him and reminded him that this house wasn't McDonald's it took time to fix the food and since they were eating for free she could take a minute and talk to her mom who was the person that bought and fixed the food she at least deserved a thank you. I really hated him I couldn't be nice and tried to follow that whole if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all advice. I failed often with that but I tried cause I didn't want to make things harder on her. This asshole ran her over with his truck. The police showed up she lied about what happened when she got out of the hospital she stayed with us for one night and went back to him the next day. He had a bunch of health problems and would be in the hospital often and she would go and sit with him because if she wasn't there he would walk out the hospital. At one point he was even banned from going to the hospital in our town because he had a horrible personality and no one there wanted to take care of him. After the whole corona virus thing started he ended up in the hospital and they didn't think that they could save him but would try until my sister made a huge deal about being there with him when they wouldn't let her in the hospital. They let her in after telling her that if she came in they couldn't continue trying to save him and would only be able to keep him comfortable as he died. He didn't want to be alone to die so he talked her into going in. He did end up dying she ended up broken hearted and a little crazier. The rest of us felt like it was a good thing for her at least.
    Which brings us to the current boyfriend. It didn't take her long to move on. I guess she's one of those people who has to have someone. We first met him in September she just showed up with him one day. I've told y'all about my dog so I imagine when I say that my dog took an instant dislike to him even tried to bite him it would seem crazy. I know that dogs are a great judge of character and in the past when my girls were young I had a sweet little black lab who was very protective of me and my kids, one of my dads associates came by our house got out of his car started walking towards me and my lab chased him back into is car she was scary. I told my dad about the guy and also that since I've never seen my lab act that way if the man showed up at the house again I will call the police. I imagine they couldn't do much but if something was off with that man like I thought then it wouldn't hurt to do so better safe than sorry. My dog now is psycho a combination of smart and dumb also a baby and an asshole. His opinion on strangers I'm only taking with a grain of salt because he's scared of everyone. I did say something about his behavior to my mom because it was aggressive and out of character for him. On another visit of the two the guy stepped out to smoke but my dog wouldn't let him back in. I found that absolutely hilarious cause I know that my dog is more scared of people than they could possibly be of him. The guy has came by with my sister a couple of times and each time my dog has shown him that he wasn't liked. My dog would sit on my lap or at my feet and every time the guy would pass by or speak to me my dog would growl and bark at him. The guy told me that he could see that even though my dog was scared he would protect me no matter what. That was the last time my sister brought him to the house. Me and my mother had talked about him a few times and we both thought he seemed like a decent person and we could see that my sister was happy. Until she shows up at four in the morning Thanksgiving day with black eyes and the whole side of her face bruised. My oldest nephew is making plans to show him how his mother felt.  She stopped him from going there and starting a fight because she loves him blah,blah,blah.
       Maybe you can see where I'm coming from with my thought process because I really want to understand what is happening with her but at the same time what are the odds that every relationship she has been in from the time that she was 18 she is now 39 has been with an abusive man. I know that we are all drawn to a type and hers is drunk or drug addict and abusive apparently. Is it really possible that she has been able to find a new abusive boyfriend each new relationship???? That is when I had the bad thought  its her it has to be....... So now I've convinced myself that she somehow does something that turned all these guys into abusers I mean obviously the capability of it was there within them but she done or said something that unlocked it and opened up that Pandora's box of psycho in each of them. I know that sounds harsh but honestly if I spent more time with her than I do I would kill her myself.