Secretly Loving My Best Friend (BOOK 1 & 2 Editing)

Chapter 19 - Confused

"You can't marry me? Is this about your career, Love? You know I can wait. I'm not rushing you to marry me. I'm just proposing that I will wait until you are ready. I can wait, just please...." She cut me.

"Marcus, I'm sorry, but I think we need to break up...." She said to me while looking straight in my eye; her expression changed. She now looks emotionless, like what she just said is nothing.

We need to break up!

We need to break up!

We need to break up!

Her words keep repeating in my mind like a broken cassette tape. I don't understand her! Why?

"What? Why Love? Break up? Just because I proposed to you. Is what I did hurtful and unacceptable that you will break up with me? Is that it? Okay, let's just forget about it! Just pretend that we just had dinner tonight. I promised I wouldn't bring this up ever again. I will wait until you are finally ready! But please, Love, don't break up with me. I can't live without you! I will never want to break up with you! Never! Please love! Don't break up with me. Please stay! Stay with me!" I tried to hold her hand, but she removed it again. I pleaded with her.

I'm so confused right now. I tried to read Allyssa's thoughts, but no! She is just looking at me. No hurt, not a smile, no tears. Nothing! She is just empty. I really can't understand anything right now! I'm trying to ignore my feelings and just focus on begging Allyssa to stay! I don't care about my feelings; I just need her! I can bear to accept anything. I can wait for her forever and about my dream just for her. Just not this! Never this that I have to break up with the woman I love the most.

"No! Marcus! I made up my mind. I think we need to break up! Yes! You told me you could wait, but I know you, Marcus. I know how much this means to you. To have a wife and children on your own. It's your dream, Mew! It will always be! We can't keep going in this relationship with you waiting for me when I know I can't give you what you want for long! I have plans! Long-term plans and this is not included in that! I can't continue with this! I need to fix things and do something first!" She said to me! I tried to hold her, but she kept on pushing me away.

"No, Love! I promise I can wait! I can wait for you to be ready! No! I can forget about my dream. What's important is that you are with me, and I'm with you. You need to do what exactly? Fix what? Please, love, I really can't understand anything."

"No, Mew! My decision is final. We need a break from each other from now on. I can't continue with you anymore. I'm so sorry, Marcus! I'm so sorry~ Please forgive me, but I had to do this!" She turned her back on me.

"Please, love! Please don't give up on us! Please don't break up with me! I can't continue to live without you! I can't! Please love! Please!" I'm crying while I continue to beg her. I feel so hopeless and so hurt!

"I'm so sorry, Mew, I am sorry!" There she is, hailing a cab and just taking off away from me.

I tried to go after her, but she was already gone. The cab continues to drive away while I keep on running.

"Allyssa! Allyssa! Please no! Stop! Please stop!" Suddenly my legs give up on me because of so much running! I broke down while crying on the side of the road. I don't care if many people see me! I'm hurt! I'm so fucking hurt!

Why? What is happening? How could she just break up without giving me a valid reason? Did I do something wrong? Are my love and effort not enough? I don't understand anything!

"Sir, are you okay?" Someone approached me, which made me snap out from crying! I need to do something! I can't let things go this way! I can't lose her! I immediately ran back to my car and drove.

I drove myself to Allyssa's studio, but she was nowhere to find it when I arrived. I tried to ask her manager, but she just told me she had already quit moments ago. Quit? Why? What the hell is happening? Isn't this her dream? So why quit? I tried to call her best friend.

Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring!

"Hello, Marcus?" Her best friend answers.

"Hello, Annika! Do you know where Allyssa is right now? I can't get a hold of her. Her phone just keeps on going to voicemail. I searched for her at her studio, but her manager said she had quit. Why? Why did she suddenly quit? Is there something going on that I don't know? Please tell me!"

"I'm so sorry, Mew." Why is she saying sorry? Did she know something?

"Why are you saying sorry."

"I'm sorry, Marcus, but she was gone! Allyssa is gone!" She told me, and then I could hear her sobbing.

"Gone? What do you mean gone? Please, Annika, tell me because I'm about to lose my mind now! Please help me because I need to see her! I need to talk to her!" I pleaded with her.

"I'm sorry, Marcus, you will never find her again. She's gone! I'm so sorry, but I think you need to forget about her. She is gone, Marcus!"

"Why? Forget about her? Are you serious? No! I can't. Please just tell me where she is."

"I'm so sorry, Marcus! I'm so sorry~" then she hangs up.

What is happening? I don't understand! I tried going to Annika's house, but she did not face me. She keeps telling me I need to move on by using her maid. The hell with moving on. How can I move on? I'm confused right now! I didn't go home for the whole night. I tried going everywhere I could find Allyssa. I know I'm a mess, but I must find her first. But no luck for me!

I continue to look for Allyssa! Like a madman, I go everywhere and ask anyone who might know where she is. I didn't until I received a message from Allyssa.

"Love, if you're reading this. I'm finally gone. I'm sorry; Love. I'm so sorry. I can't explain everything right now, but please remember this. I do love you! I still love you. I will always love you, but I need to fix myself first. I need to fix everything first. Please move on from me. Love again! Forget about me. I'm not worthy of your love. I'm nothing compared to you, so please find someone who can love you more than me. Please find someone who will always be there for you, unlike me. Who will treat you well? Who chooses you above else cause? I know I can't do that, especially now. Please, love, forgives me. I know you will try to find me but please don't bother to do that. I have already changed everything about myself. You will never see me again. I know it will be hard for both of us, but I will do my best to continue living and fix myself. Please do too. I'm so sorry, love. I am. I hope you all the best. It may be the last time I say this to you, but I love you so much. I do! I will always love you. I love you, and goodbye."

Reading her text made me more confused about what was happening. Change her everything? For what? I was about to go and continue to look for Allyssa, but my body didn't seem to coordinate with me. I collapsed on the spot due to exhaustion after reading her text.

The following day, I found myself in the hospital again. As I opened my phone, hoping that all of this was not true. Scanning my phone made my hopes shattered into millions of pieces seeing Allyssa's message from last night.

It's true! Everything that happened is true! Allyssa is gone!

~~~

I didn't stay long and hurriedly left the hospital despite not knowing where to go! I feel so lost right now! I don't know what I am going to do next!

Suddenly I heard my phone beep, and when I checked the notification. It says "Vacation time." I remembered that Allyssa and I should be on vacation right now if things go according to plan.

What am I going to do now? I'm alone! Everything is useless now! I'm useless!

I decided to go to the resort just to get away from everything. I feel like my life is now meaningless. I felt like a corpse with no purpose! How can I continue to live if you're gone? Why Allyssa? Please come back to me!

Please! I'm begging you!

To be continued

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