That Day // Villain Deku

Chapter 31 : Why?

Shoto Todoroki's P.O.V

I woke up with a headache.

    I was so happy. As soon as I felt the headache, I knew that I was alive again. For the past three weeks, I've been dead. Not literally dead, but mentally dead. My brain wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't do anything. I could see through my eyes, but I couldn't do anything. I could see myself talking, but I couldn't actually speak.

    I was able to think, but no matter what I thought, or wanted, I wasn't able to put any of my thoughts to action.

It was like I was living my life on autopilot.

    They wanted to break me. They wanted me to do something so horrific, that even if I did want to double-cross them, I'd take myself down with them. They wanted me to do something so terrible, that even if I escaped them, I'd have to live with that terrible action.

The horrific act of brutally murdering someone in cold blood.

    I watched myself dig a knife into a man's chest, and I couldn't do anything to stop myself. I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream, I couldn't even say sorry. I was stuck watching as those memories set in my mind.

    As I ended that man's life, I couldn't help but think about how I got here. How I ended up like this. How this happened.

This all happened because of what I did to Izuku.

    None of this would have happened if I had just been there for Izuku. If I had just stood up for him when Bakugou had told him to jump. If, instead of laughing, I had said 'That's not funny', or if I had even just asked Izuku if he was ok.

Maybe if I had, then All Might wouldn't have died.

My classmates wouldn't have died.

My friends wouldn't be so distraught and broken.

This is all my fault.

    Finally pulling myself out of my thoughts, I stood to my feet. Upon placing both my feet on the ground of the newly-instituted dorms, I fell over. My legs felt like jelly.

    Over the past three weeks, I haven't actually stood up. At least, I didn't stand myself, my body was on autopilot, and I felt nothing but emotions. I couldn't feel pain, nor could I feel the embrace of my father's arms as I had arrived home from the League's base. I couldn't feel the frequent beatings Izuku had subjected me to, nor could I feel the air in my lungs whenever I took in a breath of fresh air.

    I stood up slowly—still feeling like jelly—and steadily walked to the dorm-shower-room with my stuff.

Why couldn't the school provide us with individual bathrooms?

    I walked into the room and was immediately met with a dull sight. Kirishima saw me enter the bathroom but didn't look me in the eyes. I knew why, I can't say I blame him, though.

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Flashback

"Mr. Aizawa? That day... When... Uhm... When All Might fought the villains and that kid... All Might's son, I think... He said he'd be after Izumi next... What was that about?"

    I could tell it was a hard question to ask. All Might had just died, and nobody knew what to say. It was also hard after what Izuku said. He decapitated and dismembered the Symbol Of Peace on live television for the whole world to see, and then he said all of those things about him.