Kapit Bitaw

Chapter 16

Halfway through the drive, I noticed that our hands were still intertwined to each other.

Nagtagal ang tingin ko doon. A feeling inside me surged out of nowhere. My eyes bore holes to those to hands. Nakalapat ang mga ito sa itaas ng hita ko. Natauhan siya. Agad siyang pumiglas sa kapit naming dalawa at napatikhim. "Sorry."

The car was moving fast. Dama ko iyon dahil bukas ang bintana. As I leaned to my side further and further, I could feel my hair being blown by the wind. I hated my hair. Lagi akong nakakakuha ng puri mula sa iba dahil sa buhok ko. The jet black hair contrasted with my white, lifeless skin.

This was one of the many times I wanted to cut it.

I still couldn't get myself to do it.

I finally calmed myself after 20 minutes. The tears finally stopped falling down from my black eyes. Julian gave me a cover up from the back seat kanina. It was chilly. Kaya nga 'di na binukas ang aircon 'e.

"Ba't... 'di mo ko tinatanong kung tutol ako sa mangyayari?"

I could see that he was taken aback with my question. But I didn't falter. 'Di ako umatras ngayon. My mind was working in different ways now that I have survived two mental breakdowns today. Iniisip ko nga na baka balat sibuyas nga lang ako 'e. Maybe when others are given this opportunity, they will consider it a blessing. They would not cry and back down without a fight.

"Kasi alam ko na ang sagot."

His answer shut me up. He has a point. I indirectly asked him to stop the engagement when I was with Ray. I didn't answer back. Dahil sa bilis ng sasakyan, mabils din na dumaraan ang mga poste sa labas. I started counting them. One... two.... three...

My astigmatism was high as far as I know. Kaya ang itsura sa akin ng ilaw galing sa poste at sa mga traffic light ay tila humahaba. I squinted my eyes once again in attempt to refocus my vision. My vision is blurry. As years pass by mas tumataas ng tumataas ang grado ko. I needed my glasses more than ever.

A song started.

And another.

And another.

The drive was long, I was starting to wonder on where we were going.

The car stopped on a familiar street. The road was as wide as ever and as usual. Ang madilaw na ilaw mula sa kaisa-isang tindahan ay ang tanging nagpapailaw sa lugar na ito. I just noticed that there was a sign over on the right side of the low overlooking. Kaakitan Village was written in white paint as it contrasted the green background.

I smiled. The wind grew stronger and stronger. I pulled the cover up Julian gave me closer to my skin. It was cold. High tide na siguro. The waves were furiously battling the rocks. Nakakatakot din ang dagat. The unknown part, the deep part of the sea frightened me.

I heard Julian close the door of his car. Nagsimula akong maglakad papunta sa bench na inupuan namin dati. I raced my hands on the side of the cold bench. "Ang ganda talaga dito 'no."

We sat down on our respective sides. I could feel him looking at me for a long time before answering yes. I inhaled deeply, and exhaled. "Minsan... minsan sobrang bigat na ng load para sa akin. Iyong pinapadala ng magulang ko, 'di ko kaya 'e."