some haikyuu! one shots i guess

winning and losing

then he began to hear it. at first it was just quiet, short gasps, until it became clearer, and kageyama realized it was hinata sobbing. he felt hinata's hands grabbing his shirt, wrapping the fabric tightly in his hands as he cried, and just listening to it seemed to shatter kageyama's heart.

he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but before long, tears stung his eyes and kageyama had to succumb, resting his chin on top of hinata's fluffy orange hair. it was difficult to keep quiet, so both boys were now crying openly, holding each other, the image of the ball dropping on their side of the court burned into their memory, stinging their heart every time they thought of it, or of shiratorizawa heading on to nationals instead of them, or of yachi and coach ukai and takeda sensei comforting them, telling them they played well, or of having to shake hands with the players they'd given their all against - which still wasn't enough.

"i'm s-sorry," hinata choked out. "i'm sorry."

"don't apologize," said kageyama immediately, stroking hinata's hair and clearing his throat so that it wouldn't sound like he'd been crying, even though he was sure hinata felt the tear drops on his hair. "it wasn't your fault. we all could've done better."

as soon as it was out, kageyama wished he hadn't said it, for it only made hinata cry harder, and kageyama pulled him close, doing the only thing he really knew how.

"k-kageyama..." said hinata, sniffing as he calmed down a bit. "can i tell you something i haven't ever told anyone?"

kageyama suddenly felt uncomfortable, but he said, "yes", anyways.

"i'm really scared of disappointing people," hinata admitted, his voice slightly watery. "of not meeting their expectations. but the person i'm most scared of disappointing is you."

whatever kageyama had been expecting, it had not been that.

"m-me?" he asked, dumbfounded. "why?"

"i care what you think of me, kageyama. more than, like, anyone else," hinata explained, making kageyama's heart pound in his chest. "and i know you have high expectations for me. so when i disappoint you... it feels really bad."

"hinata... you could never disappoint me," said kageyama quietly, glad hinata couldn't see how pink his face was right now. "unless you really didn't try your best. which i know you always do."

"but sometimes... it feels like... even my best isn't enough..." hinata's voice got all soft again, in that way that made kageyama want to cry all over again. "my best is still not as good as you. so i wonder sometimes... if i can fulfill that promise we made... i don't know if you remember..."

kageyama couldn't help but grab hinata's head and squeeze it.

"ow!"

"of course i remember, dumbass, and you're just talking out of your ass now!"

"what?" said hinata, sounding slightly angry but still not moving his head up.

"you're just sad that we lost so you're being all depressing now, but of course you're as good as me, and of course you're going to be able to fulfill that promise!" kageyama barked at him.

hinata was silent for a moment, and kageyama was sure that tears had filled his shining brown eyes.

"sorry," he said again, thick with emotion.

"i told you -"

"not for that," hinata cut in, sniffing. "sorry i'm... ruining your shirt right now..."

"be even less sorry for that," kageyama grumbled, resting his chin on hinata's head again and half hoping hinata didn't hear that.

he did. and he laughed softly, too, a sound that filled kageyama's stomach with butterflies. he wondered for a moment if hinata could feel how rapidly his heart was beating right now.

"why are you laughing?" kageyama demanded.

"nothing," said hinata, the smile audible in his voice. "you're probably right, kageyama - i'm a bit messed up after losing that game, so i'm kind of talking out of my ass right now, but i really like playing volleyball with you. i like volleyball in general, but especially when it's with you. you make it a lot better than it already is. and... i'm sad we lost, but i'm glad we're here together right now."

shit. what was he supposed to say to that?

"oh," was all that left kageyama's mouth, even though then was the perfect time to take things further and confess his feelings. kageyama always found himself speechless in front of hinata.

"is - is that okay?" asked hinata, suddenly sounding nervous. "is it okay that i said that? and... that i feel it?"

"yeah," said kageyama hastily, "it's... i-i'm the same... with you."

"oh," said hinata, in the same tone as kageyama. then kageyama heard him smile as he said, "that's good."

there still may have been time for kageyama to confess then, a golden time, really, when they were in this moment kageyama was sure they'd never get again, but for some reason, those words just wouldn't leave his mouth.

"maybe we really should get home now," said hinata quietly after a few moments.

"mmm," said kageyama softly. he couldn't help smiling as he ran his fingers through hinata's hair and said, "how about we just wait here a little longer?"

it wasn't a confession, really, but for now, it felt good to just be sitting there in the grass, wrapping hinata in his arms and breathing in his scent. after all, that was all kageyama ever really wanted.