Fading

~T h i r t y - o n e~

TW for a severe anxiety/panic attack.

Amara POV
I pulled at my hair, pacing around the room. My new room. Why do they care so much? What do they get from keeping me here?

My new life. My new room. My new guardians. Why? Why do they care? No one is supposed to care! I pulled harder, pacing faster.

Why? Why! What is the point? I'm worthless! Why?

I had done nothing for them to take me in. I didn't want them to take me in! I was fine on my own! I don't need anyone else! I can't trust anyone else but myself!

Why? Why!

Tears were streaming down my face and I was breathing hard, but couldn't get a full breath in. Why couldn't I breathe? Breathe you stupid idiot!

Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I just have a normal life, with normal parents and a normal childhood? Why does everything happen to me?

Others have it so much worse than me, why am I complaining? I'm fine, I have a great life. At least I'm not being tortured or raped. It could be so much worse. Why do I deserve better?

I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't realize my door had opened.

My body burned so bad and my head was pounding. I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe? What was I doing here? Why was I trying to get better? I don't deserve to be better!

I deserve every ounce of pain that I give to myself. I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve help. I don't deserve to breathe. I don't deserve to-

I turned back to pace but before I could take another step, I was pulled into someone's arms and held tightly. Their arms restricted any of my movement and I was completely trapped, helpless. My back was pressed to their chest and their arms were caging mine to my front. My hands were grabbed and put into and 'X' and covered by their own. No no no no no no this can't be happening. They can't do this! They'll put me into a crazy facility! I'm not crazy!

He held me tight, putting pressure on my chest as I thrashed, trying my hardest to get out of his iron-clad grip.

"Shhhhh it's okay, breathe, you're okay, you're safe here. We won't hurt you but we can't let you hurt yourself" A voice I recognized as Hayden's reassured. But they will hurt me. They always do.

We rocked back and forth slowly as the crying I didn't realize I was doing slowed. My breathing was still harsh and in fragments. I continued to fight and thrash, but my attempts were futile. He was too strong, and his grip was so tight I couldn't think of anything else. My mind quieted, the thoughts that were so loud once died down to a murmur, indecipherable.

"Focus on your breathing Amara, you are having a panic attack. You need to slow your breathing or you are going to make it worse" he instructed gently, whispering reassurances in my ear.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't. I couldn't. It wasn't working.

"I-I-I" I tried, my voice failing me.

"Shh, it's okay, you don't need to say anything, just try to relax your mind and heart. Think about how you're safe with me, with us. Think about how much we love you. You'll be alright in a little bit."

We stood there, him holding me for what seemed like an eternity before my body stopped fighting and slumped into his hold.

"There you go, good girl. Just relax sweetheart" he comforted, squeezing me gently.

Normally peoples touch completely unnerved me, but this time, it was kind of nice to be held, whether it was by force or not.

My breathing slowed and my body relaxed under Hayden's soft hum. Maybe I'll be okay here.
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Greyson POV
Her giggle was a light to my little world and I never wanted the darkness again.

Her little feet had raced to the swings the moment the car door had opened. It was like she was a five year old again and it was refreshing not to see her so nervous or scared.

Her sudden change of behavior in the morning at breakfast had worried all of us, but when she didn't come down after ten minutes, we got scared something was wrong.

Hayden found her in the middle of a panic attack pacing around her room. I know the event weighed heavily on both of their shoulders and I know they were worried she wasn't happy with us. But no matter how much I stressed about her health, her smile managed to erase all of my worry.

Despite her red, swollen eyes, she was still the most beautiful Angel I have ever seen. Her smile radiated her personality and it glowed like a star in the sky.

A chuckle from Hayden snapped me out of my trance as I looked up to see what he was laughing about.

He was watching as our Angel motioned us over to the swings with her. I guess we were going swinging too.

As we neared, she stopped her swinging, asking, "Push me please!"

We all cooed at how adorable she was which caused a blush on her beautiful face.

We all took turns pushing her on the swings and suddenly every other problem felt nonexistent. It finally felt as if we were a family.

I know the brothers were enjoying this moment since they didn't get to when she was little. They missed these little moments with her and I know they are upset about it, but it seemed like she was also determined to make new childhood memories. And we were completely okay with helping her do that.

I thought that ending was so adorable!! It was also one of my favorite chapters to write.

Side note: I tried my best to portray an accurate panic attack. I was going off of what I have experienced and what I have seen other people experience. All panic and anxiety attacks are different, so don't think this is exactly what happens during a panic attack. If you think you may have a panic or anxiety disorder, please talk to someone and get properly diagnosed.

With that being said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Love y'all❤️❤️