Trials and Tribulations [Chaelisa]

Chapter 11

Chaeyoung sat in her car, her hands clasping the steering wheel tightly, her head resting on top of them, her eyes closed. She inhaled deeply in an attempt to clear her head. What the hell had she been thinking? She thought to herself, banging her head against the steering wheel gently. For the life of her Chaeyoung couldn't understand what had possessed her to do something so stupid. There was a reason that she'd been keeping her feelings a secret from Lisa, a very valid reason. It wasn't because she was scared of Lisa's rejection, although, she'd admit that had played on her mind in the numerous debates she'd had with herself about opening up to the girl that consumed her every waking thought.

No, her silence was actually due to much less selfish reasons. Lisa was vulnerable; she was dealing with a lot of stress already, with her health, with school and Chaeyoung didn't want to add to that any further. Chaeyoung had been happy being Lisa's friend, more than happy in fact. Spending time with Lisa was better than nothing and her happiness meant more to Chaeyoung than her own ever would. Chaeyoung had kept her feelings quiet because deep down she knew that Lisa needed her more as a friend then she needed Lisa as a girlfriend. Now everything was ruined and there was a very distinct possibility that she'd lose Lisa completely, all because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Chaeyoung banged her head against the steering wheel again, her right hand mirroring it and striking the object in frustration. Shit. She thought. Shit. Shit. Shit. She inhaled deeply once again, letting the breath escape slowly from her mouth, trying to rid herself of the terrified dread which seemed to have consumed her whole body. Chaeyoung tried to recollect what she'd been thinking when she'd confessed all to Lisa but the truth is she hadn't been. In that moment it had just felt right and she couldn't help herself from finally speaking the words she'd longed to say since the first day that they'd met.

For once, Chaeyoung had taken her own advice and she'd let her heart govern her emotions. She'd stopped overthinking everything; shut her brain and its maddening logic out of conscious thought and done what Lisa had suggested, she'd taken a risk, she'd lived. The only problem was that living was painful. It fucking hurt. As soon as something was out there, as soon as you'd voiced those words and someone had heard them, you could never take them back. Lisa had told her that life was too short and Chaeyoung agreed with that sentiment wholeheartedly, it had, in fact been a huge driving force behind her confession.

The thought of losing Lisa, that any more harm should come to her than already had, scared Chaeyoung. The thought of Lisa never knowing what she'd meant to Chaeyoung terrified her more than anything, especially because her confidence and selfesteem were already so low. So she'd thought, "What the hell? What's the worst that could happen?" Had she thought about it a little bit more, perhaps she would have listened to that infuriating rationality which she often prided herself on and kept her mouth firmly closed. Instead, she now found herself sitting alone in her car, the deathly silence that had followed her confession ringing tauntingly in her ears.

Chaeyoung lifted her head off the steering wheel and ran a hand through her hair, resolving to get as far away from Lisa's house as possible so that she could clear her head and think. She quickly found her car keys in her lap, pushed them into the ignition and turned them, the engine and car burning into life around her. Chaeyoung put the car in drive, checked her rear view mirror momentarily and indicated to pull out from her parking spot, her foot finding the accelerator and moving the vehicle forward and away from the curb.

Chaeyoung was just picking up speed when she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and the next thing she knew something had thrown itself in front of her car. She slammed on the brakes, the car coming to a sudden, screeching stop just centimetres from the person in front of it who had hit the hood firmly with both hands in an attempt to protect themselves from impact. Chaeyoung's mouth dropped slightly in surprise as she finally realised that it was Lisa who was stood watching her from the other side of the windscreen and she flew out of the car, her concern for the other girl manifesting as anger.