Enchanted N.H

Chapter 33

It has been a few weeks since Niall drunkenly confessed that he wants to marry me.
Things have been weird between us, I have subco distanced myself from him and it breaks my heart.
I realised that I turn my head away from him when he kisses my cheek in the morning and I don't take any chance I have to run my fingers through his soft hair anymore.
His condession scared me, what if he is going to propose to me? what do I do?
I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this so I keep my thoughts to myself and just watch as we drift apart, little by little, day by day.
The house feels so much quieter without us laughing constantly or having cooking sessions in the kitchen, music blasting loudly from the speakers.
I spend more hours at work than I have to, I help the night staff to make dinner and when I get home, almost every night I hope that Niall is either still recording or out, busy doing something else.
It hurts me deeply, I still love him so much and sometimes all I want to do is crash my lips on his and forget all of my fears about the future.
But there is just something holding me back, I feel like in the long run he would be better off with someone else, someone that is also part of the spotlight.
"Babe are you okay?", Niall suddenly steps into the living room, where I am curled up on the couch.
I jump a little at his voice and I am embarrassed by the thoughts I had, luckily he can't read my mind.
"I am fine Niall, why wouldn't I be", I fake a smile and blink away some tears that tried to escape my eyes earlier.
Why wouldn't I be? I am selfish for being scared, selfish and ignorant. Niall is amazing, a gentleman and he makes me laugh when I feel bad and I still doubt if I want to stay with him forever.
Thousands of girls would marry him without even wasting a second to think about it and I am going crazy at the thought of it, he hasn't even proposed yet.
"You seem distant", he says drily and sits on the couch, close enough to lightly brush my right foot with his thigh.
"I am sorry", I apologise, not just for the fact that I have been avoiding him but for the thoughts that keep me up at night, for doubting him and our relationship.
"It's me right? I did something wrong, I am sure, was it something I said?", he looks panicked and I can't help myself, I scoot closer to him and wrap my arms around him.
My voice is muffled by the soft fabric of his thin sweater, the summer heat is finally gone and it's time for comfortable sweaters and fluffy socks "You didn't do anything wrong".
Technically this isn't a lie. He didn't do anything wrong, it's my head that is spinning and turning the words around.
"But why are you keeping your distance?", he asks and I know he is hurt.
My heart breaks when I look up into his eyes and I see the sadness that I caused.
"I don't know Niall, I am scared, I love you so much that I can't possibly imagine my life without you but what if we break up and this comes all crashing down?", I begin and once I start talking the words are mindlessly flowing out of my mouth.
"What if you decide, that you would rather date a hot supermodel, a talented singer or a cool actress?, what if one day you will get sick of me and we end up breaking up?", the last part isn't louder than a whisper but he heard it, he heard all of it.
"Why do you think all these what ifs would come true? have I made you feel like I don't want you anymore?", he sighs and I shake my head.
I made it worse, he is still blaming himself.
"No Niall you are perfect, maybe too perfect I don't get why you would want to be with me", I huff sadly and he pulls me closer.
"In my eyes you are the most gorgeous, funniest and kindest girl, I would be stupid to take any less".
He places his lips on mine and I melt into them I missed this, kissing him without having to think about how scary the future might be, kissing him and letting him feel how much he means to me and how much I love him.
"Please don't keep your thoughts to yourself babe, I love you and I will tell you this every single day", he gently pushes me off his lap and takes my hand, pulling me up with him.
"I missed making dinner with you", he admits and I chuckle while following him into the kitchen.
"I can see a future with you, us two cooking a meal for our kids and you are going to be the caring mother while I am the cool Dad", he chuckles but stops when he looks at my face.
Tears are brimming in my eyes, he can imagine us with children, our children.
"Our babies", I breathe before letting a single tear fall.
"You will be such a great Dad", I tell him and touch his cheek, he leans into my touch and smiles.
"One day I will marry you and we will move away, maybe to Ireland or Germany and we will watch our children running around in the big backyard", he speaks and locks eyes with me.
This time I am not shocked when he speaks of marriage, when he mentions our possible future.
I can picture myself with him, with Niall forever.
His blue eyes are light blue today and I hope that our kids will have his eyes and his incredible talent.
Not just singing and playing the guitar but his talent to make people smile and happy.
"You don't know how much I love you Niall Horan", I breathe against his lips.