The List

chapter 36

Eros and I approached a huddled Ryder swaddled in every blanket that was in the house as he sat in the dark with the TV softly playing Lilo & Stitch with our homemade cake, the candles lighting the dark room.

Ryder's eyes lit up as he saw the cake, a smile slowly growing as his eyes lifted to Eros and me which by first glance, seemed like we were doing okay. We weren't, but for the sake of Ryder, I would pretend I had already apologized to Eros and he to I.

"Happy birthday Ryder!" Eros exclaimed as we came to stoop in front of Ryder, his face awash with the soft orange light of the candles, the eighteen candles that would welcome into his budding adulthood.

He smiled at us, "Thanks," he responded sheepishly, pushing back the curly hair that had fallen forwards on his face, peering curiously at the messily frosted cake and the Happy 18th Birthday Ryder sloppily iced on the top in baby blue icing.

We sang the birthday song for him, Eros and I competing in how badly we could sound, exchanging looks of incredulity because we honestly sounded—awful. But that didn't matter, nothing really mattered besides the young man that sat before us, as we played our parts as best friends, being there for him when he was hurting.

Ryder blew out the candles at the end of our song, plummeting us into darkness, sans the glow of the television that cast a low light upon the three of us.

"Did you make a wish?" I asked.

Ryder took the cake from Eros and I's hands, placing it in the space between the three of us.

"No," he said, and then looking between the two of us, he spoke again. "Despite how messy and weird my life is, I have you two, and even though you guys are only here for the sake of me, it means a lot. I don't need anything— I don't need anyone else when I have you two by my side."

A smile was growing on my face as I leant forward to kiss Ryder's cheek. "Oh Harry," I cooed. "Who knew you could be so sentimental!"

"Ha-ha," Ryder said dryly as I pulled away from him. "Harry Potter was quite sentimental near the end if you ask me, you know, all that nonsense of doing what was right rather than what was easy..." At this, he looked between Eros and I with a pointed glare.

My cheeks flushed. Using our favorite series into an attempt to force Eros and I to reconcile was cruel, but I would forgo it for the sake of it being Ryder's birthday. Besides, he was right.

I had to do what was right, rather than what was easy.

On my left, I felt Eros tense for a moment as Ryder spoke and then relax as quiet filled the air, cutting into the cake with a knife he brought, laying out three slices for us. He handed us each our slices of cake and stood, leaving us to sit on the couch that was set a few feet away from us, watching the movie.

Ryder and I followed suit, finding our respective spots on either side of him, as we ended the night together, as the golden trio, watching Lilo and Stitch, and eating a homemade cake for our best friend's birthday.

✦

It was pouring, but I didn't mind, the rain made me feel grounded to the earth somehow. I could hear Ryder's chastise that he would've given me if he saw what I was doing right now. I hoped he was okay, I hoped one day we would find our way back to being normal.

Staring hard at the raging ocean, I lifted my phone to my ear, letting it ring, hoping and praying that he'd pick up.

"Alice?" He sounded confused, and it was that confusion that made me question this decision. Why was I doing this? "You're calling me from the other room? What's wrong?"