The List

chapter 17

 "Do you think I'm getting fat?"

Claire pulled at non-existent skin from her torso, switching angles to investigate closer.

"Claire if you're getting fat, I'm a fucking elephant," Luna snapped, not even looking up from her magazine.

This is how I got here, sitting awkwardly on Claire's bed, Luna sitting on her couch and Claire scrutinizing herself in the mirror: they had told me they wanted to hang out after school, and I presumed it was for studying. So that Monday, I told Ryder I couldn't hang out and asked if he could give my sister a ride.

He agreed, excitedly.

I had rolled my eyes at his eagerness, he'd never stop being a player, even if my sister would never be interested in him.

"What do you think Alice?" Claire turned to me, her boobs spilling out of her bra as she stood in front of me in her undergarments.

I frowned. "Honestly Claire, you're skinnier than both Luna and I, you have no fat to shed!"

She turned back to the mirror and looked down at her body, pinching the skin on her sides, and cocked her head at it. "I have too much fat on my sides and my thighs are getting bigger by the minute, and my arms are so flabby!" She complained, a real frown creasing her lips.

"Claire!" I exclaimed. "Your arms help you carry the weight of the world, your legs take you places and your sides are where your boyfriends rest their hands so they can kiss you. All of you is perfect, and you should love every part of it."

She turned to me, the frown gone. "I knew you'd be a great friend," she stooped down and embraced me in a tight hug.

Awkwardly, I wrapped my arms around her, in just as tightly of a manner.

Ryder was touchy with me, yes, that was a given, hell, I was even used to the contact from Eros, and Angelica and I were basically conjoined at the hip, and for all three of them, I was fairly comfortable with them.

But Claire was a girl I'd never, in my wildest dreams I'd be friends with, and so, it took a lot more effort to respond to her kindness.

This was girl time.

Over time, I had forgotten what girl time was like, my only knowledge of the topic being from sitcoms and times I spent with Angelica, who was by far more sociable and charismatic than I'd ever be.

That didn't defer from the fact that I loved Ryder and Eros dearly, and they were my closest friends, my only friends, but I did miss the conversation of a female, craving more talk than sports and school and family.

She pulled back, still smiling at me, and returned to her place by the mirror. She pulled a light dress on, and stooped, picking up a stray magazine from the floor and plopped herself down on the bed next to me, flipping it open.

I copied her manner, opening my own Cosmopolitan magazine, slightly awestruck at the normality of sex in the magazine. It was mildly refreshing, having the magazine portray sex as an empowerment to women and their pleasure, not the other way around.

"These fucking sex positions are always so far-fetched," Luna groaned, twisting the magazine in her hand, head tilted. "No one should be able to get their body like that!"

I laughed softly, the sex positions were in fact quite far-fetched, and I had no plans in ever attempting any of them, but my chuckle caught the attention of Luna, and her head popped up from behind her magazine, and addressed me.

"Would you ever want to do anything of these?" She asked, sparing her own giggle.

I shook my head, soft giggles escaping me, "I don't even think I could if I wanted to," I admitted, calming down after a few moments.

Claire grabbed at the magazine, tilting it, and sighed. "I don't why I need a man, I mean, at least I can make myself orgasm, and heck, I can make myself last as long as I want to. Those poor boys, they don't know what they're doing and half the time they can't even last longer than five minutes," she tossed the magazine back to Luna annoyed and leant up against the headboard of the bed, grabbing her phone.

My head tilted at her. I admit, I was the least experienced girl her in the room, and although I could easily bring myself to orgasm didn't mean one day I didn't want someone else to do that for me.

"You mean, you've never orgasmed with a boy?" I asked in amazement.

She looked up in me in surprise. "Well," she shifted, "I'm sure if I stayed with them long enough to teach them what I like, I would, but I just hadn't given enough shits to do that."

"Claire has a strong reputation to never date guys longer than two weeks," Luna laughed and raised her fist, "that's my girl."

I frowned. I wasn't exactly sure that was something to be proud of, and I didn't think Claire thought so either.

"It's not like I plan for that to happen!" She complained, finally putting down her phone and giving us her full attention. "It just does, besides, I've been dating Ezekiel for three weeks, what do you think of that Luna," Claire winked in the direction of Luna.

Luna rolled her eyes. "And how are you feeling about him?"

Claire faltered, but sobered quickly. "I thought he was different, all until he wasn't."

My head tilted at the girl who I once knew only by reputation, she was kind, she was beautiful, she was arguably the female version of Ryder, I never expected this to come from her, that she was more than just a player.

Claire, like all of us, had our faults, but I supposed, she was growing and learning, as all organisms do.

She sighed, "What about you Alice?" She turned to me, a upwards lift on her lips as she leaned toward me, creating a sense of secrecy.

I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What about me?"

Claire leant forward even closer, to which I leaned back, uncomfortable with the diminishing space between us. "I mean, have you ever orgasmed with a boy?"

Faltering again, I felt a rush of heat light my cheeks.

"No."

The smile grew on her face, and she cocked her head, "In fact, Alice, have you ever been with a boy?"

"No."

This seemed to catch the attention of Luna, and suddenly both pairs of eyes were on me, and the questions continued, seeming to get more and more embarrassing as the time went on.

"Have you kissed a boy?"

The heat in my cheeks burned, and I tipped my head down in shame, shaking it slightly, unable to voice the fact that I was a 16-year-old girl, and I had never been kissed.

I felt Claire's hand on my shoulder, and I lifted my head, albeit shamefully to meet her eyes, that were soft and loving, kind, unlike what I was expecting to see: cold, teasing eyes. She spoke determined, opposing her soft gaze. "If there's one thing that we're going to accomplish in our friendship Alice, it's this: you're going to learn to love life not by the boys you've kissed, but by the adventures you have."

Claire squeezed my hand and I smiled at her thankfully.

She added in a teasing voice nonetheless, breaking our soft moment.

"But I am going to get you to kiss someone."

☾

HI BABIES I FEEL LIKE IT'S BEEN TOO LONG HAHAHAHA! second semester is not yet kicking my ass, but i'm not really ready for it to kick my ass.

ah the joys of being a senior :')

there's no eros or ryder in this chapter, but i felt it was important to establish alice was making connections with other human beings besides eros and ryder haha, but don't worry, next chapter has the epitome of alice, ryder, and eros. AND A SPECIAL GUEST AHAHHA IM EVIL!

i love you bishes so much, with my big fat heart <3 i hope you enjoyed this rather mellow chapter, and prepare yourself for the doom that is to come ;)

all my love