Don't Get Involved, Please

What's wrong with you?!

It was just a normal day. Woke up, did the routine, had breakfast with everyone and went back to my room to continue some drawing I started. Until...

"Raven! Come here for a second!" yelled uncle Moji. They were all home today so it was bound to happen. "Yeah? What's up" I asked while going downstairs. "Your father wants to talk to you" he handed me the phone. I was confused. "He could've called me if he wanted to talk...". I put the phone up to my ear. "Hey, what's up? You could've called me instead if you wanted to talk, you know?" I told father. He didn't say anything, but I heard him sob a little. I think. "Hello?" I asked to see if he was still there. "Raven..." he said quietly. "Mm? What is it?" I asked getting a little worried. He's always loud. Everyone could feel the tension too. "I...I'm sorry..." he apologised for something. "What are you sorry for?" I asked. "Raven, I...I hit your mother today..." I froze at the words. This never happened. They never hit eachother. We all agreed on that. "Wh-what are you-" he cut me off. "With a glass bottle...in the head...I threw it at her...". My eyes widened. I searched for something to lean on but there was nothing around so I just had to keep staying in the same position.  "Don't move. Don't move. Don't move" I kept telling myself. I knew that one move would've made me fall.

"She's at the hospital right now...She was conscious when they took her, but she didn't blame me when they asked who did it...I...am a horrible person Raven" he was crying. I held my breath then yelled: "Of course you are! What the fuck happened!? Why-why did you end up in that situation anyway? Was it something stupid again?! I swear to-" he cut me off again. "Man these people really love to cut me off". "We were...fighting over wether you should come home already or not..." he said quietly. "What...? Why?! That's something I'll decide, not you!" I yelled. Everyone was looking at my unstable mental state so they just kept staring, not knowing what to do. Even uncle Moji who was right next to me didn't know what to do. His hands were frozen at my level. "I know...I told her that you shouldn't bother those people any longer and to come home...but she disagreed...and after that, we kept fighting about old stuff that happened...and here we are" he was sobbing again. I was just feeling weak at that moment. "Why did you call to tell me though?" I asked quietly and calm. "Your mother...might not wake up again, Raven...The pieces of glass are deep in her eyes and head..." he said crying louder now.

"..."

I gave uncle Moji the phone back and went back to my room without saying anything. I know they called after me, but I was not in the mood of talking anymore. "She might die...? This is... so stupid. Why are they like this? WHY ARE THEY STILL TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH THEY FIGHT OVER EVERYTHING? NOW SHE ENDED UP ON A STRING, READY TO FALL IN THE PIT OF DEATH! AND FATHER WENT WAY TOO FAR WITH THE GODDAMN BOTTLE AND THE HITTING AND...and...it's all my fault...they fought over me...they should've called me and ask my opinion...just like always...How did we end up here? Why did we end up here? What is wrong with their brains?" "Why are they so stupid and irrational?" I said outloud.

I punched my pillow. Multiple times.

"Hey, what did the pillow do to you?" asked Lobat standing at my halfway opened door. "Yo" he said raising his hand. "What do you want? I'm not in a good mood, I might beat you up" I said not turning to look at him. He closed the door, but stood right there. "What happened?" he asked. "None of your business" I said quietly. He came a step closer. "What happened?" he asked again. "Again, none of your goddamn business!" I threw my pillow at him. "Raven, talk about it. It'll help if you don't keep everything in" he said unbothered by the pillow he recieved in his face. "Listen Lobat, it's family shit I'm not-" he cut me off. "Talk about it. It doesn't matter what it's about really. If it bothers you, you should share it" he sat down on the floor. "No. And CAN YOU ALL STOP CUTTING ME OFF ALREADY?! I FEEL...I feel like I'm going crazy...Sometimes I feel like I'm becoming like them..." I said quietly with tears in my eyes. They weren't gonna fall, but they still made their appearance. It was quiet for a while.

"My father just hit my mother in the head with a glass bottle and she can die any moment now because they were arguing over me coming home or not" I said quickly. "Ah- Really...? That's..." he flinched. "That's fucked up, yeah. They never hit eachother, no matter what...We all agreed on that...and yet... " I fell beside my bed. I sat down and hugged my legs. "I just want to die right now" I said under my breath. When I realized I said it out loud it was too late. He heard it. And he was a little shook. "Don't just say that like it's nothing" he said quietly then came and sat beside me. "But that's what I think right now. I want to die. That's all" I said, still not looking at him. "Raven...Have you...ever considered taking your own life?" he asked carefully and quietly. "...I did. I still do...Everyday actually. It became routine thinking about it. Sometimes even trying. My life is fucked, Lobat. My life sucks, I'm part of a wierd secret organization that even kills people, I killed people, I am living with unloving and stupid and irrational parents and I'm bothering all of you by staying here. How could I not want to dissapear from this world and just...die?" I said looking forward. He was quiet for a little bit. Then he spoke again.

"That doesn't mean that you should end it. Just because your life sucks, you chose this didn't you? Did someone force you into the organization? Did someone force your parents to fight so much? Did someone force you to think you are bothering us?" he asked. "I was forced to join the organization...My parents were forced to fight because that's how they were raised and grew up with that mentality...And I forced myself on you all. You probably didn't even want me here and I get that. I was unexpected" I answered and he was shocked. "Who forced you to join the organization?" Lobat asked.  "*sigh*"

"My parents"
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□{Chapter end}□