The Toy Master Series: Behind the Scenes

ONE SHOT: Hands Heavy With Memory

Words: 2893

Couple: Cassius Eliades/Carina Ledger (also some bromance between Kailas and Cass)

Notes: Has it really been like two years since I updated this? Yeesh. Talk about taking a mental health break. Anyway, here's a oneshot I've been wanting to write for fucking AGES about Cass and some insight into the trauma he has, cuz boy definitely has some head problems. Also some cute domestic stuff with Carina because more people need to love he.

Ratings/Warnings: mentions of OCD, angst, nightmares, fluff

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My vision kept going in and out of focus, to the point where I was confused. I didn't know where I was or what I was doing, all I knew was that I was cold. My shoulders shook so much that it made my back hurt. My knees felt frozen and achy. My eyes were burning. The sky was dark, it had to be late out, but street lights had flickered on, casting an eerie white glow over me.

I was staring at an upturned bicycle with it's wheels in the air, still spinning. For a moment that's all I did was stare, until I realized my hands, compared to the rest of my body, were searing with heat. My heart was beating so fast and so hard that I could feel it in my throat, lowering my eyes.

Kailas was lying on his back in the dirt in front of me. He was trembling, and there was just enough light from the street lamps to see him. His dark skin was pasty and unusually pale, his green eyes wide and glassy. There were tears streaked across his cheeks. His bangs were stuck to his forehead from sweat and blood. The gash on the left side of his face was spilling scarlet. Red was in the corners of his mouth, smeared over his chin, speckled on his lips. He looked so scared.

I chanced looking away from him to stare at where my hands were. Folded over the bullet wound, putting pressure against it because that's what Arthur told me to do. I wanted to stop the bleeding, but there was just so much. My hands were covered in thick blood, it was under my nails and staining the ends of my shirt sleeves.

I was crying with him, sobbing loudly where he was simply lying there letting the tears collect on his cheeks. His eyes were stuck on the sky, lips parted as he breathed harshly. I could hear the blood in his lungs, in his mouth, and I thought I might pass out from fear.

"You're gonna be okay!" I wailed to him, trying to get his attention, to keep him awake. "You're gonna be okay and we're gonna find Demi! I promise! Please don't die! I don't want you to die! I don't want anyone to die!"

His eyes were drooping, shadows dusting the bottom eyelids. He looked half dead already, but he whined when I pushed harder against his chest. I didn't even know if I was helping or making everything worse, but I couldn't let him die. I couldn't let him close his eyes.

His head lolled to the side, letting his unfocused eyes find me. "Cass," he mumbled my name, and it made me cry more.

No one called me Cass. No one called me by my actual name. From the moment we met, my friends had been calling me Worm, because it was a good memory. It was funny and always made us laugh.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed, "Kailas I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

His eyes rolled closed and mine snapped open.

Everything felt the same, my heart was still in my throat and I was panting. My body felt heavy and uncomfortable, and my eyes were stinging. I wiped at my cheeks, cursing quietly when I realized I'd been crying. My hair was heavy with sweat as I ran a hand through it, rolling my head on my pillow to look at the space beside me.

Carina was still asleep, lying on his stomach with half his face hidden in the pillow. I was beyond grateful my nightmare hadn't woken him up, and let out a sigh before shutting my eyes.