The Suggs

Chapter 39

I'm waiting for Joe to answer his phone. "Hi Kay!" I smile as I hear his happy voice through the phone. Connor, Troye and Tyler are leaving in half an hour and I feel pretty bad about it. I only know these guys for a week and I love them already. "Hi boyfriend!" I laugh a bit and try to remember why I was calling him. "How are you?" I shrug my shoulders although I know he can't see it. "Alright I think. Everyone is leaving today so that's not cool. How are you? Did your meeting go well?" I watch Connor and Troye packing their stuff as I'm listening to Joe telling how yesterday went. "Why did you call?" He asks when he finished his story. "I can't remember, I just missed your voice I thi.." My voice fades away. I suddenly feel like everyone is leaving and I'm not coming with them. And my feeling is right. Everyone IS leaving. I have a weird feeling in my chest and I try to stop myself of thing about it. "I miss you as well. I wish I was able to come over but I can't.." I feel a physic block in my throat, I can't speak for a moment. I feel getting really warm at once. I shake my head. "Yeah, I have to go. Love you Joe." I never felt like this before. I feel my body demonstrating, I need to go and sit down somewhere, NOW. I quickly disconnect. I cannot care less about how I ended this conversation. I need to sit down for a moment, otherwise I will faint or something.

I quickly walk past Tyler, I almost push him on the ground. "Sorry." I walk to the couch and let me fall on it. I feel like I was just in time. I feel really bad right now and I need to calm down before everyone is going. I try to breathe calm for a couple minutes. "I'll be okay now. I just need something to drink.." I get of the couch and I feel like I can fall down any second. I see everything black for a moment and I need to grab the couch to hold myself from falling. Everything appears again and I walk to the kitchen. I get myself a glass of water and drink it. I'll be okay.

"Kayla! Are you coming? I'm going to bring them to the airport!" Zoe screams and I walk to the front door where everyone is standing. I look to everyone standing in the doorway. I shake my head and walk through it. Tyler walks to me and gives me a hug. "It was so nice to meet you, queen!" I see his fell hair in the corner of my eye. Then he pulls back and walks to Zoe to give her a hug as well. Troye looks happy as always and pulls me in for a tight hug. "It was lovely. I hope to see you again soon!" He pulls back and looks with his happy, bright blue eyes into mine. I feel a sparkle of happiness in my chest as our eyes cross. He looks away and that happy feeling disappears again. I realize that it will talk a very long time till we see each other again. It's not likely to even see each other again. I turn around to Connor. "Hey Con." I squeeze him for a moment. "Thanks for this week." He whispers. I nod my head and feel tears appear. "I love you Connor. I'll miss you a lot.." Connor pulls back and a tear drops down. O my god, I don't want to cry, I'm so stupid. He puts his hands on my upper arms and looks down. When he notices I'm crying he wipes the tears away. "I'll come back, I promise." He hugs me again. I wish I could believe that.

He pulls back and winks. "Bye Zoe. Thank you so much for letting us staying here!" He gives Zoe a quick hug. "Anytime!" They all grab their bags and walk to the car of Zoe. I look to my hands which are shaking. I hide them in my pockets. "Are you okay?" She asks and I nod quickly, I don't want her to worry. "I will be okay." Zoe walks away to the car, half way she stops and turns around. "Are you sure?" I nod quickly. "Yeah sure."

I walk around, into the empty house. My chest start cramping and I feel like I can barely breathe. Everyone is gone. "Kayla stop, Zoe will be back in three hours." Three freaking hours, I repeat in my head. I want to do something but my head doesn't let me.

"I.. I'm not alone. I won't be alone. I can't be alone." I find myself nervously walking through the house. I want Joe. Now. I grab my phone. I try to call him but my hands are too shaky. "Come on!" I get so annoyed by myself. "Don't be stupid!" I look around and nobody's here to help me, of course. "Joe.." I try it one more time really slow. I see my screen all blurry because of my tears in my eyes. I look one more time to see if I have to right number. I click on it and call Joe. I need to hear his voice.

"Hi Kay! Are you okay?" He asks happily and my throat cramps. "J.. Joe?" I struggle with speaking, my voice is all cracky. "Yeah?" He asks, immediately a lot more serious. "Where are you?" I ask with a lot of effort. My hands are all sweaty and really shaky. I try to stop shaking by pushing my phone against my head. "I'm still at home, but I'm about to go to an important meeting in a second, what about that?" I look to the clock, I still have to wait 2 hours till Zoe is back. "Zoe is away an.." My voice fades away. Two freaking hours. Everyone is away. Zoe is away. Connor is away. Joe is away. My dad is away. My mum, I don't even know, I don't even want to know. "Joe, I'm scared." I start crying and this makes breathing even harder. "I'm alone. Everybody left me. I can't.." I shake my head. "What's wrong Kayla?" He asks worryingly as I keep on the silence. "I cant.. I can't breathe properly Joe. I'm shaking, I don't know what to do. Help me, please help me.." I'm fully out of breath and I cry even harder. "I'm coming now."

I look at my hands which are shaking and I don't want to panic. I'm scared I'll get a panic attack like the previous time. I need to move every second. I have to wait a few more minutes. I'm waiting an hour already. I can't handle this any longer. I had to promise him twenty times that I won't leave the house and then everything will be okay, at least that's what he told me. I tweeted it on my fan account, that I was scared to get a panic attack again, in the hope it would be better but it became even worse. I'm so scared for nobody coming back. What if they all stay away from me because they don't like me anymore? I don't want to be alone the rest of my life, this can't be. I can't.. Why does this has to happen to me?

The front door stops my thoughts for a moment. I know it's Joe. I want to jump up and run towards him. I want to hug him. I want to.. I want so much but I feel a physical block. I can't make myself to move. As I couldn't make myself stop moving a few minutes ago, I can't get myself from this couch now. Joe enters the living room. Of course, I already knew he would but I'm still so surprised by actually seeing him I put my hands over my mouth and start crying. I can't believe he's actually here.

"Why do you look so shocked by seeing me? Of course I would come!" He quickly walks towards me and sits next to me on the couch. He opens his arms and I literally let myself fall into his arms while crying. "I'm sorry. Sorry for me being like this. Sorry that you're here now, but I really really needed you right now." Joe wipes over my head and kisses it. "That's alright. You are more important than that meeting. They will understand and otherwise they just need to accept it, because I'm not leaving you."

Zoe has came back and I hear her entering the apartment. Joe is still sitting next to me with his arms around me. I feel a lot calmer thanks to him. Zoe looks surprised when she sees Joe sitting next to me. "Joe? What are you doing here? You have a meeting with the people of Skype, haven't you?" Then she sees my face and she immediately walks towards us and sits down on the little table. "I should never have left you alone here. I asked you but I could have thought of this, of course you would say that you were good. I'm so stupid! Sorry Kay.." I smile a bit. "It wasn't your fault, I said you could go." She shakes her head. "I should have stayed here."

Joe starts explaining everything to Zoe and she nods but I see she still feels guilty about it. "At least I'm here now. Did you had this before?" I shake my head. "If you ever feel like this, please say it okay?" I nod this time and push my face a little harder on Joe's chest and Zoe stands up to put away her jacket.

I convinced Joe that he could go home and that I will be okay with Zoe. I don't feel panicky anymore and I don't want him to miss more meetings. The people of Skype weren't happy with Joe's action but they said they can have another meeting later this week. Zoe holds up two cookies as question if I want one. "No thanks!" I scream back and I quickly think back of today. I totally ruined everyone's day. I will try to make the people around me happy from now.