Her Boyfriend, My Husband

CHAPTER 42

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Maryam's POV

Outside, it continued to rain cats and dogs and the open window allowed the wind to carry cold sprays of water into the room. I felt chilly but that was the least of my concerns right now. This pressure Yusuf was putting on my heart was more worrisome to me. It was like I was in the middle of a tug of war with Zainab on one side and Yusuf on the other. Except, I couldn't resist Yusuf's pull on me being stronger.

When he stepped away after kissing my forehead, the desperate plea in his eyes made my heart do a double take since it was how I felt too. My knees felt weaker by the second and so did the fact that there was a Zainab standing between us. Not only Zainab's existence, but the existence of everyone else in the world started to fade except mine's and Yusuf. It felt like it was only me and him and no matter how I tried, I couldn't see a reason why I shouldn't just confess all I feel right now.

Yusuf released me and I immediately felt empty but I didn't do anything and controlled myself, only watching as he approached the window and closed it. Shutting out the sound of the rain and the chilly wind but still, I didn't feel any warmer.

"It's late, I'll leave you to sleep." Yusuf said, his face portraying a despairing expression that started to ebb away the stubbornness in my heart.

He turned around and was walking to the door when I couldn't handle it anymore. I realised that the cold I was feeling wasn't because of the rain or the chilliness of the wind, it was because Yusuf had removed me from the warmth of his embrace and was about to leave me. I had no power over it when for the first time, I let my heart speak instead of my mind.

"Yusuf please wait, turn back and look at me," I blurted to which he stopped and did as I said.

He stood there near the door and I stayed where I was, just watching the tiles with my downcast eyes, I just couldn't raise them to his face as I started to step forward with a desire to empty out all my emotions and a burning feeling in my throat. I only stopped walking forward when Yusuf's feet were in view and I prepared myself.

"I need you. I need your gaze to give me courage to say this words that will mark me as a traitor." I closed my eyes, wanting to say it quickly before all my courage fails me. "I love you Yusuf Alhassan."

I feel brave enough to open my eyes and look up into his soft amber eyes, marveling at the beauty of Yusuf's creation, drinking up the serenity of this moment for I don't know what my revelation will lead to. He looked like he didn't believe what he just heard or even if he did, he was taking his time in deciphering the words.

"I love you," I repeated more quitely and stepped even closer until we were inches apart. "And I have loved you for a while now, it has been a battle between my will power, loyalty and your love... and your love has vanquished every resistance inside me and it has conquered my whole being. Your love has fettered my soul until it submitted to the sheer force of it's capacity. I love you Yusuf, I love you. I love every part of you and I want the whole of you, if I can't have the whole of you then I want to settle for just a part of you. Because... because I'm afraid that I can't survive when Zain--"