She's lost In A Sea Of Poetry

She's soft but dangerous because she knows her worth

She's soft but dangerous,a rose with sharp thorns. Be careful how you handle her. She's tender, she's soft, she's lovely. But unpredictable. She'll love you with all her heart or lock you out of it forever. You'll learn she's many things, a bullet with butterfly wings. A lightning strike, so beautiful so amazing, but her words powerful, can burn you, can shock you to your core. Her tongue, sharp, can cut you like glass,leave you standing there frozen. Or she can nature you with them,build you up, leave soft kisses on your skin and beautiful words you'll never forget. It all depends on how you treat her, how you love her, what you give her. If you give her love, you'll get so much back, overflowing love,kindness, emotion,devotion, loyalty, respect and affection. A thousand roses just for you and hugs and kisses too. But if you disrespect her, you hurt her, betray her, lie to her, or shut her out, all of which she's been though,she'll turn you away, she'll lock the door, she'll go on with her life and pretend she never knew you. She may never say another word to you again if she thinks it's what you deserve. And the girl you once knew? The kindness, the love you saw? The concern, the attention? She'll never give it to you again, at least not ever in the same way, if ever again at all. She'll become cold, heartless. Hurt, grieve, break and let you go all on her own time. She'll miss you but you'll never hear it. And then one day it won't hurt as much anymore and she'll move on and she'll be gone, just like that. And you'll never ever know her the same. Never ever get that same love, that same kindness back from her. In her mind you've lost the right for her to pour her love into you, to hand you those roses she gave you. You lost the right to know her in that way ever again and to love her and to have her love. You messed up. You handed her the scissors, the match and she burnt the bridge. You gave her the reason. Because all she ever asked was for loyalty, for respect, for honesty, for the same love and effort to be reciprocated back to her and she never thought that was too much to ask for her. And one day she'll find someone that does give all of that to her. And she'll realize some people just couldn't or wouldn't meet her needs and that she wasn't to blame for that, and she'll never be the one to blame for that. And she'll realize she's not prefect, no one is. That even when you're in love and everything is great, you're still going to fight, still going to argue and step on each others toes. And she'll realize that's alright, that love isn't meant to be perfect, it's meant to be real, and the most important thing is finding someone who is worth it. Who although they make you wanna scream at the top of your lungs sometimes, although they may make you shake your head, they make you laugh and smile a lot more than they do cry. They make your head spin and heart pound and it feels like the first time you ever fell in love, but so much more. They'll challenge you. They'll scare you and excite you all at once. Make you feel like you could go on adventures with them, that just being with them everyday is one. This,this love is different from what I've experienced in my past relationships, but it's a good difference. It's not toxic, not confusing. Two past relationships of mine were on and off, left and right up and down. We were together one minute then we weren't. Everything was fine, then it wasn't, then it was, then it wasn't. They were roller coasters, carnival rides and I got motion sickness. I couldn't stand it. I had given them more chances than they were worthy. I was blinded by love, roses tinted glasses. I was lied to, manipulated. And I wasn't valued. Most of all, I allowed it to happen. I opened my door again and again and again and again for these people. I gave them chance after chance hoping that something would change, that we'd finally make it work this time. I've come to learn and understand it wasn't my fault. They couldn't commit, or didn't want to. The only fault I have was that I gave them power,more power than I should've because I was in love. I am so afraid of that happening again. I'm afraid of the past repeating, I'm afraid of being hurt again like that, and most of all allowing someone to hurt me like that again. I'm afraid of falling in love with someone again and giving them all my power. I'm afraid I give too much. I tell myself I'll stop if they pull back, I will too. If they close themselves off, I will too. I'll only return back what is given to me. And I'm still a firm believer in second chances, that everyone deserves one, but I tell myself now that that is it. That if they can't stick with me, and treat me the way I deserve, they can leave. As scared as I am about loving someone again though, I do.  But I think this will be a fear though I'll follow with me the rest of my life now, or at least for a very long time. It serves as a reminder, a reminder of what I want from and in a relationship, of what I deserve. It's a lesson that some people weren't meant for me, but that they were definitely meant to teach me. And this fear, and anxiety, it's something I developed though these relationships and other experiences and it's something I face everyday and some days I overcome it,some days i don't. But the one thing I've learned the most is self love and what I'll take and what I won't. What I deserve and want and what i don't.  I went though some drama, some tough times, some confusion. Nights where I laid in bed wide awake, bawling my eyes out wondering why I hadn't heard anything from my current boyfriend at the time for a week and why I was the only one who kept reaching out, waiting for a reply that only came Valentine's day and read that we should take a break. Nights where I scratched my head in confusion wondering what I had done. Until I realized I hadn't done anything, the only thing I was guilty of was giving people more chances than they deserved, more time,more attention and more love form me than they deserved. And the thing is when you finally realize what you do deserve and you start saying no to what you don't, the universe gives you what you do. They weren't meant for me, I know this now. They were meant to teach me, teach me self love, self respect. And those people don't deserve a spot at my table in my life anymore. And I've locked them out, I've moved  on and I'm happy. I'm happy, but I'll never forget what those relationships taught me. Sometimes you really do have to get though the worse to experience the best, and you can't have the one without first living the other. In the end this is my journey, and I'm a lot more happy to be where I am with then where I was. I'm glad life brought me to where I am right now. I'm grateful somethings didn't work out like I once wanted them to because if they had I wouldn't be where i am now. some things don't work out for a reason. And everything is taking us somewhere, but we never know where till we get there. I am hopeful for the future and thankful for the past. It grew me, and what's next, I'm sure will grow me even more.