Saved - 5sos Fanfiction

Part 30 - News

The next day I spend with Claire, we sit on the couch and watch Australia's Next Top Model, both agreeing that America's Next Top Model is much better, since it's the original. Something is off about Claire today, ever since I saw her this morning she has been down and she's often lost in thoughts. To be honest, I'm worried, she's not her bubbly self and I'm not used to seeing her like this.

"Everything alright?" I ask her once I notice she has once again zoomed out.

She looks at me quickly before looking back at the tv. "Yeah"

I sigh. "Claire, you don't have to lie to me. You're not alright, what's wrong?"

She gets lost once more before reaching forward and turn the tv off. We're left in silence and I start to get worried. I turn around slightly so that I have one leg bent underneath me and one hanging of the end of the couch while Claire sits with both of her legs underneath her.

"Listen, I just want to start of by telling you that I love you and you're like my daughter. I'll always be here for you and I'm always here to listen. I don't want to see you hurt" she says and my heart beats faster and faster. "I got a call from Mrs. Wright around midnight"

"Oh really?" I smile. "How is she?"

"She's good. Uhm, but she told me some news and..."

"What is it?" I ask frowning.

"Your mother... She... Uhm"

My heart beats so fast I think it might jump out of my chest. "What happened to her?"

"Your mother committed suicide, she was found dead in her room at the rehab"

My heart stops. Everything around me seemed to stop and everything starts to spin. There's a ringing in my ears and I feel like I might pass out. I feel sick, like I'm gonna throw up and nothing makes sense. I don't hear Claire's voice, I don't see her mouth moving, I don't feel her hand on my shoulder.

My mother. My own mother. She's dead. She's not here, I will never ever see her again, I will never be able to hear her voice or feel her scent. Yeah, she hasn't been much of a mother to me lately, she's actually not been a mother at all. She left me for drugs and alcohol. But she's still my mother, my only mother, no one else can take her place. I lost the last source of my genes, my last parent.

I mean, my dad might still my alive but I have no idea where he is or how to find him, I bet he doesn't want me to know either, he probably wants nothing to do with me, that's why he left us, right? He didn't want me so he left and that's why my mother turned to alcohol.

Oh my god. This is all his fault. My mother loved him, he left her alone with me and she couldn't handle it so she started drinking. In the end it got too much and I was sent here when she went to rehab which is where she died. This is my father's fault. I hate him. I mean, I always have but now I really really hate him.

"Please say something" Claire pleads, looking at me with tears in her beautiful eyes.

I swallow and open my mouth to say something but no words come out of my mouth. I mean, what do you say to the person who just told you that your mother is dead. I lost my mother. My mother is dead.
There are no tears in my eyes, no tears rolling down my cheeks, there's only a pain in my heart and a lump in my throat.

Without a word, I walk upstairs and enter my room, closing the door behind me. Maybe I can hide in here until my body fades away into nothing. I wonder how it feels to die, what do you think about in your last second. I wonder what my mum thought of, who she thought of. She killed herself, she ended her life, why? I lay down on my bed, staring up at the white ceiling, trying to think about what the last thing I said to my mother was. When did I last see her? When did I last hear her voice?