Saved - 5sos Fanfiction

Part 17 - Morning run

As soon as I see the pizza, I feel sick. It feels like I'm letting myself down if I eat it. I don't want to get any bigger than what I really am, so why should I eat pizza? But I know for a fact that the boys won't let me go until I've eaten at least one slice. You should start working out girl, you need it you fat ass. Maybe I should... I could run tomorrow? 

"Here" Ashton says, placing one slice onto my plate, then he leans back to whisper in my ear. "You're beautiful, one pizza slice won't hurt you"

I just sigh. The movie stars and everyone starts eating, except from me. When I do begin to eat, it's really hard. It's weird because I haven't had a this hard time eating in a while. I mean, sure I never eat a lot, but it hasn't been this hard for me to eat since I lived in the UK. 

When I notice that I've eaten half of my slice, the demons are back. They're screaming in my mind, how fat I am, asking how I can eat so much. I want to be able to eat like a normal person, I'm not choosing not to eat, I'm not telling the demons in my mind to yell at me whenever I eat. It's not me, I don't want to live like this, I really don't, but somehow my life took me here and now I can't seem to get back on track. 

"Ashon" I whisper, looking at him. 

He stops eating, looking at me and then my slice. "You have to eat" he whispers back. 

"I can't"

"Yes you can, I promise you" he whispers. 

"No-"

"Please"

After a while, I've eaten the whole slice. To be honest, I just feel like crying. Tears are filling up my eyes, making my sight blurry. Nothing is right, the demons are so loud I can't hear the tv, the tears are so thick I  can barely see, the guilt of eating is killing me. But suddnely, Ashton's voice is heard with the demons. It's like hearing an angels voice in hell.

"It's okay, Alison. You did it, you're fine" 

 And I lean on him, as he put his arm around me, holding me close. I feel safe as I'm in his arms. The demons seem to fade away, all of the thoughts are gone and I'm just listening to Ashton's heartbeat, feeling his breath against my cheek. 

When that movie ended, we watched another one. By this time, it's around nine I think and I guess we were all getting tired, but not tired enough to sleep, so we decided to watch the third Harry Potter movie as well. As the movie begins, I'm already fully in Ashton's arms, my legs resting over his, my feet on the other side of his legs and my head leaning against his chest. His arms are wrapped about me and his chin is resting on the top of my head.

I feel my eyelids getting heavier by every second and all noises from the movie begins to fade away. Just before I fall into a world of dreams, I feel my body getting heavier and Ashton kissing my temple. Then I leave reality for a while and nothing really matters, because I know I'm safe in Ashton's arms.

*

As I wake up, I'm laying in my own bed, cuddled up into my cover, feeling the warmth from it's fabric. The sun is shut out by the blinds and only one single sunray hits me right in the face. I suppose you think this is like one of those graceful scenes in romantic movies when the girl wakes up next to her boyfriend, a smal sunray hitting her face, making her eyes look brighter, then she will turn around, kiss him and he would wake up, smile and say Morning Beautiful. 

This wasn't one of those scenes.

In fact, I don't think those moments ever happen in real life. When you're watching a romantic movie, a special scene that is just so perfect and you wish you could be in that exact moment. But if you think about it, that will never happen in real life. Life isn't as beautiful as they make it look on screen. They make depression look easy, a boy find intrest in a girl with depression and fixes her. They make love look easy, like it's just to meet a guy and immediately like him, a week after they're dating and a year later they are married. It's not like that.