Saved - 5sos Fanfiction

Part 7 - Thoughts

This is it. It's time, I gotta do it.

Me and Claire are sitting in a cafe called Stacey's Corner. I've ordered a cappuccino while Claire chose a latte. We both know I'm going to speak, let it all out, but I guess Claire is just giving me time, letting me begin whenever I'm ready. I, however, am just looking down, thinking about where I should begin, what should I tell her, what do I not tell her, how much can I handle?

"There's something I have to tell you" Claire suddenly says, before I can talk. I look up at her, confusion showing all over my face. "I've met you before"

"What?" 

"I was ten when your mother got pregnant, by the time she was seventeen" she begins. "Our mother, your grandmother, threw her out. She was disappointed in her daughter's choice to get pregnant, even though your mother didn't want to get pregnant, it just happened. I talked to Lennie a few times, and when your father left you both, I know she turned to alcohol. I was worried about you, but I never had the chance to meet you, your mother wouldn't let me. But when I turned seventeen, Lennie was twenty four, our mother died. Me and Lennie met at the funeral, which also is where I met you the first time. You were seven years old, and I noticed you were acting differently, like you were scared. When I talked to Lennie about it, she told me to let it go, that it was nothing to worry about, but the way she grabbed you when you were leaving made me realize it was something to worry about"

It's like Claire is in another place, she zooms out and just stares down at the table. Tears begin to form in her eyes and as the first tear falls, she takes a deep breath. 

"The fear in your eyes could be seen from miles away, and you were so small! You couldn't protect yourself!" at this time, she begins to cry for real and I just grab her hand over the table. "I moved in to foster care since I didn't have any relatives nearby. There wasn't one minute were I wasn't thinking about you. The second I turned eighteen, I went to court, trying to get custody of you. It wasn't a success. After that, I began to get these text from an anonymous texts saying that if I didn't leave the UK, if I didn't move to Australia, that person would hurt you, badly. So I did"

I was stiff on the chair. She got the texts too. Did she find out who the person was? Is it the same person that has been texting me? She tried to save me, she didn't succeed. How can I tell her what I went through now? She will just feel bad, so bad. I can't tell her, no way.

"Alison, what happened back then? What did she do to you?" Claire whispers and looks me deeply into my eyes.

I can't answer her, I just shake my head, pushing the tears back by closing my eyes. How can I not remember her? Claire? It was only ten years ago, it was a funeral, the funeral of my grandmother, how can I not remember?!

Claire squeezes my hands harder. "Please tell me"

I just take a deep breath and let it all out. "From the year of five to seven, my mother basically ignored my because my father left us, she blamed it on me. But then she started drinking and she yelled at me a lot, for no reason. Then there was this one night I remember her freaking out. She hit me, threw me into a wall, making me unconscious. I ended up in the hospital and after that it's a blurr-" I stop talking, knowing that's probably the reason I don't remember the funeral or Claire. We both realizes this and cry a little more before I continue talking. "During my whole life I was bullied and at the age of ten, I was diagnosed with SAD, Social Anxiety Disorder. I was afraid of going out, talking to people, only seeing people made me panic. It got worse when I got older and in school they would hit me and yell at me, this continued to my very last school day there, before I moved here" 

I decide that I can't tell her the hardest part, because she may think this is the worst, but it isn't. There is more, more that is far worse. But I can't bring myself to tell her, it's too much. Do I have to tell her sometime? Maybe not, maybe I can do this without telling her.