Saved - 5sos Fanfiction

Part 16 - Too much

Before today, I hadn't cut myself for a long long time. I was making progress. I was on the road to recovery, but then it all ended because I did it again. My right wrist now has eight large, deep cuts. I cleaned them up and now they have all stopped bleeding. I guess I was lucky, because none of the boys has knocked on the door, I haven't heard them either so that's good. 

After making sure no one was outside, I walk back to my room and change my tank top to a long sleeved shirt to hide what I had just done. No one could know. This will have to be my own secret. As I look myself in the mirror, I am disgusted with what I see. My eyes are slightly red, my hair is put up in a messy bun and the clothes I wear look terrible on me. 

"Alison, you in there?"

I jerk back to reality, looking at the door that's now opening. Quickly, I pull my sleeves down to cover up the cuts. Michael walks inside, shutting the door behind him. We look into each other eyes, me just waiting for him to say something.

"The boys are cleaning up downstairs" he tells me.

"They don't have to, I can take care of it. It's my house after all" I assure him but he shakes his head.

"No it's okay... I just" he can't get the words out, I can tell. "I just wanted to see if you were okay"

I melt at his words, but I can't believe him. Why would he care about me at all? "I'm fine, Michael"

"No you're not, that's the thing. I can see it in your eyes" I look down at my feet, crossing my arms over my chest. "Why won't you talk to me?" he asks, looking at me with pleading eyes. 

"Because there is nothing to talk about!" I burt out.

"Then why won't you eat?!"

"I said I wasn't hungry!"

"Well you clearly lied!"

"And how would you know, huh?!"

"I saw it!"

"So you can read minds now or what?"

"Oh God Alison you're hopeless!" he yells out, throwing his arms out.

It feels like someone just put a knife through my heart. "Don't you think I know that already?! Maybe that's why there is nothing to talk about because I am hopeless!" 

"Alison-"

"I'm going for a walk" I tell him, walking past him, out the bedroom door.

"Alison please!" he shouts after me as I walk quickly down the stairs, seeing the other boys walk out from the kitchen, watching us closely.

"What's going on?" Ashton asks, trying to stop me by gently grabbing my arm, but I shook it of, running out the door.

"Alison! Stop!" Michael yells after me as I run down the driveway. 

Apparently, it has now started raining and I'm already soaked, but I don't care, I just keep running down the street. I can hear the boys yelling after me, but like I said before, I don't care. Since it's raining so much, I don't even notice the tears that are now running down my cheeks along with the raindrops. 

I reach a park, sitting down on a bench, dragging my legs up against my chest. As I put my arms around my legs, hugging myself, I cry harder, thinking about everything and nothing. I hear Michael calling me hopeless, I see Ashton's eyes, I feel his hand on my arm. 

My wrist is stinging and burning so I push the sleeve up a bit, to see if it makes any difference. As soon as I see the cuts I cry harder again. It's like every single piece of happiness that I built up has been torn down, along with my soul. When I thought nothing could go wrong, everything did, showing that I was wrong.