Saved - 5sos Fanfiction

Part 36 - Decisions

*Yes I am alive*

Please read the A/N at the end, very important!

During our walk, Ashton never let go of my hand. Out fingers were always intertwined and his thumb moves back and forth over the back of my hand. Arriving at the port, I unlock it with my key and we both walk inside, still holding hands. Ashton's reaction to the smell is quite funny, even though I'm sure he isn't aware of it, his face makes a grimace.

"It has always smelled like this", I tell him with a smile and he looks at me with the same look as before.

"It's awful", he admits and I nod as we approach the stairs.

We take one step at a time, obviously he's trying not to rush me which is nice of him. It's hard to be back, even though I've already been here. My heart still aches from the memories of everything that has happened in this complex. So much happened behind those walls, no one ever noticed.

When we're standing in front of my door, as I take the keys out, Ashton reads on the name tag on the door. I push the key into the keyhole and twist it. Opening the door, I'm once again overwhelmed with all the memories. Exhaling, I step inside, for the first time letting go of Ashton's hand. Ashton takes everything in beside me, and I just stare. Stare at everything in here there is to stare at.

I walk into the kitchen, the note is still there on the kitchen table. Quietly, I walk around and I can hear Ashton doing the same. After looking out from the living room windows, I walk towards the hallway, to my room. It's just how I left everything.

Whilst walking over to my desk, I hear Ashton arriving. He walks inside as I open the drawers, one after another. Each one is empty, except from the last one. In that drawer is the copy of my favourite book of all times. The Sky Is Everywhere, by Jandy Nelson.

"He used to sneak out with me late at night to watch the stars from our backyard." I sit down on my bed with the book in my lap. "He knew as well as me how much my mother hated it", continuing, a smile is brought to my lips. "I would sit up in my bed, waiting for him to come and then we'd climb out the window." Ashton sits down beside me, but I can't take my eyes of the book. "We didn't live here when he was with us. We had this two storey house in a cute neighbourhood." I bite my lip after taking a deep breath. "Usually we didn't say much when we were laying on the grass, just watching the night sky. Partly because we didn't want to wake my mother up, but also because there was nothing to say." I feel my lips shaking and my eyes getting watery as I continue. "Then this one night I sat up waiting for him and he never came."

Ashton grabs my hand and I immediately hold it back, tight. "Then the next morning none of his things were there, neither was he."

As I break down once again, Ashton brings me onto his lap and cradle me in his arms. I hide my face in his t-shirt and feel his lips touch the crown of my head. Then he starts humming on a song that I soon recognise as Fix You with Coldplay. Listening to his voice, I calm down once again, but just enjoy the moment in his arms.

*

"Are you sure you're not going to check everything again?" Claire asks anxiously, looking through the stuff I want to throw away.

"Yes Claire, I'm sure", I tell her, carrying the one move box holding the stuff I want to keep. It's barely even full.

There are a few workers with a big van who will be coming to pick everything up and another woman will be taking care of the sale of the apartment, which I will receive most money from. It's only me and Claire here today, we persuaded all of the boys to find something else to do.