Saved - 5sos Fanfiction

Part 22 - Movie day

By the time we landed in Sydney, the clock was around ten at night, because there was a slight delay on our plane, due to much traffic in the air, but I didn't complain, after this amazing day it didn't really mattered. After standing by the entrance for like five minutes, Ashton's car drives up, Michael in the driver seat. 

"Good evening" he greets us, stepping out of the car. He walks to me and pulls me into a hug. "Did you have an awesome first date?" he asks and I giggle, wrapping my arns around his torso.

"Yeah, it was unbelievable" I smile, kissing his cheek before sitting down in the backseat, thanking Ashton for opening the door for me.  

Once we're all seated, Michael begins to drive and quiet music is playing on the radio. All three of us talk about mine and Ashton's date, telling Michael what we did and answer the questions that Michael asks. It's nice. None of us are like hyper so we're all calm, talking with low voices, enjoying the soft song playing on the radio. 

As we stop at my driveway, all three of us get out and as I hug Michael, Ashton gets my bag from the back of the car.

"I'll see you soon, yeah?" Michael smiles and lets me go, backing towards the driver car door.

"Of course" I smile back and he sits back down in the car.

I turn to Ashon who is standing on the gravel path that leads up to the front porch with his arm reached towards me. We walk on the gravel path in silence, our hands intertwined. When we're in front of the front door, I turn towards him so that we are standing right in front of each other. 

"Thank you so much for today, it was awesome" I smile, locking my hands around his neck.

He smiles and places my bag on the floor, sneaking his arms around my waist. "No, thank you"

We reach in for a kiss and once again, there's a pack of butterflies going crazy in my stomach. It's like my feelings for Ashton are infinite, they will never go away. Oblivion is inevitable like John Green said, but I really do believe that I will never ever forget Ashton. I'll die thinking of him, he will be with me until my last second and that's the truth. Even if we break up I will never be able to forget him. And I'll not only remember him as my lover, my crush. I'll remember him as the boy who changed my life, the boy who saved me, even if it was only for a second. 

I remember the first time I read The Fault In Our Stars. I admired - I still do - Hazel's and Augustus' relationship. Even though I knew it was impossible, I waited for Augustus to find me. Of course I didn't wait for the Augustus Waters, because that would be litterally impossible, but I waited for a guy like Augustus to find me and mend my broken heart. 

I pretended that I was Hazel, because I saw a part of her in me. She was going to die, she was sick, with cancer. I thought back then that I was going to die and just like Hazel, I waited for death. I guess me and her didn't have that much in common, she didn't really have a coice, she was really going to die, while I had the choice to die or not. Sometimes I planned my death, the date, how I was going to do it, but I didn't because I wanted to meet my Augustus Waters. 

I guess I was - still am - kind of selfish. I mean, while people - kids, old, adults, teens - suffer from cancer, knowing that they will die and that they don't really have a choice, while people are praying for their lives, I sat at home, tears rolling down my cheeks, blood covering my wrists, wishing that I would just die. But I think that suicide isn't selfish. Some people do, but I really don't. People who commit suicide don't really choose to, they don't do it just because. It takes a lot to actually commit suicide. I think that people that commit suicide don't really have much of a choice, they don't see any other way than to end their lives. Isn't it sad that it can go that far?