Embracing scars (COMPLETED)

30. Gone is the girl named Caya

Warning: R-18 scenes ahead. Please read responsibly.

"Caya..." ani Kianna

"Kumain ka na," dagdag ni Izaac.

I just looked at nothingness while lying in bed. I didn't look at them.

"I'm full," Mahina kong sabi

"You didn't eat the whole day,"

"Not hungry." sagot ko

May sasabihin pa sana si Kianna ngunit pinigilan siya ni Storm. They said something but I wasn't paying attention.

"We'll be outside."

It's been two weeks.

Two weeks since I lost my dad. Two weeks of unending pain. Two weeks full of pain and guilt.

Dad's burial was yesterday. I was with mom... but she treats me like I'm not existing at all. She didn't even want to go near me. She can't even look me straight in the eye.

And for the next three days, after that, I focused on my studies ... and internship. South... who promised not to see me anymore, came to the hospital yesterday. We just accidentally saw each other. He said he was asked by his mom to get her medical results. And he extended his condolences.

I kinda admit seeing him, somehow, it eased the pain I am carrying. But I keep on reminding myself that he isn't for me. Because again, he deserves someone better.

Kahit na gustong-gusto ko na siyang yakapin, 'di ko ginawa. Pinilit ko. Kasi hindi pwede. I missed his comfort. And his love.

But I don't think I will ever deserve to love again. To be happy again. The tragic death dad had suffered, it was all because of me. I caused his death. I killed my own father.

Sana nga... ako na lang ang namatay.

I'm willing to trade my life just to see my dad live again. Kung pwede lang.

But that's not how life works. That's not the cycle of life and death. And that's what makes it unfair.

"Cay, sama ka?" tanong ni Kianna matapos ang duty namin.

Kaagad akong umiling. "I still need to study,"

"Sige. Di na rin ako sasama. Lets study na lang!" Walang alinlangan niyang sabi

"Alright. No party tonight. Sleepover na lang tayo kina Caya," dagdag ni Storm.

I don't even know why Mikael and Storm are here. I thought it was only Izaac since he offered to fetch us after our duty.

"Game! I'll buy some drinks!" Izaac said

"Cay, sabay ka na sa akin? O kay Storm? tanong ni Mikael

"Sayo na lang. Bibili pa kasi sila ng food,"

"I'll text Ate Xixi and Kuya Xian and Kuya Alexander!"

"Kuya Xian is already here? I thought he's still in Singapore."

"Kakarating lang daw,"

Panay ang usapan nila habang tahimik lang akong nakikinig. When we arrived at home, I felt my heart break again. Our house is already lonely as it is... but it looked more dull than it was before. I don't know. Probably its just me. But after everything that happened, I feel at lost... in my own home. Para akong nangangapa sa dilim. Na hindi alam kung ano ang hinahanap.

"Rooftop tayo!"

"Game! Game!"

Binalingan ko sila. "I'll just change first," saka dumiretso sa kwarto.