Sorry I left yah all hanging :( wifi hasn't been working, at my grandma's house, lol enough of my boring life...
I sit upright moving away from a worried looking Derrick.
" I don't want to see you."
"You don't really have much choice."
" Oh really, I think I should, considering you 're the one who left me!"
"Alex, it's all in the past now, at least I am trying, you have to give me that."
" Listen, I don't want to see you, And I will never forgive you. I begged you to stay and you left anyway, I don't owe you shit!"
"Alex-"
I disconnected the call angrily, then immediately I burst into tears.
"Shhhh, baby please don't cry. It breaks me to see you hurting. Who was that?" Comforted derrick.
" It I-it was m-my father." I hiccuped.
" You know were going to have to tell your mom about this right?"
"I c-can't Derrick s-she will be a distraught mess, she was so depressed after he left us, I can't hurt her agian. not just when she's begun to forget. It would break her."
" What if he try's to see you anyway. It won't be safe."
" Derrick it will be okay, we'll take one day at a time." I sigh. "everything will be perfectly fine."
To be honest though I think I'm trying to convince myself more than I am him.
<¥><¥><¥><¥<¥><¥><¥><¥><¥>
***Derricks P.O.V. ***
I don't like the feeling I get while I hearing Alex on the phone.
Instantly I know that it's her "father". I ask just to be sure.
We have a winner! I'm correct.
No matter what I will be here for her, I will support any decision that she decides to make. Fuck I love this girl!
~~
As I leave the house I feel a sudden stab of guilt. I haven't been to my mom's grave in so long.
Alex's dad wanted to leave, and didn't care who he hurt along the way. My mom didn't want to leave. That's what pisses me off the most.
I'm pretty damn sure if she had a choice to stay with us she would, but she couldn't and Alex's father is damn lucky to even have had the choice and he blew it,
For him.
For alex.
And for Elizabeth, Alex's mom.
On the way to the eerie grave sight, I pick up a dozen daisies.
They were her favourite. Every summer she would drive, just her and I down to the meadow by the lake by the old ferry landing and we would always pick a fresh bouquet.
Someday I hope to take Alex there.
As the sweet perfume like smell invades my nostrils it takes every ounce of strength in me to not burst into tears.
I blame myself everyday for the cancer.
Cancer is such a bitter word. A sour word. Disgusting on the lips and hard to swallow on the way down, choking everything in existence.
When I was a kid I was a little shit. All I ever did was get into trouble, fighting whenever or wherever I could.
I put way too much stress on her. Dad was gone half the time and payed no attention to me, so I thought if I got into trouble I would get some attention. And boy did I ever get what I wanted. I was suspended three times, and I probably broke the all- time detention record.
As you know, my dad was not happy, always fighting with me, and mom.
One day in the middle of a fight my dad hit me, my mother tried to break it up and she had a terrible seizure.
An ambulance came that night and I remember being so scared. They hauled her away, I thought she wouldn't come back.
We got her checked out, and at the hospital they diagnosed her with kidney cancer.
she had six months to live, they caught the cancer to late and there was nothing more that they could do for her, except make her comfortable.
So while my mom was dying, all I could do was watch helplessly.
I mean because everybody's dream is to watch a parent, or someone they love die right before their eyes.
~-~
The bitter cold nips at me and bites through my jacket, as I lay the precious flowers on her grave.
I start to speak my voice low, and quiet.
" Hey mom, so that girl I told you about, her name is Alex.
she is now my girlfriend. I finally asked her out."
I give a sad laugh, I could just hear her calling me a wimp for not asking Alex out sooner.
"you would have loved her just the way she laughs reminds me of you, and the way she snorts a little when she laughs is adorable. I think I'm in love mom.
I know I haven't come as soon as I should have. I miss you s-so much I-it hurts mom."
my voice cracks as I break down in tears in small shaky breaths.
" It h-hurts so f-fucking bad. I would give anything to see you again, one more smile, just one more hug. Is it too much to ask?"
All I want is my mom.
"I need y-you, you have missed so much in my life already.
What if I forget what you look like, the way you smell, your favourite food, the way you used to read a book, how you would chew your nails at all the intense parts. I have already lost so much I can't lose our memories.
It's all I have mom."
I kick at the grass shoving my hands deport into my pockets.
" I'll see you soon mom, I l-love you so much."
When I walk away, I swear I hear her whisper, "I love you too, son. I love you so very much."
*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*
I honestly cried writing this, no freaken joke!
I feel the hurt, pain and just overall emotion that Derrick is expressing and going through.
ANYWAY THO,
I just want to thank every body who votes and continually supports me. some just read and that's okay. I know I won't always impress everybody or make everybody happy, that's the way life is.
So VOTE, COMMENT and EAT CHICKEN NUGGETS 👏🙈 preferably the ones shaped like dinosaurs. 😉
✌️ peace, my minions❤️
Love, Brianna
