If what i did was right, how come it feels so wrong?

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That night I twist and
turn. sleep doesn't come. No matter what I do, I just can't rid myself of the thoughts I'm having.
I think I liked the kiss, actually I know I liked the kiss.
My neck and face heated up to his touch, and when his lips pressed against my skin, all I could feel was little tingles and jolts.
My don't feel the same way when I'm with Taylor.
Taylor makes me feel safe and protected, and when I am with him I know i will be okay.
When i'm with Derrick, I feel happy, but afraid. I am not sure why I am afraid, maybe it's because of what people would say, or because I know so little.
Maybe I am afraid because I don't want to get hurt.

My alarm clock rings. I don't feel like school today. my stomach hurts and my head is pounding, I scramble up from my bed and look in my bathroom mirror, sure enough there are dark circles under my blue eyes.
yesterday's mascara is waiting to be rubbed off and my face pale and hollow looking.
I slowly climb back to bed, falling fast asleep, forgetting the stupid world, and my stupid problems.

~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a quick shower and some fresh clothes a feel a bit better, but when I come back from the bathroom to my bedroom the blood drains from my face.
Derrick sits on my bed nonchalantly looking through my magazines.

" You know, I don't really care for the whole drawing in the eyebrows look, it's sort of creepy." he throws the magazine onto my night stand.

" What do you want Derrick?"

He gets up from the bed, and I back up further against the door. " I want to talk about last night."
I close my eyes and take a small, shaky breath.

" What do you mean, there is absolutely nothing to all about. last night was a total mistake and that's all."
I can't look in his eyes, I just can't.

" Alex you and I both know that's not true."
Anger surges through me. how does he know what I am thinking, oh wait he doesn't and he needs to stop thinking he does.
" Listen, yes I may have enjoyed kissing you, but like I said it was a silly, stupid mistake!"
I look up at his upset face.
" Shouldn't you be at school?" I ask a little softer.
Derrick stares at me one last time before leaving my room.
I did what I had to do, and as I lay back down on my bed, I can't help but wonder of it was the right thing to do.

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