TO THE STARS

CHAPTER 6

August 17th

Just like how myths may or may not be true, people vaguely believe that the more you go through something, the more you get used to it. Well tell me how in the world I was meant to get used to waking up in the middle of the night, glittering with sweats, surrounded by my screams and embraced by darkness?

How does anyone ever live with that? Live with the repeating cycle of fear and trauma as each day comes to a close.

Yesterday, my mother decided it would be a great idea to go out a little for some mother-daughter bonding time because in exactly three days, I would be leaving for the rehabilitation centre she chose and I couldn't be more rhapsodic. Yay me!

Saying we bought the whole store would be the biggest understatement of the year. The things we bought were so much, we had to take multiple trips to the car and back. The whole 'too much goods' was probably my fault.

When it came to the things I wore, I always liked going for lighter colours. I was a cheerful person, or at least I thought so of myself. That was something I would have said months ago. Not anymore. Now I scan the contents of my closet and all I want to do is shred everything. I needed something new. Something more me, the me I was then. I thought the colour black and maybe a bit of grey clothing were a good place to start. My choices ranged from shirts to jeans, skirts to gowns, shoes to accessories and even really nice leather jackets and hoodies. My mother of course, wasn't really in support of the colour, but she allowed it; for my happiness. And for that, I threw in a bit of white coloured items.

From my little experience, I was able to gather some insights about nightmares. One, sometimes they manifest into your reality and disguise themselves as your shadow. They make you believe you're being followed; like your every move is monitored.

My mother and I shopped for quite a while, I thought my legs would have a stroke and pass on. We were just exiting the Forever 21 store, ready to go to the next one when she gestured for us to sit down on a bench that was close by. She was worn out.

"It's such a beautiful day," she smiled, gaping up at the glass see-through roof.

There was nothing special about the day really. It was like any other—bright and full of opportunities to cause havoc and pain. People were going about their day—talking, laughing, working and basically having fun. It was a shopping mall after all.

Call me paranoid, but all day I had some kind of skin crawling feeling that someone was staring at me. Maybe it was all in my head, maybe it wasn't.Who knew?

"Yes," I agreed, lying through my teeth and gazing at the strong and pretty woman beside me.

When I was little, I always desired to be just like my mother when I grew up; to be kind, strong, independent and patience. She was and still is my hero. She has always been there for me, both in the good times and bad. Don't get me wrong and all, I love my my father, but my mother was just...extra super and really, really patient. It obviously showed because my brother and I weren't the perfect set of kids back then and I think we turned out quite nicely...I think

"We should go get something to eat, don't you think?" My mother asked, pulling me out of my reverie.

I was about to lie about not being really hungry, however it my stomach had other plans. The growling sounds it made was all the answer she needed.

"Come on," she giggled, standing up from the bench and stretching her legs. I got up as well and we walked side by side.

As we made our way to the food court, I could still feel eyes following my every move. Call me paranoid yet again, but I thought that at any moment, Bryan was going to pop out from the corners and attack me...and then no one would be able to sav-"

"Honey," my mother turned, frowning when she realised that I wasn't by her side. She spotted me standing a few meters behind. She walked back to my side and held my shoulders. "Are you okay?" She asked, looking straight into my eyes, like she knew I was hiding something. "Do you want to go home?" She continued, still staring waiting for me to respond.

I didn't want to scare her for no reason, so I answered as truthfully as I could. "I'm fine Mom, I just got lost in my thoughts. Let's go," I replied, interlocking her arms with mine and pulling her along to the food court.

My family and friends have been on a much lighter mood ever since I spoke during the court hearing. When the court was dismissed, My mother was the first person to walk up to me; well she practically ran, pulling me into a tight hug, telling me how proud she was and calling me her brave little girl.

We were both waiting patiently in line for our turn to order. I was literally so hungry and that's saying something, as I've been unable to eat anything since you know what.

I was staring at the menu board, envisioning how good the burgers would taste when someone tapped my shoulder. I turned around and came across a chubby, fair skinned girl with freckles, red hair—braided into pigtails, green eyes and big round glasses. She looked a bit younger than I was.

"Hi, I'm Chelsea. You don't know me," she rambled, twirling one of her pigtails in her hand. "Look, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but aren't you the girl that everyone's talking about; the one on TV? You know, the whole court thing?" She continued her gabble, staring at me with curious eyes.

Wait...did she say TV?

I instantly froze, looking at the girl like she grew an extra head. "I...I."

I had no idea that the trial was aired.

My mother must have noticed I was muttering something. Thinking I was probably talking to her, she turned around. "Did you say something sweetheart?" She turned around with a smile, but it's quickly turned to a scowl as she saw my frozen state.

"I...I." I continued my mumbling.

My chest felt so tight like my ribs were caging in on my heart. The red haired girl freaked out and walked away, leaving me in the panicked state that she caused. As I watched her back away, I noticed that I was right after all, people were staring at me; a lot of them.

"They must all know...that's why they're looking at me like dirt. Like it was my fault those things happened to me," I incoherently rambled under my breath.

All of a sudden, I began to feel really hot and itchy. My palms were sweating as well. It was getting really hard to breathe. I felt like screaming at them to mind their business because they had no idea what I was going through.

"Honey!" My mother yelled, shaking my shoulders vigorously. I immediately broke out of my spell and saw my mother's teared up face, staring intensively at me. I could see just how frightened she was.