Blinded (Montenegro Series #2)

35

My heart is beating loudly against my chest when she walked in. Alam kong maganda si Irish pero ng araw na iyon, alam kong wala na akong kawala at hulog na hulog na ako.

I can't even tore my gaze away from her. For me, nothing else matter as long as I keep that smile in her face. Hanggang sa grumaduate kami ay hindi ko nagawang magconfess sa kaniya.

Nasa bar kami ngayon dito sa States. Kasama ko ang mga pinsan ko. Pumunta kami dito dahil kay Corrine. I remember the time na sinabi niya sa magulang niya at sa amin na nabuntis siya. Hindi man lang namin alam na may boyfriend na siya.

"Sorry, Mommy and Daddy." she cried so hard that day. Agad na dumalo si Isla sa tabi niya. Kuya Ajeer also did the same.

"Bakit ka ba umiiyak, iha?" tanong ni Mama.

"I'm sorry, Tito, Tita, Mommy and Daddy." she said once again. She look at her Mom intently and suddenly Tita Pauline cried. Tama nga ang kasabihan na Mother's knows best.

"Ilang buwan na yan?" she shakily asks. I whipped my head at Corrine finally putting two and two together. She is still crying. Halos mapako ako sa kinauupuan ko sa nalaman.

"2 months na po." she said. The whole place was in chaos about the news. Agad tumulak papuntang ibang bansa ang pamilya nila Tita Pauline para hindi siya malagay sa kahit issue dito sa Pinas. If the media knows about this, it will be a disaster and my family don't want that to happen.

So, that brings us here in New York to spend our summer. Malapit na manganak si Corrine. It's sad that she wasn't able to graduate the same time as us pero ang alam ko inenroll siya ng magulang niya at nag-home school dito sa New York.

"Did you confess already, Kian?" tanong ni Dale sa akin and I sighed.

"Who needs to confess?" tanong ni Salem na mukhang lasing na.

"Si Kuya." sabat naman ni Johan habang pinapapak yung inorder naming pulutan.

"Huwag mo ngang papakin yung pulutan. Kukutusan kita." sabi ko sa kanya at nginitian niya lang ako.

"The great Kian is afraid?" asar ni Gio at sinapak ko naman ang braso niya. 

"Umayos ka mas matanda ako sayo." sabi ko and he just stuck his tongue out at me while holding his middle finger up.

"I should meet this girl. She sure is awesome." Kuya Ajeer told me and I smiled. "But what's holding you back?"

"She's my bestfriend, Kuya." I shyly confessed and Salem cheered.

"I told you, Kuya Ajeer. Now pay up." akala ko lang pala lasing ang isang to.

"Pinagpustahan niyo ko?" I ask and Salem smiled proudly. Ugok talaga itong isang to.

"Man, I know that you are madly in love with your bestfriend and Kuya Ajeer here told me that you didn't. Thank you for confessing, my dear cousin. I earned $500 because of you." Sinapak ko naman siya pero wala lang sa gago.

"Seriously, Kian. Just confess. Mukha namang may gusto din sayo si Irish." Dale said. They know Irish dahil sa mga kwento namin nila Kian pero isang beses palang nila ito nakikita.

"I don't know. I don't want to ruin our friendship." sabi ko. Kilala ko ang sarili ko. I tend to get bored easily kaya nga hindu sila makapaniwala na gusto ko si Irish eh. Alam nilang hindi ako ganon. But it's different when it comes to Irish. I am different when it comes to her.

"Just try, idiot." Salem said while sipping on his drink. Tiningnan ko siya ng masama. The last thing I would is to listen to his advices. Salem is a tamed version of me. I don't trust him as well as I don't trust myself.

"Just do it." Ajeer told me and I sighed. Habang tumatagal ang panahon mas lumalalim ang pagtingin ko sa kanya. It took me long enough to confess to her but it was worth it.

I can't stop myself from smiling ng ihatid ko siya ng gabing naging kami. Johan is looking at me as if I am a weird person at tinatakwil niya ako bilang kambal niya.

"I guess kayo na?" Kuya Ajeer told me. Nandito na naman sila sa bahay. Since, turn na namin para maghost ng dinner. "I told you."

I couldn't imagine being so happy. Everyday makes me fall for her harder and harder and I don't want to stop. I can't stop. Maybe that's why I don't want to confess to her in the first place. I became so attached to her na nagiging toxic na.

"Bakit ka ba nagagalit?" she asks me. Nakakunot ang noo ko habang nagdadrive. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiirita. Maybe we are too young for this. At that time, I regret confessing to her. I regret everything.

I shouldn't because Irish is the most amazing thing na dumating sa buhay ko pero dahil nga sa sobrang naattached ako at nabulag sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Our beautiful relationship turns into a nightmare. Araw araw na sigawan at away. It's my fault actually. Hindi ko siya naintindihan. Hindi ko siya inintindi. My emotions are all the place. Siguro nga we're too naive to be in a relationship pa.

"Lagi ka nalang walang oras sa akin. Everytime I ask for your time laging may ginagawa ka." madiin na sabi ko.

"Yun ang kinagagalit mo? Ang babaw, Kian. You do know that I am studying. Hindi naman kada oras dapat magkasama tayo." I look at her in disbelief. I even question her love for me that moment and I sounded like a dick.

"Mahal mo pa ba ako?" I sounded stupid. She look at me in disbelief.

"Ano bang pinagsasasabi mo?" tanong niya sa akin at hindi ko na lang siya pinansin. Tahimik akong nagpark sa tapat ng bahay nila.

"I'm sorry." Funny, how I kept apologizing buy I ain't doing anything to stop me from being a dick and a jerk to her. I just love her so much and I want time and attention.

"Umuwi ka na lang, Kian. Bukas na tayo mag-usap." she said and went out if my car. I sighed and cursed at myself.

When we broke up, I realized what I have for isn't the same anymore. Yes, I love her so much. I love her so much that it becomes toxic already and I hate myself for that. Lagi kong tinatanong ang sarili ko kung saan ako nagkamali.

I guess right from the start I was wrong. Ako ang may kasalanan kung paano naging toxic ang relasyon namin. Masyado akong nagpadala sa mga damdamin ko. I didn't think about her anymore. I think about my feelings and its not good.

Ang mission kong lagi siyang nakangiti ay pumalpak because I am the reason for making her cry. Inaamin ko ng mga araw na nag-aaway kami ay nawawalan ako ng gana pero alam kong mahal ko parin siya.

Halos mabingi ako sa mga sinabi niya sa akin bago kami maghiwalay. I never thought na hahantong kami sa ganito. Akala ko okay lang yung ginagawa ko. I guess, I am too insensitive of what she's feeling. I always want her to give me some time pero ako hindi ko magawa sa kanya.

"Okay pa ba tayo?" sabi niya habang umiiyak. I want to answer her honestly but the love that I have for her that day makes me want to punch myself kaya hindi ko siya nasagot noon.

"Pahinga muna tayo, Kian." Tila nabuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig sa sinabi niya.

"Irish, huwag naman ganito. Irish, I can explain." saad ko. Ayoko siyang mawala. Pero alam kong kapag pinagpatuloy namin mas lalong lalaki ang lamat at mas magkakaproblema kami.

So I decided to let her go and promised myself to be better. Hindi ako lalapit sa kanya kahit mahirap hangga't hindi ako maayos. Hangga't matutunan ko kung paano magmahal.

Because there's a big difference between loving someone and loving someone obsessively.

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