The Fatal Crush

🎀CHAPTER 33🎀

I woke up much earlier than the ringing of the alarm clock. My eyes opened sharply as if someone had thrown a bucket of water in my face. I drag myself out of bed like I'm being pushed.

After I get ready, I sit in the kitchen and have some coffee. Thoughts threaten to occupy my mind, and I must not allow them to be done.

I jump like a spring out of my chair, take my purse and keys, and walk out of the house.

I'm getting into my car.

I notice people walking down the street. Several of them are hasty, and others more leisurely. I open the car window and, I let the smell of the fresh coffee penetrate my sniff from the coffee shop.

As I advance I see the first sun rays slowly illuminating the city. I'm wearing my sunglasses. I admire the greenery of a park and the colorful flowers that smell so nice.

If it was another day, I wouldn't pay any attention to all this. Most likely, I would be annoyed by the noise of traffic in the streets.

But now, I just feel grateful that I'm still seeing all this. It's strange how love emotionally alienates you from life. If you happen to raise your head to see the rest of the world, you'll feel like you're seeing it for the first time. You think you've been away for years in the desert and got back to civilization.

I wonder, is that what love should be like?

What is the price you pay for falling in love?

I'm reaching out to the court.

I walk into my office and fall headlong into the pile of papers that lies before me.

I can't say that Dorian's thought hasn't crossed my mind several times. But I stubbornly try to block that thought and devote myself to my work.

Whatever it is, I have to move on. Besides, I never mixed up my personal life with my work.

It's true; the mind doesn't stop thinking about what burns your heart, but you need to at least motivate the body to move; to work.

Stagnation in such a situation can be disastrous.

Don't let the mind think alone. You have to react with daily movements and move on to the thorns of pain.

If you stand firm on the thorns, they'll pierce you so much, until they reach the bone. But if you walk in any kind of way, you'll get away with a few bites.

That's what I'm trying to do; to march through the bad time with as little pain as possible.

If I say that I have ceased to love Dorian, it will be a lie. It will be a lie even to myself. I still love him.

You can take more hits, the voice in my head says ironically.

I would rather be slapped by the truth than patted by the lie.