The Suggs

Chapter 28

"But what if I will lose him? What if he becomes angry and doesn't want me anymore. We aren't dating that long and I already kissed his roommate." I doubted about telling Zoe about being afraid of losing him for a long now, but now I just said it. "You won't lose him Kayla, don't worry about that. He likes you way too much to let you go this easy." I shake my head. "You don't understand.."

I walked away from Zoe and I sat down in my room again. I unlock my phone and I see a message of Joe. He sent it last night.

Hi sleepy! U fell asleep last night when we were calling. Was my story really that boring? Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you would like me to come over tomorrow? What do you think? I hope you slept well! X

I smile while reading the message. He is so lovely and I fell asleep last night! I can't remember when I fell asleep. I text him back that he can come over and I decide to jump quickly into the shower.

I stand in the bathroom, ready to take of all my cloth. I look into the mirror and get disappointed by what I see. I see a regular girl who isn't happy with herself. I turn 90 degrees. I lift my shirt a bit. I see my stomach being fat. I sigh and take of my clothes till I'm only wearing my underwear and bra. My legs are fat and I've only a small thigh gab. I really don't want a big thigh gab between my legs but a little bit more than this would be nice I think. I step back and look at myself. Ew.

"Kay?!" Joe's voice echoes through the apartment. Zoe probably has let him in. "I'm almost ready!" I scream from the bathroom. That is a lie. I only turned off the shower a minute ago. I just wrapped a towel around me when Joe walks into the bathroom. I put my hand on my mouth to hold myself from screaming. I know he is my boyfriend now, but I still feel uncomfortable.

"Joe.." I say and the only thing he does is laughing. He walks towards me to kiss me. He puts his hands on my hips and gives my a quick kiss. When he pulls back I quickly step backwards, I feel really awkward, I'm just standing here in my towel. "You missed me too I see." He teases and I smile sarcastic. I push him to the door. "But you can wait outside." I open the door and Joe walks outside. "And, by the way, I did miss you." I continue when he stands outside and just before I close the door.

"I'm fully ready now!" I spread my arms when I see him sitting on the table. He smiles when he sees me and walks towards me. He wraps his arms around my waist and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and he walks with me to the table where he puts me down on.

"Hi." I say a bit giggly. I really missed him the past week. He gives me a quick kiss. When he pulls back, he opens his eyes and doesn't lose eye contact.

He looks at me and smiles. "I'm so lucky by having such a stunning girlfriend." He says and I look at the ground. "I'm not stunning.." I say, my happy mood disappeared. I can't blame him, he doesn't know that I'm really insecure about my looks lately. He lifts my chin up with the back of his hand. "Yes you are." I push his hand away. "No Joe. I wish I was but yeah, unfortunately I'm not blessed by a beautiful body or gorgeous face. I can't change it."

"Yeah I know, I'll get a speech now, about me being perfect in my own way, but every time I look into the mirror I see myself and I get disappointed by what I see. I'm disgusted by myself Joe.." I hate being honest about these kind of thing to Joe. Joe hasn't interrupted me yet. He just stays there and listens.

"Okay, I don't know what you are going to think of this, but come on." He gently grabs my wrist and I have to follow him. We walk to the bedroom and he closes the door. "Take off your shirt now."

I raise my eyebrows and look questionable to Joe, waiting for an explanation. I really don't want to, but I do what he says. I'm standing half naked in a room with him and he only looks to my eyes. "Joe?" I ask and he smiles a bit. He softly pushes me to the side. I see what he's going to do. He's going to push me in front of the mirror. "Joe, I don't want.." I try to stop him. "Joe, no. I really don't want to see myself, not in front of you."

Joe ignores me and gives me one last soft push. "Okay, and now, tell me what you don't like about yourself and I will tell you what I think about it."
I try to avoid looking at myself, I really dislike it. "Come on. Let's start from the bottom, your feet." I sigh and accept that I have to do it anyway. "Okay, well my feet are too small." I start talking about everything I don't like about my feet.
"I think your small feet are cute, don't you think?" He puts his feet next to mine and my feet are a lot smaller than his. I nod slowly. "Okay, next."

At first I feel really awkward, talking about my insecurities. But the more I tell him, the better I feel. I feel kinda relieved after every part we talked about. Knees, upper legs, hips, stomach, hands, upper arms, breasts.. I skip that part, I don't want to talk with Joe about that. I continue. Shoulders, back, hair, neck.
"And now my favorite part, my face."

I want to start, talking about everything I dislike, but Joe interrupts me. "Let me do this part okay?" I shake my head. "No, I don't want to hear good things about my face, because it isn't true." I push Joe away and I grab my shirt. "I'm done." I use this as my last word and leave the room.

I get tears in my eyes. I really dislike my face and I don't want Joe to look at it, seeing all of my imperfections. I can work on my body, I can go to the gym and run, and that's exactly what I do. But I can't change my face.