Heirs & Nightmares

Chapter 16

Sirius' POV

A few hours earlier

Here I was sitting, staring endlessly at the fire, contemplating my next move, my past, and how I went from hating pureblood upbringing to someone who bullies and practically abuses and innocent person; all because of their house affiliation. I thought back to our interactions and how the unbridled hate I felt just kept getting stronger and stronger, to the point where I wanted to shoot off hexes and jinxes from just hearing his name.

My mind jumps forward to my decision on that night, leaving little prongslet by himself, to be left unguarded with Dumbledore, who James and Lily specifically said not to leave him with. Well him and Lily's sister and her family, the horror stories she told us about them, still made me pity her and she was long dead.

Instead I left, chasing after Pettigrew like my life depended on it, like it was my duty to bring him in or something. It was like I had forgotten about Harry, the promise I made to him, and to James, Lily and Mama Potter.

The day I had been asked to be his godfather was one of the happiest days of my life, right next to Prong's and Lily Pads wedding and the day Remus agreed to be my boyfriend. I remember how much James and Lily had agonized over the choice, how they were so torn up when they found out that Remus wouldn't be recognised as godfather due to his werewolf status.

I remember the lecture Lily had given me after they told me their decision, how she demanded that Remus be there basically all the time, since she didn't trust me enough not to corrupt him. She stated her wish for Harry to know Remus as Uncle Moony to even Papa, if anything happened to them.

I didn't care how many lectures Lily or James gave me, my response was always the same, "of course Moony is going to be part of his life. He's the love of mine, and will always love Harry like a cub, just like he would love any child we have."

My eyes started to tear at the thought, my chance being ripped away from me, from my time in Azkaban, my dream to be a father, to be better than my own, to have a family with Remus. I remember the ring I was going to give him, how me and Lily slaved away for months designing the perfect one for him, how she was going to weave all her enchantments and protections into it. How it would have ended up being just as strong as the Black family ring, how after Harry's birth, Lily was going to show me how to wield so that I could make it for him.

Then they had to go into hiding, an although I had blood adopted Harry, I hardly got to see him, hardly got to see my brother in everything but blood and reassure myself that they were safe and happy. Then the suspicion started creeping in, making us all doubt everyone's allegiance. Dumbledore had said there was a spy, someone close to both the Longbottom's and Potter's, someone who was giving Voldemort information.

I never once believed it was Remus, he would never do anything to jeopardize his pack, his cub, his family. I remember how happy he use to be, coming back home from a neutral side pack, he had been sent to, trying to persuade them to join the light side. He would spew on and on about how they would communicate with their wolf side, how they were at peace with one another, and how when they shifted they looked almost like the natural werewolves that were in some of the pacts.

I remember his first moon after he had accepted his wolf, how much more at peace he was with himself, how calm and loving he was, never once hurting himself. But I could see that as time went on, how the pressure Dumbledore put on him to get the werewolves to his side stressed him.

He had started to crack under the pressure, and under everyone's scrutinizing gaze. The nights were he would cry or weep because of the whispers and the emotions that he would supress, were some of the worse. How he would beg and beg to go see Lily, James and Harry to make sure they were safe but would be denied every time because of what he was.