It's been half an hour since we were awake, both naked under the comforter of the bed. We were in a cuddling position. Nakaunan ako sa isang braso ni L habang ang isa nyang braso ay nakaikot sa bewang ko.
It's already morning pero pareho kaming walang balak na tumayo. I know that I have to do a mission later at dapat ay naghahanda na nga ako but being inside of L's arms feel so good. It was like it's my heaven and my sanctuary. Na parang ligtas ako sa loob ng mga bisig nya at wala akong gagawin na mapanganib mamaya.
I sighed. I imagined that we were just a normal people. A normal couple cuddling on the bed after that mind-blowing lovemaking that we did last night. Ang sarap siguro sa pakiramdam na walang iisipin na mission.
If only we could just be a normal people then I wouldn't have this sinking feeling in my chest.
Naiisip ko pa rin kasi na hindi kami bagay. That I don't deserve him. That I wasn't enough for him and I need to do more to be with him. He's just too good to be true.
Or maybe, I was feeling like this 'cause I know that I haven't tried my best yet. Wala pa akong ginagawa. And I have to do what I do to make things right.
Tiningala ko si L na kanina pa pala nakayuko at nakatitig sa akin. Shit lang... He looked so good in the morning. His hair that was always in brush-up hairstyle is now messy. Naalala ko tuloy kung paano ko sya sinasabunutan kagabi. Kaya naman naging ganitong kagulo ang buhok nya.
"May napansin ako sayo, L." sabi ko habang hinahaplos ang panga nya. I can feel his small stubbles there.
"Hm?"
Shit! One sound. Just one sound from him can already make my heart flutter!
"I knew that you're not really talkative. Parang tamad na tamad ka palagi kapag nagsasalita. But when you do, I noticed how your words have deep meaning behind it."
Tumaas ang isang kilay nya. Mukhang hindi nya naintindihan ang pinupunto ko at gusto pa ng mas malinaw na paliwanag.
So I gave him that.
"Tahimik ka pero kapag nagsasalita ka, parang malalim. Palaging may kahulugan. Tamad kang magsalita but once you do, sasabihin mo ang lahat ng gusto mo. Wala kang pakialam sa paligid. You're just saying what's on your mind."
"I'm really like that?" tanong nya na mukha pang nagulat. Tumango ako.
"Well, at least unlike before when we first met, you're starting to be more talkative now. Dati kasi ay hindi ka talaga nagsasalita! Ako lang yung daldal nang daldal!"
He chuckled. Napasimangot ako. Tinawanan nya pa talaga ako, huh?!
"I'm only talkative around you." he said and kissed my hair. "I'm comfortable with you. Before, I don't really do small talks like this. I don't talk about myself. But then, I was surprised when I told you about my family. I guess I just wanted you to know me better."
Mas lalo akong napangiti. Natutuwa na hindi talaga sya nagsinungaling sa akin tungkol sa kanya. It's true that he hid things about himself but not really lied to me.
"Minsan naghahanda na ako kapag nagsasalita ka, eh." I said. "I am preparing my mind to think thoroughly the meaning behind your words. Kailangang pag-isipang mabuti."
He smiled at me and my whole world shines before me.
"I know someone who always get pissed whenever she's talking me. She hated my words and guts." sabi nya and he even looked like he's reminiscing about the past.
Nawala ang mga ngiti ko kanina lang. She? So babae ang tinutukoy nya? Tapos ganito ang expression ng mukha nya?
"Ah... Crush mo?" I said coldly. Wala lang. Basta na lang iyon lumabas sa bibig ko.
