I f*cked up

90 5 0
                                    

Andy stared at me with wide eyes, the blue in them becoming glossy, while his lip started to tremble, he bought his hand up to the back of his head and when he pulled it back I could see the blood smeared over his palm. His whole body started to shake while he looked at his hand, my mind full of regret and guilt as I watched as the boy in front of me looked up in pure fear.

I had fucked up big time.

***
Me and Andy had been dating for months but no one knew apart from his mom, before we had got together I had 'bullied' him along with my friends but not to the extent that they did only ever calling him a name once in a while. We became really close though when we had become neighbours hanging out all the time, in secret of cause  which led me to asking him out on a date, he said yes and we had been dating ever since.

I had fully stopped picking on Andy, and got my friends to lay off him a bit too, promising Andy that when we graduated we could make our relationship public for I wasn't ready yet. But just as I thought everything was going alright my friends started to get suspicious, constantly asking why I was so nice to him, why I had asked them to leave him alone, was I a fairy to, then started to threaten me about telling everybody that I was gay. Of course I tried to tell them that they were acting stupid, however they just wouldn't budge so to 'prove' we weren't dating they told me to do something to him, they didn't care if it was just a push or throwing his books onto the floor just anything to prove I hated him as much they did.

I told them that that wouldn't prove anything, they were acting childish but still they told me to do it, so I decided I'd just give him a small push and make sure to explain everything to him later that night, but just as I was about to do it someone pushed me from behind causing my push to Andy to be way to hard. The push made him fall backwards and smack the back of his head on the wall behind him, as he fell to the floor he straight away looked up only to see me stood there with a crowd around me.
***

I could hear my friends cheer from behind me, laughing as they walked away from the scene that had just played out but I couldn't move at all, my feet were glued to the ground as my boyfriend sat on the floor in front of my shaking legs, his hand on his head as he sobbed quietly looking down at his lap.

"Andy...", I spoke gently, scared that if I spoke to loud it would make the situation worse but he didn't look up, it's like he didn't even hear me, so I walked closer only for him to move so his back hit the wall. I walked a little closer which made him look up, his red eyes, his tear stained cheeks, his shaking body making me want to cry, the knot in my stomach getting tighter while my heart carried a hundred weights.

"I'm sorry", I whispered, feeling my own eyes well up with tears as I watched him try to get away from me but not succeeding, he turned his head away which made me have a clear view of the damage I had caused. "I didn't mean to", he didn't look at me but only cried more making me finally let go and cry with him.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, me kneeling in front of him while we both cried, and I couldn't help but want to reach out for him but I knew that he didn't want me too, he just wanted to be left like usual because not only did he feel sad and hurt he felt betrayed, I had always told him I would never do anything like this and now I had broken my promise.

When we had both calmed down a bit, I saw him close his eyes for a moment before lifting his free hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks as he had placed his other one back on his head. He looked at me again and all I could see was fear, along with hurt, betrayal, pain, sadness and just a small hint of love.


"Why?", He whispered, the pain clear in his voice. I teared up again from just that knowing that he sounded like that because of me, because of my stupid mistakes, all of this could have been avoided if I had just stopped being a pussy and not given in to my 'friends' evil requests. I looked at him again watching as his eyes teared up too, he knew I'd never do this unless it was really necessary just like the time I called a name or two but this situation wasn't necessary at all, and I think he new that too. I also know that he was probably having a war in his head right now, he was probably trying to justify my actions himself so he would be able to forgive me like he normally did but even I didn't think I deserved to be forgiven just yet.

"I'm so fucking sorry Andy, my friends were getting suspicious and told me to push you... it was only supposed to be a small push but someone pushed me so it was harder. I swear to you that I didn't mean for you to get hurt", now I could feel the tears running down my cheeks yet again, Andy sat there with what looked like a look of pity but I knew he was still angry, he was still upset, he was still hurt. "Look you don't have to forgive me right now okay, I'm just asking for you to believe me... please".

Andy looked down at his lap again, "Of course I believe you but why didn't you just tell me before it happened?", he said quietly making me sigh in relief.


"I don't know I was going to tell you afterwards but I've now realized how stupid of an idea that was", he chuckled in response before he looking up at me with a small smile on his face.

"Promise you wont do it again, even if they ask you to", I gave him a sad smile before nodding my head.

"I promise", I moved forward and put my arms out for him to crawl into, he snuggled up into my chest and let out a soft breath. "I love you", I whispered making him snuggle even further into my chest.

"I love you too"

"We do need to go to the nurses office though your heads still bleeding", I said back but as I went to let go of him he gripped at the front of my shirt to hold me in place.

"Two more minutes", he mumbled making me chuckle in response.

----------------------------

There you go peeps another one... yay.

I got a new laptop for my birthday so ill probably be writing more often now and also because we're in lockdown so I have nothing else to do :)

Anyways I hope you liked this one I was going to make it sad at first but decided against it in the end cause most of my one shots turn out to be sad... haha

Until next time loves,

Jess X

Random OneShots (Randy)Where stories live. Discover now